what should i do? I found out that my wife went on a vacation that i paid 4, with another man that she has been in love with since before i met her. We have been married for a year and a half. I love her more than life its self and she says that she still loves me. She told me that she is "not sorry" and that she "would do it all over again if she could". She hid it from me untill i found a disk with pictures of them on it on accident. I confronted her and all she would say is that i was being paranoid, her best friend ended up telling me what happend in front of her. And that is when she told me that she is sorry that i found out, and that is when i asked if she was sorry for what she did, and she replied "no".

I love her and do not want to kick her out. How can you forgive someone that isn't sorry though? I should add, she doesn't want to leave, she just wants me to accept that she is in love with some one else and for me to just deal with it. I found out all of this 3 days ago and i need some feed back as to what you all think that i should do?

[allheart]

I am so sorry you are hurting right now and feel a sense of betrayal. If she told you she is not sorry and would do it again...it is likely that she plans to do it again. Has she said that? Have you asked her that? Does she plan on keeping this man in her life? Are you going to stand for that? Surely not. First, you have to decide if you are going to be able to forgive her and even that is difficult to comprehend since she doesn't think she did anything wrong and has said she is NOT sorry, well, except being sorry you found out. But I gather, even her saying that, she didn't really mean she's sorry you found out and got hurt...but rather she is sorry you found out and she got 'caught'.

If she doesn't want to leave, she must think you will 'ok' her relationship with this other man. There is rarely room for 3 in a marriage. You need to decide if you can forgive her and maintain your marriage, but if she wants to carry on with this other man AND keep you....well.....I just don't think you have to 'settle' for that. Good luck and so sorry!

[Kristine]

[color=darkblue]I know this is hard but you have to leave her. She really isn't sorry, "actions speak louder than words". She denied until she was caught red handed, and has now told you what you want/need to hear, but her plans are to cheat again. [/color]

[bluechocolate]

I can only echo what the two previous posters said. She should not have married you if she was in love with & is still in love with another man.

[Ultragsm]

I know exactly how you feel.

I doubt if she loves you, you don't want to hurt the one you love, i don't blame her on cheating you, she was in love with the man, but after you've found out she tells you she will do it again ( from how she act she is very likely to do it again ) and she wants to stick around and keep on huring you.

Have you thought of the reason why she doesn't want to leave? you are providing her a good life? I know a girl who cheated on her bf but when he finds out she doesn't want to break up and she promise she never do it again 'cause she had no money, no job but then she goes mess around again behind him.

You just simply can't let someone do this to you.

Goodluck

feel sorry for you mate, women these days think they can have their cake and eat it, put your foot down obviously she has no respect for you its time you gave her an ultimatum its either you or the other guy, don't let her walk all over you, you may love this women but it may be time for you to move on and find someone who does respect you and does'nt treat you like a door mat. their are plenty more pebbles on the beach, these are probably harsh words but are mean't in the most constructive of ways, everyone deserves to be loved and respected why should you not have these things, all the best.

[MAINMAN1]

my freind, please listen to me as I am trying to give you advice man-to-man that can make all the difference in your future. I know you are experienceing a terrible loss and sense of despair but trust me - IT WILL GET BETTER OVER TIME, I promise. You do have the strength inside to leave her and end things and despite how painfull that will be, on top of the already devastating realizations you have been forced to come to recently-you must leave her. Leave her, but do it right. First you must forgive her regardless of her position on things - forgive and let it go - dont hold on to the negative feelings. They will only hurt you. She lied to you from the begining and deceived you on several levels. this isnt your fault - you beleived her because you trusted her and thats exactly what you were supposed to do. She is a liar and you cant change that - she will get 'hers' in life and you want to be as far away from her as possible when that happens- believe me. So forgive her on your way to your lawyers office - then ask for an anullment. An anullment is different than a divorce ... most states today are called 'no fault' divorce states. Meaning that if there is a divorce it isnt one person or the others fault - its just a divorce. If thats the case in your state you could stand to lose half or more of whatever you own to this villain. Do not give half of your assets to this person who has acted more like an enemy to you than a partner. Ask for an anullment on the grounds of 'emotional fraud'. She lied from the begining and therefore the marriage was consumated under false pretenses. She basically acted irresponsibly at best and fraudulent at worst. The judge will give you an annullment given these circumstances. This will give you more rights and give her less 'profits' from the heinous stunt she has pulled. Then, once you have gotten the anullment you go home and begin to pick up the pieces. Pamper yourself. dont hide from the painfull emotions - face them so you can work through them. The sooner you acknowledge them the sooner you will emerge from them stronger than you were before. Discover yourself and find out things about yourself you never knew. I know the future is looking hard and painfull but it is also unknown, and venturing out into the unknown is an opportunity for you to build confidence and feel the thrill of discovery again. You will find someone else - someone better, someone who will make you see things in a unclouded clarity that you cant have right now. Let time and the process of the anullment work for you in building your self esteem back up by getting some things done FOR you. Dont spend anymore of your precious life with this woman who is using you and probably has inner feelings of contemp for your 'weakness' , and a desire to hurt and belittle you. I think it is admirable that you still care for her, but you desperatley need to take care of you right now because she is only going to hurt you again and again. I hope this helps. Perhaps you should seek some form of spirituality right now and find support there - but do things now to cut ties with her. You trusted and loved with all your heart - which is the right thing to do. You tried your hardest - which you were supposed to. She wasnt able to see that - or value it. You cant help that, you have no control over her and she did what she wanted to do. So now you may have become a 'newly alone' man among the ranks of the single again - but now you have some newly formed scars you earned in the battle for love. You live and learn and now are more wise and have more depth of character - which is attractive and valuable. Look out for you right now and do some things for you so your inner self knows that despite all this - YOU wont let you down.

[RecordProducer]

Originally Posted by angiesplaytoy

her best friend ended up telling me what happend in front of her.

What's the difference between women's and men's friendship?
When a woman comes home after spending the night some place else and saying she was with at her friend's house, the husband calls her 10 best friends and none of them knows anything about it.

When I man comes home after spending the night some place else and saying he was with at his friend's house, the wife calls his 10 best friends. Seven of them confirm he was with them, and three of them say he still is there.

How can you forgive someone that isn't sorry though?

A man catches a golden fish and it asks him for 3 wishes. He says:
1. "That my wife doesn't cheat on me..."
Then he starts thinking for the second wish and says:
2."That I don't find out if she ever cheats on me..."
Then he thinks for the last one and says:
3. "And even if I do find out, I wish I don't mad..."


I am trying to cheer you up with jokes that crossed my mind when reading about your situation. You want to forgive her, but you see that you can't because she doesn't want to be forgiven. I personally don't see any chances for your marriage to succeed as an unscrupulous affair has been introduced very early in the marriage. No matter how much it hurts, it will hurt even more. If she doesn't feel sorry, she will repeat it later. Do you really think you deserve such treatment?