[tattoomytoe]

this is what i got so far.....


and yes, i do know that you love me and care about me and want me to be happy...so i do not see why you must continually say mean things to me that cause me to feel like a bad person, also these comments make me angry and i take them as insults, maybe i am overly sensative, but i do take the things my lover says about my thoughts, views, the music i listen to, the tv shows i watch, my friends, my religious and political views...etc... i listen and I take everything you say to me to heart.

i think that i show respect of your views, opinoins, beliefs, even though i do not always agree with you, and i would not want you to feel you needed to change any of these. But i would like respect for my own, too.

Pleaset ell me what ya'll think!

There's nothing wrong with your letter, per say. But as you send it, please think about the fact that you can't change a person unless they want to change their self. And even then, they may not have the will power or know-how to change.

I was in an 8+ year relationship with a guy who, in retrospect, gave me absolutely no respect and used me as an emotional punching bag to take out his bad moods and insecurities on. Since I could see that he himself was an unhappy, insecure person, I put up with it and tried FOREVER to get him to be a more positive, caring person more open to love so that he could A) stop feeling so bad about himself, B) be open to more opportunities for happiness, and C) treat me better.

But it was pointless.

The meanness and negativity was just engrained in his personality, and even when he said he wanted to change, he just couldn't do it. We finally broke things off, and 9 months later, I'm involved with a person who treats me as his equal. Let me tell you, IT IS SO REWARDING! I can't believe how misery-free my days are now. I feel like a whole person again. I have unwaivering support from my significant other and am finally free to focus on my own emotional needs instead of constantly putting someone else's emotional needs before mine and then being left with nothing.

Honestly, Sarah, I think you should forget about trying to "fix" your boyfriend and instead focus on recognizing and "fixing" what it is in you that makes you put up with his consistently disrespectful behavior.

Think about this: What are you getting out of the relationship? Does being with him really offer enough in other areas to be able to overlook something so fundamental as mutual respect in a relationship? And knowing that he disrespects you, can you honestly maintain the notion that he is even worthy of your love??? Finally, do you really need him? Or do you need to not be alone, and why?

Good luck in whatever you do. Let us know how it goes.