Caring about exes is not worth it

calithin83 · 9th May 2004, 3:01 PM

why do we care about our exes after even being in the relationship we werent happy? i dunno i really am giving up..i dont want to see him, talk to him..NOTHING..i just want to move on with my life.. i know there is so much out there for me and i also know that i am a girl with a great personality, good feelings and lots going for her and he was unable to see it..so whatever..it really his loss...

tom_gbr · 9th May 2004, 3:13 PM

i know what u mean about caring for your ex...my feelings for her were still really strong for her until i found out she got with some guy she met in a bar and they have been talking lots on the phone...so much for my ex wanting to be single to sort out everything thats going on in her life.

i didnt deserve to be dumped the way i did....two weeks after i took her to paris for valentines day and our 6 month anniversary...right before all the holidays where we had planned to stay in her dads empty house and the worst of all she did it over the phone like a coward.

i loved her so much....i would of done anything for this girl...i am a great guy and i deserve better than that.

i just cant understand how she changed so much...she used to love me so much and now.....nothing

littlemissomg · 9th May 2004, 3:20 PM

Five months after my bf of four years (recently proposed) admitted cheating and we split up... even after seeing him out with the other woman... there are very occasional times when I think 'oh it would be so simple if he'd just stayed faithful'... but the truth is I love my new life, I had to absolutely rebuild my life from scratch and I've discovered how strong I am. Care for him? Not exactly... I don't even care enough to be mad at what he did any more. But sometimes not having him there is tough, simply because it's not what I'm used to.

It does get easier. Everyone says that, but it's true... do your suffering, get as low as possible, and rise above it. Show yourself your strength and then move on to a better, happier life.

littlemissomg · 9th May 2004, 3:27 PM

Tom - I know what you mean about the way you were dumped... my ex spent months emotionally pulling away from me as he fell out of love with me, he started gaining independence, had his affair, all the time as he was really preparing to pull away he was openly proposing, looking for houses for us to move into and planning a Las Vegas wedding for us which would have been this summer. Then, when he realised other women were interested/ he was strong enough without me, he admitted his affair because he wanted me to end it... this, the day before my birthday, a month after our 4 year anniversary and a month before Christmas.

I have no bad feelings for what he did, but I will always think of him as a bad person because of the way he did it - he didn't give me the chance to prepare for the split, and that hurts as much as his cheating did.

And yet now, it was the best thing he could have done and I wouldn't change it for anything. It made me.

meanttolive4ever · 9th May 2004, 4:01 PM

i still care about my ex..the love will always be there its just time for me to move on...seeing as he is rebounding with some chick..oh well he'll regret it longer down the road...she has nothing to offer him anyways..no job no car no money nothing...not even a diploma....haha. But I dont think that you really "fall" out of love...after all it only does take a spark to restart the flame.

tom_gbr · 9th May 2004, 4:29 PM

yeah i look back at how my ex acted the two weeks before she finished it....it was like she was trying to convince herself that she really wanted me...organising it so i could stay with her for two weeks.....things we could do together and the road trips we could go on in my new car.

she also told me that when i was going to be at her mums wedding that i would be sitting on the head table which meant so much to me.....it was like i was part of the family and i would get to see the girl that i love looking her best as a bridesmaid....then the two weeks afterwards we were going to be alone together for two weeks.

she made me accepting the break up so much harder by doing all this.convincing herself that she wanted me...it made it worse for both of us.

the wedding is coming up real soon....i sent her mum and her fiance a card to say best of luck...my ex doesnt know that i have...i might hear from her when her mum gets it this week.

i remember us walking back to our hotel alongside this river valentines evening in disneyland...holding her hand and thinking to myself that i am so lucky to have her in my life and that i couldnt see us not being together. that weekend was like a dream come true... spending valentines weekend in disneyland paris with the only girl that i have ever loved.

in some ways i should be so angry for my ex breaking up with me they way she did...all that i mentioned above and the fact she finished it on the phone...also she wouldnt let me drive up and see her for two weeks...we live two hours apart.

i think this was because she was worried that she would want me back if she saw me....she broke it off because of the fact that we never had time for each other because she got a saturday - sunday job and the fact that we live two hours apart so it was always an effort to see each other...also we are both still very young.

she said that she still loved me when we broke up...she said it the night she broke up with me....crying down the phone...this made it so much harder to accept.

i just wish we had a couple more months together so we could do all these things together that we had planned...and all the suprises that i had planned for her....but i know that wont happen.

i just hope she still thinks about me and looks back at everything we have had together. she said to me that i had given her the best six months of her life.

meanttolive4ever · 9th May 2004, 4:37 PM

You know the funny thing about my ex was that when i told him i'd do anything for him and that i loved him so much...he would ask "you really do love me that much dont you?" and it just made me smile...gosh i hate guys.

calithin83 · 9th May 2004, 5:14 PM

wow im amazed at all the things u guys wrote, some of u sound so wise....

I just want u all to know that even though i had a hard time not talking to him at first..and today is4th day no contact..im feeling so much better about myself!! im really feeling like imma get over him in no time...ive been smiling alot today..and i guess im starting to realize how much im worth, i had become blind and i thought i needed him in order to be happy..but now i realize i dont...he had it so good with me..my gosh!!! i mean i did so much for him, and i dont even knowhow..i guess cos i loved him...and whether he misses that well i dont know..should i care? maybe not..thats his problem..
he really didnt do much for me...ok he took me to eat...and umm....well ...thats almost about it...maybe he did me lil favors but nothing big..so theres not much to miss....anyways ive blocked him from AIM...havent called him and DEFINETELY WONT..imma text him tonight just cos i need my book for school..
but i really dont wanna see him, or talk to him..but imma just see him cos i need my book but i wont say anything..cos really i dont wanna talk to him..theres no point..ITS OVER and i want it to stay that way..

Let him date all the chicks he wants, hey he might get lucky and find someone who he wants, cos obviously i wasnt what he wanted.so whatever....i dunno...im excited of my future without him..i know im growing and will be someone totally different in a positive way...i needed that change...

calithin83 · 9th May 2004, 5:15 PM

oh another thing..ive been hurt from him since last year after my bday on july...so dont think that the 4day no contact and im already feeling good..nah ive been off since last year in july...and we had been on and off and so i guess all that hurt is starting to heal til now...so hmm how many months has that been? basically 10 months...10 months where he didnt appreciate me...so whatever!

meanttolive4ever · 9th May 2004, 9:56 PM

hmm i think my ex is calling me...seriously. its starting to get to me..cause i dont know if its him or if its the wrong number. i dont know..but its starting to freak me out.

pixiegrrl28 · 10th May 2004, 2:16 AM

Why don't you answer the phone and find out if it is him or not?

meanttolive4ever · 10th May 2004, 10:45 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by pixiegrrl28
Why don't you answer the phone and find out if it is him or not?

well i did ask him to call me sometime....but why would he block his number? he knows that i always want to talk to him...

pixiegrrl28 · 10th May 2004, 2:18 PM

So, answer it then!!!!

meanttolive4ever · 10th May 2004, 2:35 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by pixiegrrl28
So, answer it then!!!!

lol he hasnt called since last night...so i doubt he'll call for another week..thats just the way we are now lol

FreeMe · 10th May 2004, 3:42 PM

Wow calithin83,

You've come a long way! It's great to hear you so positive and feeling good about yourself. It seems like something clicked and made you cross that line to where you've suddenly realized the truth - that you don't need someone who treats you the way he did and it really is HIS LOSS.

You sound upbeat and I'm really happy for you!