[orko69]

I met a guy 7 months ago who had been in a relationship for 13 years that he said was getting where he could not handle things. He left this guy and we ended up getting together. In that time, we moved in together and started making a life as if we were gonna be together forever. We became best friends and lovers. We were practically joined at the hip and did EVERYTHING together. THere was no other person I would rather be around...he was my favorite person - and he told me I was his. He swore to me he was over his ex, but he felt somewhat guilty for leaving them. He admitted he loved his ex but was not IN love ..and I thought that was alright because I loved exs in my past.

There are no sign and symptoms of anything going on.......we were totally happy and in what was an ideal relationship. One day, he comes home all upset and decided things were not going to work out and that we had to separate and he had some thinking to do. Said he had to work on his issues and his bad decisions he had made. 2 days later, he contacts his ex and they talk and they are now working on trying to get back together. THey have been together ever since trying to work on things. Confuses me that they are now living together SO SOON!!!!! He now says he wants to be my friend and that he still loves me and misses me...and that he never meant to hurt me. He says hes torn. He calls me and I call him. I am having separation anxiety because I am going from having a best friend around and making and giving my all to a person to having absolutely nothing. He on the other hand has his "ex" to talk to.

I feel like I have been given a raw deal....and that my legs have been cutt off.

what is going on in me??????????

[Tony T]

I do understand how you feel. Unfortunately, you were a rebound and your partner decided to see if he could make his 13 year investment in someone else pay additional dividends. Thirteen years is an incredible investment to make and it seems natural for someone to reconsider trying to get things back together.

On the other hand, this very well may not work. However, don't count on it. In my opinion, you could end up getting jerked around for a long time. You're much better healing from this and moving on. Learn something from this. Don't latch on to somebody just out of a very long relationship.

[bluechocolate]

You say he was in a relationship for 13 years. How long was he out of that relationship before he started seeing you? It sounds to me that you've been caught on the rebound. Obviously he was never finished with that previous relationship or he wouldn't be back there.

You shouldn't be confused that they are living together so soon - remember they were together for 13 years. He may say he never meant to hurt you, but that is exactly what he did. Just because someone says they didn't mean to do something doesn't absolve them of their responsibility. He should be the one feeling rotten for dragging an unsuspecting person into his life when clearly he wasn't ready for a new relationship.

If I were you I wouldn't keep talking to this guy until you feel better and are over your loss. It's only going to make it harder for you to get better and feel better about yourself. You have been given a raw deal and he dealt the hand. He should have done his thinking and worked on his issues before he put himself out there again. This is not your fault.

As for having absolutely nothing... well you still have your legs don't you?

Seriously though, as I said, he wasn't finished with his previous relationship and he shouldn't have involved anyone else until he knew what was going on. You may still be able to be friends one day, but not while you're feeling like this. Keep away from him, don't talk to him, go out with friends and keep yourself busy. Eventually you will feel better.

[orko69]

I just feel so used and all. I feel like a fool. I feel like my best friend in the world has died.....because I really dont have any close friends. I want to be his friend sooo bad and us at least be friends like we used to...but i feel it will never happen cause his ex is always gonna have doubts about trust between them 2 and doubts about us since we were once a couple. I mean, how can you love someone with all your heart and turn it off......he tells me if he could have us both he would....but that dont make sense either. I just feel like he was purely infatuated with me and convinced himself that he was in love with me because he wanted out of a bad relationship. And he jumped out of that relationship and into one with me like in one day.

Also, one other thing....he didnt tell me he had a lover when we met. He told me 2 days later.. Gave me the story that things were gone and he had to break up. I should have walked away then.....thats why i blame myself. We went through so many problems head on and worked so well together......I mean, that is why this all hurts soo much. We worked through things like I believe poeople should.......and resolve all problems. I never had someone in my life that was like that.....who unconditionally worked with me and did anything to keep me. I'm soo scared.......