ok here goes im sure im gonna get a ear full but i need advice ive been married 12 years have 1 child thats almost 7. heres my problem im in love with my husbands good friend from work. i think about him day and night and he feels the same but hes married too with 3 kids there all grown the youngest is 18 . i really want a life with him but dont want to hurt a lot of people. theres a big age differnce im 31 hes 45. is there any hope we tried to break it off and that lasted about 2 hours the only time i get to see him is about 2 times a week. im new at all of this and im going nuts. my question is does this kind of relationship ever work out?

[DavidCM]

Rarely.

You are being selfish, irresponsible.

So stop doing hurtful things, immediately.

[helpless here]

Well to let it be known I'm in the same situation myself! But with my hubby's friend! We have had a relationship now for over 6mths mostly an intimate one and that is about it! He himself is married and they have 4 kids between them though not together - the guilt it self is eating me alive - so I broke it off! It's really not worth what you want the most ! He's mostly there for a booty call so to speak! And they will say anything to get what they want. And what's sad is that we believe them at the time and then regret our actions later! Believe me it's not worth it for anything! Let it go while you can! Luckily I have been lucky enough to let it go without any hard obstacles besides missing him - though in time you will learn to forget and move on - and in the long run it's better that way!!!

we tried to break it off and that lasted about 2 hours

Oh come on now!

Neither of you have any business doing what you're doing. Don't you have any respect for your husband, your marriage and your family as a whole?

I get absolutely sick of reading these daily posts here, from people having affairs while married, and WITH married people. Whatever happened to that basic sense of right and wrong that should have been instilled in you as a child? Don't marriage vows mean ANYTHING these days?

If you're married, you shouldn't even be LOOKING at another man........period.

I agree with David, it is selfish. Do you think your husband and this guy's wife deserve this kind of betrayal and deceit? Of course they don't. Nobody does.

And if you're going to give the excuse of not being in love with your husband anymore then DIVORCE HIM ... but do not go around behind his back, and with his friend and coworker no less.

Is this the kind of role model you want to be for your children? Are you going to raise them wih the belief that it's acceptable to have affairs and get involved with people who are married? If not, then what are YOU doing?

[Linlin]

Well said David and Befuddled!!!!

I couldn't have said it better myself.

My husband has done this with my friend for 6 months behind both families backs.
When I outed them 8 weeks ago, the fallout has been huge and disasterous. They did not expect how much negative fallout would happen. They have ruined families, destroyed friendships, hurt small children, etc.

The funny part is, if they were sooo desperately in love liked they claimed and had to be with each other, why is she still with her husband with her tail between her legs (that she can't keep shut) and my H is moving to an apartment by himself. All of this mess and chaos and they aren't even together.

OBVIOUSLY IT DIDN'T WORK OUT!!!!!

Grow up and get some counselling. Either leave your H or work on your marriage and count yourself lucky if your H keeps you.

Hello,

I always wonder how you would women would feel if your husbands were doing to you what you are doing to them?
By the way has it ever occurred to you this this OM is not a friend to your husband? What kind of sick perverted person would hold on to a friendship with a man and behind his back screw his wife? What does that say about this person? It says he gets a sick thrill thinking that the husband sees him as a friend while he betrays him in the worst possible way.

In addition, once the husband finds out this will be seen as a double betrayal by him. I think any woman that can be screwing a husband's good friend behind his back shows utter distain and contempt for her husband and the marriage itself. How very very sad that you would do these things to a spouse. What does that say about you?

[Linlin]

Bryanp,

It is a double betrayal. I actually feel angrier at her than I do my H. Anytime I confided in her, she ran to my H with anything I said and twisted it on me. "She is so mean.....sayinging all these things about you....I think your wonderful, etc.... Then my H would come home and be pissed off and mean to me and I would get annoyed back. She helped drive the wedge deeper and deeper between us. So friend!!!

When I confronted both of them, she tried to claim that she was my friend to. I told her that no real friend would do this and proceeded to point out at least 20 different things she did to me. By the end she was crying. All I wanted to do was kick her is the a**.

The real pathetic part is Her H has taken her back and thinks that they can work things out. Meanwhile she is still contact my H telling him that she doesn't believe it is over (he apparently told her it was) and she still loves him. She has also been kissing and groping other guys during her 14 year marriage as well. Her H better wake up and smell the coffee before he gets screwed again.

She was no friend and now I think I have a "stalker" bothering me and my H as well. (My H and I are not staying together but we are in the same house for financial reasons and living like roommates. That is why I know what she is up to)

To Linlin:

I am very sorry what you are going through. People like your friend's husband go into denial and refuse to look at the truth.
It is a double betrayal. The fact that your husband could do this to you with your friend again indicates your husband has a broken moral compass. I have come to the conclusion that it is a waste of time to try to figure out these type of people. They must be extremely selfish and narcissistic. I also believe they have no conception of the meaning of the word love. I think to them it is merely a word like I love mustard and so forth. A person that loves another person would not be screwing the friend of the spouse behind their back. I think this double betrayal is the worst type of betrayal and only a person who has total disdain for their partner and their marriage could do such a thing. Am I wrong?

[Fritz]

with my husbands good friend from work

This guy is not your husband's friend nor yours. Get out now before you ruin your life and that of your familes.