[j_nelson]

Okay...here's the deal

I had been in a relationship with an amazing girl for nearly 5 years. She is a year younger than me. After our third year together I moved 1500km away for University. We decided to stay together and try the long distance thing. Despite some rough times, it worked out for the most part. This year she moved away to school too. We were still 1500km apart.

This year was much tougher. It started out great but things got progressively worse. We started arguing a lot on the phone and we didn't communicate like we should have in order to stay together. I think we went nearly a month without talking to each other on the phone. To be honest, most of the fights and arguments were completely aviodable and were caused by me. I didn't trust her as much as I should have and I believe I took her for granted. After another month or so of this behavior she decided that she was constantly unhappy from all of the fighting and told me things aren't working out. At the time I thought she was right and agreed to break up. We went the last month or so of school without really talking (except the odd MSN conversation).

Now I want her back. I realized what an idiot I was and how special she really is. I know I can make her happy (since we had 3 years together which were the best years of my life) and I need another chance to show her that. I will do anything in the world to get her back and treat her the way she deserves to be treated - all the time.

Now though she is moving away for the summer. She'll be living 2 hours away from here with her Dad (she moved because her and her mom do not get along well). She was in town this weekend to get some things for the summer...she called and we hung out a couple times..She has told me she still loves me but that doesn't really help at this point. I tried to kiss her but she told me it would be too hard and she would miss me more if anything like that happened.

As I mentioned, she still has feelings for me...she's told me that she still loves me and called me to hang out together...she even tells me to call her if I want....

I want to be back with her but being friends might be too hard...I don't know what to do. Is it better to try and be friends and prove to her that I can treat her well and see what happens or should I try and minimize the contact with her and wait for her to come back (if she does...)

I really need a chance to show her that I can make her happy again. I have thought about everything and I know she is what I want. It sucks being apart for each other during the school year and now the summer too, but I could accept and deal with that if we were together. What should I do? What is SHE thinking?

[uriel]

I think she's already told you what she's thinking. She loves you and understands you love her back, but the long distance relationship isn't working out.

It's not going to. The stresses involved -- lack of physical intimacy between you two, possibility of other people / attractions, lack of daily lived experiences -- are going to create emotional friction and distance again. Can't be helped.

If you want to marry this girl -- if that's in the cards -- you need to go to her school or she needs to come to yours. You two sound pretty young, though. That's a big commitment.

I won't say that if you are meant to be together you will be. Life experiences have a way of shaping events and changing people. Truth is, the longer you are apart physically, the more likely you each are to move on. That might be okay, given your ages. Although this will hurt, it's likely that both of you need further life experiences with other people and just with yourself to develop.

Sorry. This is a case of very bad timing.

-- uriel

[j_nelson]

Maybe you're right and I don't want to accept it....but isn't the "lack of physical intimacy between you two, possibility of other people / attractions, lack of daily lived experiences " something that everyone who is in a long-distance relationship goes through? It doesn't mean that every LDR doesn't work...

I would marry this girl too....maybe going to her school would be an option in the future...

[uriel]

Yes, these are things everyone in long-distance relationships go through. But, these usually don't work. They work even less often between younger people. The lack of maturity you showed in your behavior toward your girl (no insult -- just a developmental thing) shows that the added stress of youth is there. If you don't move to be with her next year, with her consent of course, I doubt there's any future here. Bad timing; too much distance.

-- uriel

[tom_gbr]

i was in the same postion as you mate...my ex lived 2 hours away and we are also still young..i am 20 and she is 16.

at the end of the day i have understood why she finished it...because of how old she is and the fact that there a lot of things going on in her life and she doesnt really need the added stress of a boyfriend.....we never had time for each other.

i sort of agree with the thing that long distance doesnt work...it was ok for the first couple of months as it was really exciting....looking forward to the weekend so we could see each other. she got a weekend job though around 3 months ago so i could only see her friday nights. we broke up at the end of february.

i have taken in that we are over....and that she is moving on and im really trying but its so hard. she text me last weekend as she found out that i went to the coast to stay with the girl i know....i think she was jealous. hope is coming back now because of her texting me...she must still care for me.

i dont know what i want anymore.....im not sure if im still in love with her or not...i know i can meet someone who can love me as much..and even more than she did but i just want her.

its been just over two months now since we have been broken up and im still hurting...i really miss her

[meanttolive4ever]

the hurt will go away with time