[Sundaymorning]

I have been dating this guy who is wonderful for almost 11 months. BUt i cannot take his lateness anymore. If he says he will be somewhere to meet me or come see me, he is always atleast an hour late. Yesterday to a job interview he was 10 minutes late. Today to meet me he was 30 mins late. It is a constant thing and it brought me to tears today. On our first date he was even really late.
I could 1) accept it and deal with it (but i cannot bring myself to do. it is incredibly rude.
2) tell him to change his timing- add minutes to when he thinks he will be there (this failed)
3) dont put up with it anymore and leave if he isnt there within 15 mins of when he says he will be.

what do yall think??? help!!

[johan]

I think the third choice is the best. Not sure how you "treat" a problem like that, to be honest. It isn't a relationship killer, but it is pretty rude.

I sort of recall a town or country (maybe Venezuela) that had a law against lateness. They considered it theft. Like you're stealing time or freedom from people. It's true. It's really like stealing. You've gotten someone to commit to spend some time somewhere with you, when they could be doing something else. Then you go and do something else yourself, and they are sort of trapped there waiting. You took that time from them. And we all know time is money. Hey, charge him! Figure out what's your time is worth to you and make him pay for it. ON TOP of whatever he was going to pay for dinner or whatever. That's a not-to-angry way of getting the point across.

I think I'll try that with my girlfriend. We're both late about the same, but I'll bill her more and make a profit. Damn, why didn't I think of this sooner?

[yes]

I think the best thing to do is not wait for him. If he's more than 15-20 mins late (arrive that late yourself), leave (right away if he's not there), and make sure it's difficult for him to get a hold of you (yes, let him wonder if smth has happened to you for a bit). Next time, he'll be choosing between being on time and working his ass off to see you, after all (or not seeing you at all).

It's too bad you waited this long to start doing the above - such issues are best dealt with immediately, me thinks.

good luck,
-yes

[Shasta]

I would just leave if my ex was late. Our friends started to do it as well. If he would say he would be there in 30 minutes, we would usually leave and do the things we needed to do and then we wouldn't be waiting on him. It got to the point where he actually showed up on time and we were gone and HE had to wait. We showed him what it was like to wait on someone. Let's just say, he learned his lesson.

[Sundaymorning]

Yeah, I think I was tryingto be really accepting in this relationship because I have had so many and I wanted to try a different angle. This is by far our only issue and man am I thankful for that. BUt the time has come where I put my foot down, and hard. I will start leaving if he isnt there, thank you all!