[Soraca]

Hello to all…
Any advice on my situation would be greatly appreciated.

I have been friends with a girl for 3 years now. We were introduced by a friend but she realized I liked her and she was in a relationship. I always sensed she liked me or at least the potential was there. So I bowed out gracefully. Well, as it turns out, this guy she was dating lied and cheated on her. But after she broke up with him, she remained friends with him. I know most wouldn't do this but she did. She started dating someone else casually (while her and I weren't in contact with each other). After she dated this guy for a short while, she broke up with him. I eventually re-established contact with her but she was now being played by her original boyfriend. He was trying to "prove" himself and "earn" her back. So I was getting mixed signals the second time around because she was considering giving him a 2nd chance. So I bowed out gracefully again. She gave him a 2nd chance, only to find him lying and cheating AGAIN!

Then she reached out for me and we became closer than we had ever been. We hung out several times but she was going through all of her emotions and issues with her ex and she wanted to be honest with me and not hurt me. Below is an email she wrote to me...

"Good morning.
I just wanted to thank you for sharing that with me last night. When I got off the phone with you I called up Jen and cried to her. You have no idea how stupid I feel. I fell for the wrong guy. I gave my all to a person that didn't even appreciate it. That never wanted me. And then there is Paul. Everything you could ever want in a man. I know you are wonderful. I always knew. I just wasn't there because my heart was with someone else. Now I have to figure out how to deal this anger and hurt that I feel. No matter how much I try to explain it to you, you can't imagine the hate and disgust that I feel towards him and myself. You have to understand that I'm numb right now. Not by choice. Even feeling the way I do, I have to admit it's been difficult for me to not be affectionate with you especially when I'm around you. I just don't want to complicate things right now."

We are currently not speaking again as this is very difficult for me and she is having guilt about me getting hurt?

Any advice?

[uriel]

Let it go for now. She's not ready for a relationship. Sounds like she was in love with the guy who hurt her and needs time to heal. Don't be the shoulder to cry on / the transition guy. That's not what you want.

If she's really interested, she'll come back around to you when she's finally over the other guy. Until then, you've got to move on. You just can't know for certain that this will happen.

Glad to see that you've got a no contact rule up for now. That will prevent you from getting strung along as a comforter. Keep it up until she can offer more. She knows what you want and how you feel; let her come to you. If she does, you'll know the two of you have a chance at something.

-- uriel

[Soraca]

Hello Uriel and thank you for your advice. I do appreciate it!

I do believe you're right...as difficult as it is to stay away from her. As a matter of fact, during one of our last conversations, we were discussing our situation. She told me that she has a real problem with me being hurt. She said if it was anyone else she would be fine with it but because it's me, this is a real problem for her. She said and I quote, "I should have waited until I was over all of this and then contacted you so we can hang out."

So I hope and pray that this is her intent. Thanks again for your words.

-Soraca