i am with this guy whom is very active and enjoys doing many things where i on the other hand have several fears and phobias and am scared to pieces to do several things and becuz of my phobias i do not want to do these things with him and i feel like such an idiot because i do not want to ruin his fun and i feel that i am heading that way. he wants us to go to this hot springs and go on this train ride and through these caves! i am terrified of water due to a child near drowing, i am claustophobic, so no train ride for me, and i do not like heights either, and i surely cannot go in caves because of the claustophobia.

he planned some weekend activities for us, for a surprise and i found out now what they are and i am freaking! he knows these things about me and said we do not "have" to do them all but how is that really going to make him feel? he is wanting to do these things and now i will be too afraid to do them and i will j ust ruin his whole time! what can i do? is there a crash course i can take for this? lol

[HokeyReligions]

Most phobias cannot be 'gotten over' quickly - but they can be treated.

There are two books that I've heard are helpful -- I've never read them, I was only told about them.

Ocercoming Panic, Anexiety, & Phobias by Shirley Babior
How to Conquer your Fears, Phobias & Anexities by Herbert, Phd Fensterheim

Your bf has to like you for more than these things and maybe you can reach some compromises while you are working on conquering your fears. Work on one fear at a time - like water. Maybe you can go to the springs with him, but don't get in the water, just sit on the side with your feet in the water.

[moimeme]

Actually, as I understand it, phobias are fairly easy to cure. You just have to want to cure them enough to go get them treated. A competent psychologist can sort you out fairly quickly.

[shamen]

Lenora, you may, in the meantime before you cure your phobias through counseling and reading, want to tell him that you can't do all of these activities.

I, for one, know that there is no way in hell I would put my body into a cave if it's one where you are crawling around. Now the ones you can walk in are pretty cool... But caving would totally freak me out. I have a good friend who went spelunking (spelling?) with some friends and one of them freaked in the cave and had to be talked down to get out of there.

Basically what I'm saying is, if you can't do something, don't force yourself to do so.

Trains are a lot bigger inside though then you may expect. I have found them to be much roomier and more comfortable than a bus! Can you stand to be in a bus? Feet in the water is a good step!

Good luck!