[dana0119]

My situation is a little complicated. About a year ago I started dating my boyfriend. He broke up with his girlfriend at the time partially because of me and partially because he couldn't see himself with her any longer. Things went well for about a month, but then we broke up because he was having personal issues not having to do with me. He was still friends with his ex and soon after our breakup they began living together. This was because she was being abused in her previous living situation. Needless to say I was still a little upset because him and I still talked and knew we would eventually get back together when he got his personal issues worked out.


Well, we talked for five months and finally got back together. We have been officially together for a little over three months now. All of that time he was still living with his ex who he assured me nothing was going on with and that they even hated each other. I found out a week ago that they had been sleeping together the first two months we were back together. He tells me that he loves me and can see himself with me forever. He kicked her out of the apartment a few days before I found out from a friend of mine that he had been cheating on me.


He feels terrible and says he feels like a totally different person and has no idea why he cheated. He cries all the time and says he will do anything I want him to do to make it up to me. He is truly remorseful and I know he cares about me. However, I don't know why he would do this to us if he really loves me and wants to be with me. I don't know what to do. If he doesn't know why he did it does that mean that he is destined to cheat again? I want things to be normal again. Is this possible? I'm sorry this is so long but I would love some feed back. Should I forgive him and try to rebuild our relationship, or is it a lost cause because he will probably just cheat again? Any input would be appreciated.

[morrigan]

It's up to you to decide whether or not you feel you can trust him again, and that he admits why he cheated on you. If he claims not to know why he cheated, he's full of BS, and you shouldn't date him again. He at least needs to be honest about why he decided to cheat.

If he really wants to prove that he is committed to you, he should end contact with his ex totally--no live ins, no friendship, no chit chat. He also needs to understand that you will have a hard time trusting him for some time.

I just don't know how much I would invest in this guy. Your bf's breakups with you might involve personal issues, but he doesn't resolve his issues alone, he has to go and be with someone--whether it be you or the former girfriend. Sorry to say this, but you don't invite someone to live with you that you hate, especially an ex girlfriend.

The same things you two have broken up about in the past might cause you to break up yet again--and he will go back to his ex. Then he might have another dispute with his ex, and want to come back to you. I think he needs to sort out his life before he gets involved with anyone.

[ziggue]

I don't know how you could've been with him while he was still living with his Ex. I would be in a nervous wreck if I was in a relationship like that. . You must've totally trusted the guy with that situation to be able to let him do that. . That would've really put a strain on you.

If I were you now I would make sure that he has cut off all contact with his Ex. No number on his mobile, home phone or anything. If you still want to be with him.

Then again if he gets away with it this time. What's the chance of him doing it to you again? If you really do want to be with him again. I would give him one more chance and if he cheats on you again leave him. Everybody deserves a second chance I guess.

Try not to get to attached to this guy and pin all of your hopes up on him. Easier said then done but. Good Luck.

It sux when a guy doesn't know what he wants or who he wants in his life. I have been there.