I need the love of my life back

poohbear · 13th May 2004, 10:29 AM

Hello,
I really need help with some advice or something....My ex and I were together for 8 months, we were together constantly. We spent every bit of free time together. Well lets get started with the problems I have had a lot of bad relationships in the past and I have a hard time trusting people. We use to fight about my insecurities and how I was jealous and the fact that I would try to push him away. Well I finally realized what I was doing and I wanted to change but it was too late....

He broke up with me about two weeks ago and that didn't last long we decided that we would be together and just give eachother some space and we have a three week break between spring semester and summer and that we would spend time with friends and family.... Well the two weeks before the break we got along great...we were having a great time... ON the day I left to go home for the break he kissed and hug me and told me everything was going to be ok....(He even gave my mom a mothers day card, that said that he loved me with all his heart and we would work everything out together)... Well two days had went by and I didn't call because I wanted to give him his space and then he called and left a message and said that we needed to talk.

I called him back and he said that he doesn't think it is the time for us to be together right now. He said that he is really hurt from all the stuff that has happened in the past and that he doesn't think he can get over it...He said that he can't say we will never get back together but he doesn't see it right now...

I really don't know what to do... I love him with all my heart...I know that he is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with and I would do anything to change the past when I pushed him away....I need some help....

bluechocolate · 13th May 2004, 11:22 AM

There isn't much you can do to change his mind & you certainly can't change the past. He knows you would like to get back together, now all you can do is try to get on with your life and work on those insecurities of yours. If he decides to give you another chance, great, but you can't spend the rest of your life waiting for that decision, because it may never come.

poohbear · 13th May 2004, 11:43 AM

I know I can't wait the rest of my life on him, but I feel like I want too. I love him so much...He said that he still want to be friends so I am going to try to be friends and see if there is something more later....and keep hopin

meanttolive4ever · 13th May 2004, 11:47 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by poohbear
I know I can't wait the rest of my life on him, but I feel like I want too. I love him so much...He said that he still want to be friends so I am going to try to be friends and see if there is something more later....and keep hopin

i said the same thing and look where i'm at...i'm always worrying about phone calls and when ill see him next..im driving myself crazy over stuff.

bluechocolate · 13th May 2004, 2:55 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by poohbear
I know I can't wait the rest of my life on him, but I feel like I want too. I love him so much...He said that he still want to be friends so I am going to try to be friends and see if there is something more later....and keep hopin

If I remember correctly meantolive4ever (which of course she won't

) has been trying to be friends since February.

What you're setting yourself up for is a prolonging of the agony of a break up when the wisest thing to do is to get over it now. Not in 2, 4 or 6 months from now. By hanging around waiting for things to change you're just telling him that you haven't changed and you haven't gotten over your insecurities. And in fact hanging around with your life in limbo while he gets on with his is only going to make you even more insecure. So why would he take you back?

meanttolive4ever · 13th May 2004, 3:08 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by bluechocolate

If I remember correctly meantolive4ever (which of course she won't

) has been trying to be friends since February.

What you're setting yourself up for is a prolonging of the agony of a break up when the wisest thing to do is to get over it now. Not in 2, 4 or 6 months from now. By hanging around waiting for things to change you're just telling him that you haven't changed and you haven't gotten over your insecurities. And in fact hanging around with your life in limbo while he gets on with his is only going to make you even more insecure. So why would he take you back?

yep..i sure have..and its not working out too well

poohbear · 13th May 2004, 4:20 PM

I know that everyone says I should just get over him but I am not sure I can....I know that he is the one for me...I am pretty sure that he once felt the same way if I hadn't pushed him away then he would still be here

sid3 · 14th May 2004, 8:49 PM

Just get over him/her is so much easier said than done. I think it is said with the best intentions, but the reality is only the one who is trying to get over it can determine when and how that is to happen. I have been going thru the no contact policy for 4 and a half months. I would love to wake up tomorrow and not think about my x the second my eyes open. I am starting to believe that hope is self destructive. I hope I am able to have a second chance with my x girlfriend. There was no abuse, lying or cheating, so I feel there is a chance things may change. But by having this hope, it seems to keep the mind from accepting the situation.Perhaps it is the body's way of trying to protect the heart. There seems to be something wrong with wanting someone who doesn't want and/or return your love. We are all unique, I guess that is why there are those that hope for a second chance and those who can move on to the next person in there life. I am not one of them. They say love teaches tough lessons, I agree. The more time that goes by, the more I find myself wondering(obsessing) about the future. I have read several times to take it one day at a time. I am going to try it, it's too bad we live in a society that is based on instant gratification. I wonder how long the shelf life is on hope?

UCFKevin · 14th May 2004, 9:27 PM

If you try to win him back and keep pushing for him to come back to you, it'll just turn him off even further. So don't do that.

Just let it be. The Beatles weren't kidding around when they came up with that song. Let it be.

If it's meant to work out, it will. If not, you'll move on and find someone else. Just don't repeat the same mistakes. That's what life's about.

poohbear · 15th May 2004, 4:59 PM

Last night I went out with some friends and decided that I am going to not worry about what he is thinking, and if he wants to get back together and just have fun...I decided to focus on making myself happy and living one day at a time...Sure i would love to be in a relationship with him but he doesn't want that and there is nothing I can do about that other than walk away and live my life for me....Thanks for all your advice you have really help me come to the decisions I have made......