She came to me this morning, and told me that she and her husband decided to call it quits last night. It was kind of out of the blue to me! She was talking just Friday of how he is so lovey dovey and all that.
He recently came into some new friends. This married couple has a rocky relationship, and they are a bit older than him, with two kids. My friend said that whenever she and her husband go out together with other people, they dnd up at each other's throats. He acts like she's his mom, and taking away all of the fun. I remember at a party we all went to, he was playing pool, and when he lost, I got to play the winner. His wife was having drinks with some friends, and her husband started complaining about how boring she is. He started letting on like she wasn't any fun at all. This was about 2 months ago. She always talked like their marriage was like two best friends who are hot for each other.
I didn't know what to make of her husband acting this way, so I never brought it up, but I kept it in the back of my mind.
Any way, she was telling me that they had a conversation the night before, about how he treats her when they're with other people. Obviously, since he's befriended this new couple, they've been hanging out with them a lot. She says that her husband acts like she's the outsider whenenver they are all together. She says that she'll see him talking to the woman particularly, and she'll join the conversation, and he reacts like his mom just came over and ruined all the fun.
She said that they are not like that at all at home. She said they never fight, and they are close at home.
I witnessed his behavior, and hers at the party, so I know what she's talking about. Every so often, when she'd notice he hadn't been around for a while, she'd go look him up, and join in wherever he was. He'd act like she just pooped on his parade.
Where is this coming from? She is 23, and he is 26, and they've been together since she was 16. She said she can live without him, but she hasn't had a single adult moment without him, since they've been together so long. She also doesn't want to lose her "best friend".
I didn't know what to say. I just couldn't believe it at all, so I stumbled through a whole lot of nothing.
I just wanted to add that some time last week, she came to me, and told me that she was going to buy her husband a birthday cake, and asked his new female friend if she wanted to join her. The friend said "Oh, don't buy him a cake, I'm going to get him one." She said that she told the woman straight up, "He's my husband, and I'M going to buy him a cake.....now would you like to join me?" She also mentioned that the female friend's husband isn't very attentive, and whenever my friend's husband plays with their kids, she catches the wife looking at him with "that look".
My friend and her husband do not have any children. I asked her if she thought this new friend had anything to do with this, and she said no. She said, "We just don't like each other any more. I thought for a couple to get divorced, something had to happen. I grew up, and he just didn't, so we don't enjoy each other." I told her that it was obvious she loved him, so maybe work from that.
She told me that he won't go to the movies or anything with her, and the other day when she and her husband were going fishing with the new friends, the friend's son looked at her, and started telling her about a movie her husband went and saw with them.
She said that made her furious. She feels like he should go hang out with her if he wants some fun time, and not do all of his fun time with his new friends.
something is up with him. Would your friend consider marriage counseling? Would she approach her husband about it?
There comes a point in a relationship where one partner will not listen, or will take what is said lightly. Sometimes it has to come from someone else for them the 'hear' it. I've been through that with my husband on topics that range from trivial to serious. I'll tell him something and a week later he will tell me what his friend just told him and its the same thing I had said!
It sounds like some counseling is called for in their situation. All you can do is suggest it and be supportive of your friend. If they've been together that long, and starting at such a young age, the odds are against them making it.
you can assume he hasn't cheated YET as you put as I assume he already has...either way thats where it looks like it's heading. So I'm thinking you also have that feeling...and I'm wondering if you and the friend have talked about it.
The scenario painted in my head is that the husband is leading a double life, telling others that his marriage is horrible...looking for someone who'll give him a ticket out, if he hasn't done so already. He looks to be hanging with people, not for anything social but to open as many doors as he can for "cheating". That to me is why he seems to have the "two face". He paints the pretty picture alone with wife to keep her there for now, paints the ugly picture away so that someone will take him.
Sure the relationship doesn't HAVE to end but choices are choices to be made. Just my nature not to in such a case. Why? It's not like the husband has some issues like, a bit of temper, a bit of irrational behavior, not compromising for this or that...he is blaming her for all things bad or making up negative things to blame her for, and that just isn't good. There's something funny going on is all...all signs seem to point to one area. Also, sometimes the guilty will lay all the blame or try to make the other person feel guilty so that the other person will do the leaving, thus alleviating some of that guilt.
She took him lunch, to try and open the lines of communication, and he pretty much shot her down. She asked him if he wanted to try councelling, and he said that counselling is for quitters. She was like, "Well....that's kind of what you're doing."
He also told her that he still loved her, that he just didn't want to be married right now.
She said something about cheating, and I asked, "Would it suprise you if he cheated?" and she said it wouldn't, because he's the type who goes after what he wants.
I'm sorry to hear about your friend. It sounds like she's going through hard times, it'll be hard even though she seems to be bracing herself. Her husband isn't acting like a husband. His fun is more important to him right now and he sees her as just that, "a party pooper". It's too bad he's reverted to the age of 15 and doesn't even understand why his behavior is hurting her. Problems can't be fixed if its not even realized -- and he seems to not understand anything but himself right now. Your friend sounds strong, tell her we're pullin for her.
*Hugs* It's good to be back ... I hope you're doing great!
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"It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities."
-Professor Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry
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She took him lunch, to try and open the lines of communication, and he pretty much shot her down. She asked him if he wanted to try councelling, and he said that counselling is for quitters. She was like, "Well....that's kind of what you're doing."
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