[markiemarcc]

as ive told u--21 years of marriage and she wants out--i dont love you anymore etc etc--but so many mixed signals...so i went to the house to get some things yesterday knowing shed be gone. There--i found in clear view-on the table--a list of 36 things she hates about me...36!!!! It just seemed to setup. Then in the bedroom (and this really broke my heart) shed had out 1 of the 9 picture albums
and was pulling out and separating our photos. its like she made a point for me to see it--or shed have gotten further along with it then she did. Any thots?

[bluechocolate]

This from your previous post

so after 21 yrs of marriage--she wants out--she says, i dont love you anymore, i want to be alone (there is no one else in her life--shes not like that) .......now i slip mentions to my daughter im 'going away' to concerts out of town..(she has to wonder with whom) and plant little interruptions on the phone (such and such female calling on line 2)---would this bother u and make u think?

and part of my answer to you then

There is the real possibility that the little mentions to your daughter ( and shame on you for involving her in your game ), and your planned interruptions on the phone will spectacularily back fire on you and push your wife further away.

[markiemarcc]

right--but i dont believe that could all happen in 2 days time--it seemed to 'setup' to me

[bluechocolate]

So you're both playing games then. What do either of you possibly hope to gain from this?

In your previous post you mentioned that you still love her. After 21 years of marriage I have to assume you're both adults and I think these kinds of games are immature.

Just tell her that you love her and you're willing to work on saving your marriage, if that is what you want. Offer to go to marriage counselling as a couple and make sure you do it as a condition of rebuilding your relationship. If she's not interested then at least make the divorce as amicable as is possible, without all the silly games. I don't know how old your daughter is but this can't be very nice for her, not to mention what it's teaching her about marriage and conflict resolution.

[markiemarcc]

its pretty hard blue--when u beg for counseling and she wants no part of it--and then i say "it'd kill me to see you with somebody else" and she says 'well im gonna find him"..and thats not a game? a hurtful one?

[bluechocolate]

I'm sorry that she doesn't want to work things out with you. That must really suck. I've been with my SO for 9 years, only 5 of them living together so I can't really say what the **** I would be like after 21 and have it end like that. You both sound like people who have been very hurt. But honestly, playing games with each others feelings isn't going to help one bit. If she's doing it then don't stoop to her level. You'll be the better for it.

Cheers

p.s. I hope she's not destorying pictures, take the photo albums if you can - both of you at least owe it to your daughter that the family history stays intact