I just got divorced after 10 years and we have 3 daughters. I didnt want the divorce , you see Ive never been good at expressing my feelings and she says thats one thing she needed the most. It took me awhile but Im getting better with it. But i thinks its too late , she wont even talk about getting back together , but i know she loves me , she cries all the time over me when we talk.
She says she just wants to live her life alone with kids. I dont understand , can anyone give me some advice on how to get her back. Ive done all i know to do.
A very good friend of mine went through the exact same thing with her husband of 11 years (and two children later). She begged with him for years to be more forthcoming with his emotions and not fearing rejection from her. She broke up with him. One day later he is enrolled in councelling to learn how to express himself. It did no good with her. Too little too late.
You see, when a woman has finally come to end of her rope and ends a relationship (especially with children involved) it is rare that the woman will want to "try again" as far as she is concerned......she has "been trying" for years............you understand what I mean?
Go to councelling get some help, allow yourself to speak words of emotion right out loud to a complete stranger......it is very enlightening!
Good luck....I hope that someday with a lot of effort and a smile.....you two may be able to work things out. Don't ever think that your feelings don't matter to her...after all.....that's what this is all about isn't it?
I agree with Bubbles. Get some counseling for yourself first. Let her know you're doing this and then stick with your appointments. Perhaps if she can see you're doing everything you can to change and open up more, she might give you another try. The important thing is to not push her, but keep the lines of communication open. Keep in close contact with your daughters and give them the love and attention they need right now. Your wife will also see your efforts through them.
Whatever you do.......if you truly want her back, do not get into a rebound relationship with any other woman. That's the worst thing you could ever do and will decrease your chances of a reconciliation significantly.
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Don't cast your pearls before swine.
Give her the time and space that women tell us men they want, when they leave. Then after awhile of couceling, start to try to do family things together, don't try anything with her though. Slowly do things like bring her a flower or write her a poem. I have written my wife several, only given her one, but she was amazed, happy and quite surprised by the poem I gave her. It will take awhile. I don't know how quick you guys got married but my wife and I met in May and were married by July a few years ago. So I don't know if you can do some of the things that won her over in the beginning or not. For me, she saw me and from that night on we were together almost all the time. SLOWLY is how you have to take this. Think of it this way, you hopefully won't be dead tomorrow. So if it takes a year or two to get her back, then that is what it takes. I hope it doesn't take that long for you or me. Luckily we are only seperating for now.
I do not agree with Bubbles but only from personal experience. My husband had trouble expressing himself to me as well. We did not talk about anything but daily issues. It was so bad that whenever I wanted to express my feelings, (good or bad) I had to write him a letter. He thought it was stupid of me to do that but it was the only way I could talk to him. We seperated for four months a few years ago and when we got back together he promised me it would be different and we'd be able to talk to one another about everything. Well it wasn't and we're going through a dissolution now. I gave him chance after chance. If she really loves you, she will do the same. Although we're going through a dissolution now, we're BEST friends. We can talk about anything and it is really strange. We have discussed why we couldn't try and make it work in a marriage, and he said it is because when we're married and together, he feels trapped and always finds one way or another to sabatoge it. I can't deal with that anymore. I deserve to be happy, and maybe someday he'll grow up and step up and be the man I married. Maybe it is time for you to do the same.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
What can i do , i lost the love of my life.
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