the "first love" will suddenly be back in the picture :(

geminigirl

I am very relieved to read these messages! I have obsessed about my bf's ex for years. They were first loves, lost their virginity together, etc. She was a foreign exchange student from Sweden and she ended up dumping him when she returned to her country. I know he was very hurt. I first dated him 3 1/2 yrs ago. This was about 1 1/2 yrs after they had broken up- I think they had dated for a year or so. He talked about her way too much and I felt like I could never measure up. After 7 months, he dumped me. He admitted a few months later that he was still in love with her. He said that it was perfect with her, they were going to get married, and nobody could ever replace her. Unfortunately, everything he mentioned about her I remembered. I know way too much about her, and I hate it! I didn't see him for 1 1/2 yrs. Then we went to a concert with a mutual friend and we ended up getting back together then. I told him that I had many concerns. I told him that I didn't like how he talked about her so much and said that nobody could replace her. I told him that he could mention her name occasionally but please don't make me feel inferior. I told him to please love me as I am and don't try to replace me for her. He agreed and he has been pretty good about it. He asked me to please not make him throw away anything involving her, and I agreed because I still have some things from ex's too. The one thing that really bothered me though is he has a huge Swedish flag tacked to his ceiling above his bed. It is still there to this day. I asked him about it and he said that he would take it down if I wanted. He is part Swedish though so I just dropped it and left it up to him. We have been dating 2 yrs this time. We've had ups and downs, but the relationship has been pretty good. I love him very much and he says that he loves me. Another suspicious thing is that he used to talk about marriage but now he says that he never wants to get married. He also said that marriage was only a reality with the dreaded ex. I am very hurt that he would probably marry the ex if he was still with her, but he doesn't want to marry me. He says that it's not me, but I know that he would marry her. I don't obsess about her that much anymore, but suddenly she will be back in the picture. She is coming back to visit her old host family this summer and she will be meeting up with my bf. We talked about it briefly, and he said that there are a lot of things he would do for that girl. However, he has realized what is truth and what is imaginary. He said that I am truth. He said that if he ever bet on her to love him, it would only lead to disappointment. He said that he knows that I love him. What do you all make of that??? On one hand, I can understand if he wants to see how she is doing. If one of my ex's came to my city, I would probably like to meet up with him and see how he was. On the other hand, I am very nervous that something will happen. I really hope they don't go to a bar or something, because then I get really nervous thinking about what could happen. I would trust him with anyone else, but this one makes me nervous!!! I want to trust.... but I can't stop thinking about it. I will be in a tizzy for the next few months. I'm afraid that when he sees her his old feelings will come back. I don't want to be compared to her. I want him to love me more than he loved her. Should I just let it go or do I press him about meeting up with her? I'm worried that if he does (worst case) cheat with her that he won't tell me and I'll never know. He also said that he doesn't want me to meet her when she comes because it would be too weird for him. I wonder if he's even told her about me? Either way, I can't stop thinking about it!!!!! I need advice! Thank you.