[LILUIL]

Dang! Im not even 30 yet and I am going through these symptoms:

>boredom and exhaustion, or frantic energy (yup, all the time ups and downs, work affected)
>self-questioning (worries, am i good enough?, much regrets about time, past )
>daydreaming (mostly about mistakes, my bf, life, death, more worries)
>irritability, unexpected anger (which i hide from the world)
>acting on alcohol, drug, food, or other compulsions (compulsive exercising, suddenly overconscious bout looks)
>greatly decreased or increased sexual desire (didn't notice this one)
>sexual affairs, especially with someone much younger (nothing here)
>greatly decreased or increased ambition. (I've been planning all kinds of stuff and diary is
getting full faster than usual)

am i going through MLC or am i depressed?

i'm worried i'll never find a man to settle down with. even if i eventually get married, what will happen if i get divorced. worried i'll never own my own property. will i ever get a better job, should i quit this one. worried about dying young then all my dreams would go to waste.

all these BIG QUESTIONS running through my head non stop.

i've never had parents to look up to, never had a man be honest to me, never had a friend who never used me and all i have is a great career, which started going down the drain since recently due to office politics... aimed mostly at me.

I feel sometimes life is not worth living, and so alone in tackling all these things by myself.

i made my life move fast and in some ways i am 'above' my peers work wise, like pay back to the other things they have that i don't, parents as back up when they dont get their salary on time, i never had that privilege.

mostly worried bout the "Liluil curse". Lucky in life unlucky in love. Moan!

since i found this site less than 10 days ago, i've been almost addicted and hypnotised. have been reading non stop.

- more rants from pathetic ole me -

[moimeme]

Go see your doc. It could be something physical, though it sounds to me more like stress. If you haven't much of a support network and your career (all you have, by your own report) is jeopardized, that would be very stressful.

Your doc can rule out any possible physical causes for your problems. You could even be in early perimenopause!

[HokeyReligions]

It does sound like stress. It also sounds pretty normal for your age group. Approaching 30 and even people that don't want kids have that ole biological clock ticking away. It's fine if the decision to not have kids is yours, but to be told you can't have them is a whole 'nuther matter. The only reason I say that is because a friend of mine was going through something similiar to what you described and as her body changed naturall it made her stress out which also affected her hormones. She was afraid she'd never find Mr. Right, never have a family, house, etc. and didn't know who to turn to because she'd always been self-sufficient. She focused so much on her career because that was the only thing that she felt she had control over. Once she reached a certain point in her job, she began to lose control over it. Sometimes the higher up you go in a job, and the more responsibility you have - the worse the job becomes personally. The climb is the easy part - maintenance is the hard part.

She stepped back and got a physical and also went through her EAP at work for some short-term counseling just to help her get her feet under her again. She was on a low-dose prozac for a while and that and the therapy helped her to not feel so overwhelmed in her life.

See a doctor and get a physical to make sure you are healthy, and check into an EAP at your job.