[FolderWife]

All of these threads seem to be from Other Women...are no men sleeping with married women?

[johan]

I was an "other man" once. It was an emotional thing mostly. I was single and feeling really lonely and sorry for myself. She was married and pretty and had no deep love for her husband. So we hung out together, first at work, then lunches, then there were sort of dates that she set up. She liked the idea that I was interested in things that her husband would never enjoy. Initially I was really interested in her. But after a while I felt like we were both selling out. I lost respect for her after she made herself available to me sexually. I felt really low. Who am I to be messing around with someone else's relationships anyway?

Her husband knew she and I were friends and there were rumors that she and I had more than just a friendship. I have to admit it was. But I backed off, and then she did, too. He was suspicious, and that was the worst thing about it. I ignored his suspicions and everything an affair might do to him, just so I could get attention from his wife. Because I wasn't getting it from anyone else. I should have had balls enough to go get my own.

But I learned to have more respect for people's relationships, even when they don't have that respect themselves. I don't want to mess around with any married woman ever again. It would have done so much more for me if she would have shown her devotion to him by loving him and working with him on their problems. The world is so full of quitters and cheaters, and I got to be so cynical. People like her are so common I completely lost faith in love or relationships.

I'm superstitious, and now that I have someone I want to keep, I wonder if karma is going to turn the tables on me.

Hi, I know exactly where you're coming from. I was in a similar situation and its hard. Mine was an emotional affair as well. I think sometimes what happens is we see in others what we don't see in our spouses or s/o's and we want them to have the same quailties the other people have. I've been told thats human nature and nothing wrong with seeing qualities in others we wish or spouse had, but its what we do with it that matters.


When I began posting on this site, I was amazed at how many people share some of the same things I'm going through. Its so good to have others advice on things. I hope all goes well with you, and I wouldn't worry to much about the tables turning on you, I think you sound like a great person and are truly sorry for what happened. Best of luck to you.

i am the other man.

for the last year, i have been in the most beautiful relationship of my life... with a married woman. i was married when we first met, but have been seperated ever since.

i always hoped she would do the same, but she is too chicken to break her husbands heart. i understand fully, but sometimes it really hurts.

we don't live in the same cities, but our jobs are of the travelling type, and we have met up in foreign places and spent nights in hotels and b&b's, pretending we were a married couple. i see her 3 or 4 days a month on average.

it makes me sad when she talks about her future, because i'm always seen as a sideshow. i know she doesn't really want to share me with any other woman, but sometimes she tries to encourage it.

the thing is, i can't imagine starting a new relationship with another woman, it would be so superficial. i am completely in love with this woman, and being with anyone else would be a compromise.

all of my friends are always asking me about meeting girls, and trying to hook me up. they have no idea, and they never will. i am beginning to wonder if they think i am gay, but don't really care.

sometimes i feel guilty about leaving my wife, but i needed to be selfish. once i had cheated on her, i could no longer look her in the eyes. my life is better off this way, even if i wasn't in this affair.

having an affair is an emotional rollercoaster, but i think perhaps that i thrive on it. when we are together, it feels so fresh and fun, and when i am alone i can focus on my own interests and my career. it's almost ideal.

...still, i would give anything to be her husband that she is, otherwise, obliged to.