I met the man of my dreams....I love his kids....he loves mine....I've met a lot of his friends...and some of his family....they all totally like me....oh...except for one set of his friends....he met them over a year ago...and I met him over three months ago....this set of friends...consist of a father....a daughter....her two small children and another daughter....

Well the father of the bunch....can't stand me....he told my guy that when he meets people he can tell about them through their eyes...well he looked at my eyes...(not into them)...and told my guy that there was this blank there....he saw nothing....therefore I am hiding something... and that he does not agree that I would be a good person.... well the daughters couldn't stand me at first....now they seem to like me pretty well... the thing is that these are the main people he hangs out with....and most of the time I'm not included....I just moved to this area and all of my friends are long distance....

My guy feels that he will judge me according to what he feels..not this one friend... his mother met me ...she thinks the world of me....although after he hanging with his friends a while she's been down for a visit.....she seems to have drifted from me...got his friends daughter a mother's day gift...but not me....I wasn't expecting anything...but got them both a gift...it just makes me wonder why she didn't get me anything...when I've been there for her also while she's been visiting....she told me I shouldn't have got her anything....I feel as though I've given my all and gotten little in return...I feel as though I'm a piece of parsley on a seven course meal side dish....

so my question to everyone is....should I continue putting myself in the uncomfortable situation around this guy who doesn't like me for no reason except the way my eyes look to him....just to be with my boyfriend...because most of the time he's with them....keep in mind that him and I have a close connection....and I'm totally in love with this guy and would love to spend the rest of my life with him....?

[morrigan]

Does your bf not invite you to hang out with these friends who don't care for you? Or do you just not choose to go? Either way, at least attempt to hang out with your boyfriend and these friends, and start a friendly conversation. You are his girlfriend, if he invites you to come with on certain occasions they have no valid reason to object.

The friend's reason to dislike you is foolish, and telling your boyfriend what he thought of you was rude, but you will be the better person if you at least try to be amicable with him. How old is this friend and his daughters? Maybe he was hoping your boyfriend would date one of his daughters, if they are around your age. Maybe he is just over protective of his friend. Who knows? Just be friendly and polite. Griping to your boyfriend isn't a good idea--it will put him in a tight spot.

If you really like your boyfriend, and this is the only problem, keep dating him and try not to allow their behavior to bother you badly. Even if you never really feel comfortable around them, you are at least trying to get to know people important to your boyfriend, and you are being a lot more open than they are.

[bluechocolate]

should I continue putting myself in the uncomfortable situation around this guy who doesn't like me for no reason except the way my eyes look to him

This friend shouldn't be with you guys all the time. Surely you and your new b/f need some time to yourselves, even though that sounds like it could be difficult with children around. You say that he mainly hangs out with this guy and most of the time you are not included. Does that mean that he is spending more time with this friend than with you? Because if so then that's an indication to me that things aren't so great with the two of you. Three months into a relationship is still new in my books, right now he should be more interested in getting to know you than in hanging out with his friends. I think it's happened to all of us at some point in our lives where we don't see very much of our friends because they've started dating someone new.

When you are together with this friend you should at least both be mature enough to be civil and polite in each others company. You never know, maybe this friend is waiting to see if you "go the distance" before opening up to you (though I think this eye-judging business makes him sound like a bit of a nutter).

I wouldn't worry about the gift business with his mother. She may just feel that she doesn't know you well enough yet to start buying gifts for you.

You should try and make some friends outside of this circle so that you're not entirely dependent on your b/f for all of your social needs.

[Julie McCoy]

I see several things that give me pause:

1. How did you come to find out about this friend's opinion of you, especially the specifics? Even if you asked your bf how his friend felt about you, I don't understand why he told you what he did, if he intends to keep both his friendship with that man, and his relationship with you intact.

Assuming that the friend did say this, and your bf disagrees but kept silent at the time, what possible good would be served by letting you know? Now you're just going to be insecure, suspicious and awkward when that friend is around -- which certainly won't help matters. Even if your bf was assuming that nothing needed to be said because in time his friend would come to see that he was wrong about you (and i think that's a big assumption, and rather cowardly to boot), why would he want you to know that his friend ever held a bad opinion about you.

Seems to me like your boyfriend is either quite stupid or quite callous. Or both.

2. Why didn't your boyfriend tell his friend to stick it where the sun doesn't shine? Why would he tolerate such a demeaning insult to you that is not based on anything but the friend's supposed ability to assess people by looking at their eyes? Again, makes me wonder about your boyfriend.

3. You seem to be a little too dependent upon your boyfriend, a guy you've only been with for 3 months. You indicate that he's your only source for socializing -- do you think that's wise? I know you just moved to the area, but why are you restricting yourself to interacting with people you know through him? Where will that leave you if the two of you break up? I know you don't want to break up with him, but you've only been together for 3 months so it sure seems like you're putting all of your eggs in one basket.

4. Connected to problem #3, it also seems like you're going overboard in trying to "win" people over. I do think it's a bit weird to buy people you've only known for a very little while Mother's Day gifts. It's a nice gesture, in a way, but actually it would come across to me as someone who was trying way too hard. You have to gauge what you do not just according to your inclinations (sounds like you've got a generous spirit) but also according to how things will come across to other people. For one thing, the last time I checked Mother's Day is the day that children buy gifts for their mothers -- not friends for friends who are mothers. I mean, whatever, different groups will have different traditions and different norms. Maybe where you are it's somewhat common to buy your friends who have children mugs or t-shirts saying "super mom!" But even if that's the case, would you really do that for someone you've known for 3 months? Seems a bit pushy, a bit desperate.

You can't rush friendships by buying tokens, or making gestures. And you shouldn't WANT to be friends with anyone who's going to shun you because of something they think they see in your eyes. My advice is to diversify a bit -- find some people to spend time with occasionally who aren't connected to your boyfriend. Don't make yourself so dependent upon him. Then the opinions of those around him won't matter so much to you... and perhaps you'll feel comfortable enough in your life to question why the man you love doesn't seem to be inclined to stick up for you when his friends choose to bad-mouth you.

wow... a lot of advise....and ouch the truth hurts....julie....ok.....when we first met...and even now...we have a very open communication....although...after I explained to him how horrible knowing that stuff made me feel he felt stupid for ever telling me...I told him that it was just to much information....I do have a couple friends outside this relationship....one is a guy...and I stopped hanging out with him at first and realized that was dumb....and we still chat...and get together occasionally....maybe it was dumb to buy them a mother's day gift...I've always been very genourours...that's just me...but it was only a candle....and they had invited me over to the evening meal for mother's day...so I thought it a thank you as well...but ofcourse I can't go back and change time and say stupid me....but if the situation occurs agian....sure I will change that....also...the reason I brought it up is because she met me actually before this friend of mikes...and bought her a gift....but not me...so that's why I thought maybe some concern....
I didn't or wouldn't get a damn thing for the male friend involved...the one who has judged me eternally for my eyes....the thing is he hangs around with them alot...like right now...he's there with his mother...and I'm at home...and basically that's the way it goes 75% of the time....it seems....he tried having me over more and he felt he was pushing his friends....so now I'm just occasionally invited....and I do accept the invitations....but I'm don't see that this guy is ever goig to lighten up around me...and I'm still feeling uncomforatable...and I'm thinking I need to maybe start refusing the invites....if it's going to be a forever thing...although I"ve been thinking that if he friend keeps being coldish toward me that he will eventually give the friend up for the sake of our relationship...and if he doesn't ...I thought...I will stand it till I can't anymore....and then I will just hang out with him away from his friends...
what do you think???

as far as the question...does the father want him for one of his unattractive daughters...well hell yes...I think that's what he's been shooting for....and I think she has too....I feel like I really can't trust them....even yesterday evening...she commented....you do laundry....will you marry me....lol....ha ha....she's so unattractive...I could never be jealous of her....but they both would do anything for him....and there has to be a good reason why....and I think at this point of his life he may need that support he has so many things happening in his life and wants to believe that they are just loyal as hell friends instead of seeing their alternative motives....I really don't trust them to be alone with them without him becuase I think they would easily try and set me up and say that I said something I didn't or whatever....after all their out to protect their best interest...and I think the real reason I really wanted to get the little candle to her for mother;s day....is to show my boyfriend that I have no hard feelings against them and would do what it takes to be peaceable with them....but sometimes... I guess we just go to far when we are put in stupid situations like this...