Talking with an EX??

vhshowdown · 26th May 2004, 4:53 PM

Is there any way to talk to your EX without letting your feelings of possibly wanting to get back together get in the way, whether the feelings are emotional &/or physical. Or are you better off staying clear for awhile until you know that you are completely over them?!?!?!

Especially if you are not sure of their feelings, like when their words say one thing, but their actions are saying another thing! How do you remain neutral, and then how do you know if you should move closer........... Its not like meeting someone new for the very first time!!

tom_gbr · 26th May 2004, 5:00 PM

believe me wait till you are completely over them....i phoned my ex a couple of times after we broke up....it was like we were competeing with each other...how many times we had been out clubbing...how many times we had been down the gym etc....i would get off the phone to her and analyise everything she said in the phone call....what this meant and that...and i would say to myself that it was a stupid idea calling her.

so i wouldnt try and be friends right now....maybe you were meant to be lovers and not friends?...thats what i think with me and my ex now.

it has now been nearly a month since i last heard her voice.....i text her a couple of times but thats it

she said at the time of the breakup that it was important that we came out of this close friends but with me initiating the contact all the time i know she didnt mean it...or that she isnt ready to be friends yet.

just try and get on with your life without your ex...keep yourself really busy and get loads of excersise..ive never spent so much time down the gym and it shows!

just hang in there..

vhshowdown · 26th May 2004, 5:20 PM

ya tom, that is good advice. That is so funny, just about everything you said is the same with me and my EX competing and stuff. It is uncanny. And I have tried to stay busy, sometimes it works, other times it doesnt. And I have been working out quite a bit lately too. That makes me feel good when I am done.

I guess the problem is the times when I am alone at nite. I think about her, and think about my friends having someone, and I dont. Its like I start to feel sorry for myself.
Sometimes I dont know how to overcome it, you know..... But i know it gets better with time, just right now its pretty tough. A friend of mine told me the other day to just remember:
2 steps forward, 1 step back...... but sometimes it feels like 1 step forward, 2 steps back..... LOL

tom_gbr · 26th May 2004, 6:44 PM

yeah i find it hard as well at nights...especially when i would always call her...everyone said its good to hang out with mates...but my best mate is going out with my ex's friend...me and my mate met my ex and her friend on holiday and we did everything as a group of four.....ive only just starting hanging around with him again as it hurt too much before.

i fond it helps to think about all the bad things about her...those things that annoyed you....write them down and if you ever miss her get out the list and read it to yourself

meanttolive4ever · 27th May 2004, 2:23 PM

for some reason i keep thinking about my ex

Miss G · 27th May 2004, 4:48 PM

I dont think you ever get over someone completely. You always carry the kindling of love in your heart that could reignite at any moment. Besides, wouldn't it hurt you if you saw them in a happy relationship with another person and you were good friends? I wouldn't want to hear or see anything like that. There is a reason you two aren't together anymore. It's like saying you quit smoking and then you smoke because you can't handle the withdrawal. You are defeating the purpose. Put the pack away and never pick it up again. You know that's the best thing for you in the long run. Think of it as a goal.

TxTechGirl04 · 27th May 2004, 5:04 PM

Im probably not the best person to be giving advice at this point, but I am going through the same thing that you are...me and my ex broke up about a month ago and he decided that we shouldn't talk...well after a week or so he started calling me again and now he calls about every 2 days or so..its very hard for me to hold my feelings back and he continuously tells me that he doesn't want a relationship with me...except he still wants to be physical...I am so pissed at him but I am going to give him 1 night to just see what happens...I think when he sees me after a month then he might decide to want to try again...but if he doesn't then Ill just have to say oh well...

However, its still hard for me not to let my feelings get involved...the best thing for you to do is to let your ex do all the calling...then you will know that they want to talk to you....

And just like everyone else on here says...use this time that you are broken up to make yourself a better person! Just remember: there is ALWAYS a chance that you could get back together DON'T EVER LOSE HOPE!!!

vhshowdown · 28th May 2004, 10:20 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by TxTechGirl04
Im probably not the best person to be giving advice at this point, but I am going through the same thing that you are...me and my ex broke up about a month ago and he decided that we shouldn't talk...well after a week or so he started calling me again and now he calls about every 2 days or so..its very hard for me to hold my feelings back and he continuously tells me that he doesn't want a relationship with me...except he still wants to be physical...I am so pissed at him but I am going to give him 1 night to just see what happens...I think when he sees me after a month then he might decide to want to try again...but if he doesn't then Ill just have to say oh well...

However, its still hard for me not to let my feelings get involved...the best thing for you to do is to let your ex do all the calling...then you will know that they want to talk to you....

And just like everyone else on here says...use this time that you are broken up to make yourself a better person! Just remember: there is ALWAYS a chance that you could get back together DON'T EVER LOSE HOPE!!!

I hope all goes well on your 1 night TxTech...

That is very difficult when the EX calls every so often, acts like it is no big deal that we are talking, we are just 2 friends talking. Well, my EX is currently dating someone else now, in which they are having problems, so she wants me to comfort her and help her thru it. Well, being I have feelings for her still, and I know I do, I want to be there for her. I guess show her I have changed and worked on stuff since we have been apart.
This was last weekend, I have yet to hear from her since Sunday. So, now I guess they are getting back together, I dont know what is going on... i feel that for whatever reason, she is scared of her own feelings for me. This is driving me crazy.

Just adds fuel to my fire that I do need to move on, I guess.....

meanttolive4ever · 28th May 2004, 12:43 PM

yea there's always a possibility but the majority of the time it never happens. People just find new people. I know it sucks but its the truth.