[Wren]

Hi, I need brutally honest opinons.

My husband and I will be celebrating our one year anniversary this Monday , I love him so much. He loves me too, he shows me in all sorts of sweet, genuine ways.

Here's my issue: I have an irrational fear of being made of fool of. I'm afraid that he will be cheating, flirting, looking at other women, thinking about other women, wanting other women. He shows no signs of being unfaithful, he's very respectful of me. I'm just paralyzed with fear and anxiety when just thinking about him *possibly* smiling at another woman. I'm terrified of being cheated on, the thought makes me queezy. He has given me no reason to distrust him, but I'm so worried about my trust being broken that I won't let myself completely trust him.

I know I sound like a nut-job. We have two children, we have a nice house, two nice vehicles, he has a successful career that allows for me to stay home to raise our children. I'm crying as I type this, I know I need help.

There is a very pretty blonde woman who works in his company, and if I even hear that he's said good morning to her, I almost hyperventilate.

I keep this inside, but sometimes my irrational insecurities slip out and I have a mini meltdown. But, I know that if I keep up this bull****, he's going to get sick of it.

I appreciate any ideas or insight.

[lilmoma1973]

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hey Wren
it is ok to keep your guard up about thinking he can cheat because believe me it can happen!! you can keep your guard but don't drege on it thinking he has cause sometimes men say if women think they might as well do it and they will !! i hope i helped some

[dyermaker]

This is totally irrational.

It's perfectly normal for him to have relationships with females, which may include morning greetings. I reccomend some sort of therapy, because a lack of trust is completely distructive, and it's likely not all conscious decisions you're making--you even admitted the fear is groundless.

[SouthernRomeo]

Wren, to be honest dear, you sound like you need counseling of sorts. You appear to have some self esteem issues or something of the same caliber. Lot of jealous feelings derive from either a lack of trust in someone or a dislike of one's self to such a point that you feel worthless.

If your husband has shown NO signs that he is cheating on you then you must have faith in him. If you do not then you might need to look inward. Why are you so insecure. Are you lacking in your side of the relationship. There is some reason behind your fear. It is up to you to find out what that is, either by self awareness or by seeking help from a professional. I would suggest the latter.

So in the end, you can either a.) continue down this trail to the point that as you said your husband can't take it, or b.) seek help in finding out what the root of your insecurity is. Good luck in your endeavor.

EDIT: Also sit down and talk with your husband as well. Let him know you have these insecurities and that you wish to find a way to resolve them. If your husband is true to you, then his help and guidance can aid in resolving the issue at hand.

[oscaroc]

I don't know if this will help but here it goes, My wife was the same way maybe not as extreme but still the same. WE have been married four years now and are seperated at this time.

It turned out she was the one that eventually strayed, infedelity, and now I am the one with trust issues. And it is my fault that she did the things she did according to her. there is a lot more to the story than that but i am trying to keep it short. What i am trying to say here is I suggest you seek a professional that will help you sort out your thoughts and let you know what is going on with you. I know my wife has some sort of mental issue that i hope she will get help with in this time we are seperated. But know this he has needs as well as you do and you both need to meet those needs for each other.

[Wren]

I honestly appreciate these replies. I'm normally an anxious person, and I think it's getting the better of me again. Paxil worked well for me at one time and I called my doctor this afternoon. She and I talked about these fears, and she thinks I should give Paxil another try. I will consider talk therapy in the near future also.

I had a heart to heart with my husband earlier, I'm so lucky to have him. He said he wants me to be happy with not just our marriage, but with myself foremost.

Thanks for the comments, I needed some validation that I need to get a handle on this.

[Becks84]

Your husband sounds wonderful, and good for you for taking the initiative to do what needs to be done for your own well-being and for the sake of your marriage! You love him and don't want to drive him crazy or worse -- drive him away -- so your issues need to be taken care of!
Best wishes!

[oscaroc]

I am on zoloft and has helped me out tremendously because i to am a very anxious person. I think its a good move.

[SouthernRomeo]

Great job taking that step Wren. Sounds like things are on their way to working out. Keep us informed. Would like to know how things work out.