[stephysthebest]

I have been in a relationship for a year. Me and my partner had been dating for about six months when a friend contacted me about a profile she found of him in detail with his picture on a dating website. I asked him if there were anymore and he lied I found three more. After a short break we reconciled and got back together. Although I love him very much, I do not trust him. I have become controlling and do not like for him to be away from me at any time. I am not normally a person who is controlling. I am very much trusting of people. Even though we are together and he has given me no reason to be suspicious of him, I feel as though I have created my own prison with him in it.

He is going to Vermont mid August for the last Phish show and since he told me this I have been withdrawn from him. I want him to go and be with his friends and I want him to have fun, because I was happy to have gotten to go to all of the shows when there was a Dead scene, so the friend side wants him to go. But I feel as if there will be something more to find out once he gets back from the show. I feel as if this is the first time we will be away from one another and I have great anxiety. I booked a flight to Seattle to see friends during the week that he will be gone.

I am not the type to cheat on anyone, but feel as though maybe I should “have a good time” during that week.

I do not trust him, but love him very much. What do I do?

[bluechocolate]

Even though we are together and he has given me no reason to be suspicious of him

He kept his profile on a dating service for 6 months while dating you & then lied about the fact that he had more out there. Unless these profiles had been inactive for that time I don't entirely understand why you say you have no reason to be suspicious of him.

Now he's going away, you don't trust him, you've been withdrawn from him & feel as though you should "have a good time" while you're visiting friends away from him.

Love is only one part of a successful relationship. Trust, loyalty & communication are other, & equally important, parts.

You feel as though you've created your own prison - this doesn't sound like a healthy relationship.

You should find someone that you can trust & don't feel that you have to control.

[dudesomewhere]

"I am not the type to cheat on anyone, but feel as though maybe I should “have a good time” during that week."

Are you saying you'll want to hook up? If so, why do people have to be this way? I say people, not men or women...but people. Why of all things behave in this manner? Break up, move on and then have your fun. People need to uplift themselves out of the gutter mindset they have. Realize it isn't adult or sexy to have a good time in quotes.

have a good time but don't "have a good time"....come on ppl . I mean I wouldn't trust anyone who did what he did. No relationship should be based on uncertainty in such a way. Part ways, just because he sinks low doesn't mean you have some. Grab some of that what they call Integrity.

[stephysthebest]

I get what you are saying. The profiles were not inactive infact one was two weeks new. Since I found them there has been no more. I have to check and recheck everything about him. I have to get out of this relationship. I know this now. He is not trustworthy. I do not want to be a payback person. I do not have to lower my own integrity or standards for someone who could potentially harm me emotionally. I hate who I have become with him and it is evident that I need to stop dating him, take a break from it all, and regain some trust.

Thanks. Maybe I needed to hear myself say it or type it.