[novell]

HI any advice would help... ok i was married for 8 yrs and div after physical abuse..i dated other people as did he..after he completed his probation for the physical abuse .we started talking and decided to reconcile he showed he had changed and i beleived that my daughter neded her father in her life..she was4 at the time..after we moved back in together i found out i was pregnant we remaried for insurance.while i was pregnant our marriage was wonderfull but aftermy son was born things changed he became verbally abusive ,keeps bringing up my past relationships that i had when we were divorced..he cant let it go..things have just gone from bad to worse ..he has told me he doesnt love me he wants out..he has put us in debt because of his smoking weed problem..i dont do drugs but he thinks that a joint is just like a beer..my daughter knows what he is doing outside.when she comes looking for him ..he yells at her to go back inside..he doesnt think this is wrong..he works i stay at home so i feel trapped..he told me to get a job..so i did a nihgt job..but now he doesnt like that schedule cause he thinks ill be unfaithfull..when we seperated before one of my coworkers helped me move a young man ..my husband thinks we slept together ..(we wernt) but he blames that for our breakup not his actions...this weekend my first boyfriend first love called my moms i was there...i havent seen him in 11 yrs..he was down seeing his mom for mothers day..he wanted to catch up so we met....it was like being thrown back into a time warp ..we started right back were we left off..he left to go into the military when we were in school and i never saw him until that ay..i looked for him on the internet when i was seperated ..he told me he looked for me as well..but he is married now..but he says his marriage was one built out of a 3 weeks of great sex and a short engagment due to the fact that she from out of the country and her visa was going to expire...she also has ms..he spends hisweekends alone she doesnt like to do anything he does... they dont go to family functions together because of the cultrual differences
so he spends most of his time alone...shes told him she doesnt want kids it would interfear with her job..when he was down he saw my son now 8 mths old ....but the time that we spent together was just what i remembered i wasnt expecting to feel this way about him and he said it as well he said if he would have found me before he would have married me..he knows about my husband wanting to leave me and the kids..he says he cares for me deeply and wants to continue this relationship he doesnt know what will happen with him and his wife..he says it a loveless and lonley marriage..if we wernot ~attached~ to other people we would be doing a reunion of lost loves like on classmates..i know my marriage is gone..i know i have never stopped loving this man who was my first..and he has never stopped loving me..i guess my question is ..what are the real possibilitys of this reunion? anyone with any experience?

[morrigan]

When both you and your old boyfriend have received your divorces, there is a possibility for a relationship. Has he ever mentioned divorcing this woman he is so unhappy with? If this guy really views his marriage as a mistake and wants out, he needs to file for a divorce. His wife's visa may expire, but as she is legally married to him, she will not be deported and has the potential to become a U.S. citizen. Don't get tangled up in his marital mess.

To be honest with you, it might be better to wait a while after your divorce and spend time on yourself. You are in the process of getting out of an unhappy marriage, immediately plunging into a new relationship might bring up old wounds the first time you argue. For your own sake, don't get involved with a married man--it'll just cause more emotional havoc in your life, and I doubt you want that.

He's married. He's not available. Have respect for his marriage and his wife and don't try to initiate anything with him. You're just out of an abusive marriage. Take the time to find yourself again and fully heal from what you've been through. Jumping back into a relationship is not a smart move.....and when you ARE ready, find someone who's truly single. Married men are...MARRIED.