[ELK]

I AM 35, AND MY HUSBAND OF A YEAR AND A HALF IS ALMOST 30. WHEN WE MET HE DIDN'T KNOW HOW OLD I WAS AT FIRST AND WE HIT IT OFF IMMEDIATELY, THE AGE ISSUE NEVER WAS A PROBLEM. THAT WAS ABOUT 4 YEARS AGO. WE LIVED IN DIFFERENT STATES AT THE TIME AND I MADE THE MOVE TO BE WITH HIM BEFORE WE GOT MARRIED.
BEFORE WE WERE MARRIED HE ADMITTED TO ME ONE TIME OUT OF THE BLUE THAT HE WAS SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO YOUNGER WOMEN. HE STATED HE TALKED WITH HIS FRIENDS AND FOUND THIS WAS A NORMAL THING. HE STATED THAT HE WAS VERY SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO ME AND THERE WAS NO PROBLEM. WELL, EVER SINCE MOVING HERE, EVEN BEFORE GETTING MARRIED, WE HAVE HAD INTIMACY ISSUES. I HAVE BECOME EXTREMELY INSECURE, AND SELF CONSCIOUS. I HAVE A HARD TIME GOING PLACES WHERE YOUNG WOMEN ARE LIKE THE MALL FOR INSTANCE BECAUSE MY HUSBAND IS ALWAYS LOOKING. I HAVE FOUND PORN INVOLVING TEENS AND YOUNG WOMEN ON THE COMPUTER AND VIDEOS AND MAGAZINES NUMEROUS TIMES. HE HAS LIED SEVERAL TIMES OVER THE PAST COUPLE YEARS STATING HE WAS NOT INTERESTED ANYMORE AND ONLY WANTED TO WORK ON OUR RELATIONSHIP ECT... SOME OF THE PORN INVOLVES OLDER WOMEN AS WELL, I DON'T FEEL IT IS JUST A TEEN FETISH, BUT A PORN ADDICTION.
WELL, ONCE AGAIN I HAVE FOUND MORE PORN AFTER MORE LIES FROM A COUPLE MONTHS AGO WHEN I FOUND MANY VIDEOS AND I ALMOST ENDED OUR MARRAIGE.
MY HUSBAND STATES HE FEELS VERY BADLY FOR HURTING ME AND DOES NOT WANT TO LOSE ME. HE HAS TOLD ME THAT HE WANTS TO NOW TRY HAVING US WORK TOGETHER ON OUR SEXUAL LIFE, AND ASKS IF I CAN BE OPEN MINDED. HE STATES THAT HE DOESN'T SEE A PROBLEM WITH HAVING A FANTASY AS LONG AS HE IS SHARING IT WITH ME. IN OTHER WORDS HE WOULD LIKE TO WATCH THIS PORN AND LIVE OUT HIS FANTASIES WITH ME. HE SAID HE WOULD NEVER BREAK OUR COMMITMENT AND CHEAT ON ME, AND I KNOW THIS IS TRUE. I JUST FEEL SO INADEQUATE. I DON'T FEEL A PERSON SHOULD HAVE TO HAVE THIS OTHER STIMULI IF YOU ARE TRULY HAPPY WITH THE ONE YOU ARE WITH.
THIS PROBLEM IS LITERALLY DESTROYING ME AND MY SELF WORTH, AND I HAVE BECOME VERY DEPRESSED. I DON'T WANT TO SEE THIS MARRAIGE END BUT I CAN'T LIVE FEELING THIS WAY ANYMORE.
ANY THOUGHTS WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED.

SINCERELY.

UNHAPPY AND HURTING

[mywife'smanalways]

Dear Unhappy and Hurting,
I am sorry to hear about your dilemma. Your husband indeed has a porn problem. He is also suffering from a maturity deficit. In my humble opinion, he needs to seek help for his addiction. He apparently cannot grasp just what this is doing to you. I also believe that perhaps you need some counsel as well. Not because of any problem that you have, but because of the stress and damage that this is inflicting on you. NO one enjoys being lied to, and this conduct can't be allowed to go on in a marriage.

I wish you the best, and will keep you in my prayers.

[Jacksin]

You have my sympathies ELK but why are you yelling (using capitals)
It is very hard to read and I gave up part way through.
Jack

[ELK]

Sorry for YELLING, I am just being lazy!!

you can not hold what he does against your self. some men need porn not in a sexual manner, but as a way to cope with their aging, i have met to mant men that only care about porn so that they can remember "the good old days". don't let this get you down. my wife and i went through a similair fight, accept that she was the porn addict and expected me to want to watch with her, she is 9 years older than me so it turns out that she thought that i wanted to see she eventuialy realized that i was not interested, and rather than ruining our relationship, i just accepted that she needs porn to feel better about herself