Thanks for reading my post.

I feel very lonely. I am married, we have a 1.5 yr. old baby, he's working 6 days a week and in the 7th one he will do nothing but drinking beer, watching sports and nap. and I am saying what about us?
I can't drive nor have a car all week. I am at home with our baby and I am with the baby 24/7 he's not really giving me any time for myself.
I know he's working for us, I know he's not playing. But I can't help it feeling hurt when even when he's home I can't get some attention from him.

What can I do?

Thanks in advance,
Rachel.

[FolderWife]

Honey, I understand where you're coming from. However, I also know exactly where he's coming from too. He works hard all week, so when he gets some time off, he just wants to relax.

My mom is in your position. My dad works hard, while she stays home all day. When he finally comes home, she wants his attention, but he can't exactly give it, because he's tired, and he just needs some time alone to relax. When I first got married, my husband worked and I didn't. I got lonely too. When I got a job though, that changed. Now when I get home in the evenings, I don't want to sit and converse with my husband, or watch a movie with him, or play cards etc., I want to get something to eat, go into another room, close the door, turn on the TV, and drown out the world for a couple of hours. When I've finally had some time to myself, I will emerge and hang out with him. On his days off, however, he has a hard time giving me the space I need, because he's been alone all day, and wants my attention. However, I am not in the mood to give it.

It is MORE than normal to want time to yourself when you get home, and no amount of nagging or counselling will change the desire to be by onesself when you finally get home from a long days work. No matter what kind of job you have.

I understand as a wife who is bored at home all day, you want his attention when he is home with you. However, as a husband who's tired, he doesn't need you nagging for his time.

Really, the only remedy for this situation that I can see, would be for you to get a job. That takes a lot of the desire to be around your spouse all the time.

It may feel like you miss your husband, but I know from experience that it's probably more you are bored. If you had a job, you'd be amazed at how less you desire his attention all the time.

It's not that he's a bad husband and father, it's just he needs some time alone. I understand that you have nothing BUT time alone, so you need some time with someone.

I really can't offer any advice: the only thing I can offer, is a valid explaination to how each of you is feeling.

[bluechocolate]

Never been in your situation myself (!) but my sister-in-law was. I guess if you live in an isolated place this can't really work for you - but you need to get out of the house to a place where you can associate with some adults AND bring the baby along. My sister-in-law volunteered at a local church within walking distance of their house - they had a creche so there were other mothers there with babies and toddlers and she came to really value that time and eventually she got a job at the school associated with the church. There are plenty of mothers in your situation and I'm sure with a little looking around you could find some kind of group in your area that meets regularily ( coffee mornings, that sort of thing ). You may also discover that someone would be willing to pick you and the baby up if the distances are too great for walking or public transport.

You should also consider getting a drivers license, even if you don't have the car all day I still think it's a skill that will come in very handy.

Because I am NOT a US citizen/permanent resident yet, it's been filed and we are waiting for it to be done. Plus I am working with my husband, I am getting all of the business phone calls to my house and schedule all the jobs do the billing etc. so I can't even leave the house between 9-5 so that's the situation. plus as I said already I have a toddler, who is a handfull (they all are at this age)
R.

[brashgal]

So you need to get someone to come to you to keep you company. Any neighbors? Do you go to church? Maybe you'll find someone there...

[nikkilove]

get a gym membership where they have babysitting and utilize that.......hopefully that will make you feel better

Some on the advice on here is the most ridiculous I've ever heard.
Everyone deserves respect, love, and attention. If you are with someone who can't/does not want to give it to you - than either seek counseling or leave him. You are too young to start this way. And take it from me, I went through the pain and loneliness for almost 16 years!! I just admitted to myself that mine is an alcoholic. Think about it...