[trazcure]

i,

So my name is Wade and this is the first post I have made here.

This is going to be long so please bear with me but I sorely need
some advice/counsel.

It's been a long time since I've had a girlfriend, approximately
eight years or so. Since then I have suffered from anxiety and
depression, particularly strong in the past five years. So in
January I finally got the courage to get professional assistance
via the school counselor. Ever since then I have made great progress,
I have overcome a lot of my shyness issues. In late January I was
set up on a blind double date with my best friend from school.

The date went moderately well but I was extremely shy. But the one
I was set up with was an extremely beautiful girl so I felt incredibly
intimidated.

After the date she mentioned to my friend that I was cute and she thought
since I didn't have much to say that I thought she was weird. My friend
told her I thought she was beautiful. Then about a week and a half later
both of us finally talked on the phone and it went smooth.

I finally had the courage to ask her out on a date and she said yes.

Nonetheless things have been going well. I finally got my first kiss
in a good eight plus years with this girl. We seemed to have hit it off
so incredibly well I didn't think anything could stop us...

until...

fast forward to a week and a half ago. I had a prank call the preceding Friday
night by one of my so-called 'friends,' saying I was messing with his girl.
Naturally my panic button set off and the first person i called was the girl
asking her if she knew anything about it. After the prank the girl and I
talked about it and she seemed okay and normal. Move to Sunday night.

I could FEEL something was changed. I couldn't point my finger on it but something
was different. I didn't know if it was for the positive or the negative at the time
but I could most definitely feel it. We talked very short on the phone throughout
the week and she made mention that she was going to get drunk at a bar Thursday night
due to stress from school.

Move to Wednesday.

I wanted to make sure that everything was okay regarding to prank call so I met up
with her before her class and she said she totally forgotten about it. But again,
I could FEEL something was changed.

Move to Thursday.

She told me the preceding night to call her about 8. I call her around 7:45-ish
and her sister answers the phone. Says my gf would call me back. She didn't.
I call her phone at 9:30, one ring, hang up because I decided I didn't want to
be a worrywort. She calls me back, phone call is quick because her phone messes up
as she is on the way to the bar.

Friday...

I call her phone at 2pm as she is going to optomitrist. She says she will call me
back. We had it arranged that she would meet my Mother for the first time Saturday
by the way. Anyway, she says she will call me back after her eye doctor appointment.
5pm rolls around, I get worried, I text message her asking if everything is okay.

The reply:

"Wade, I honestly don't know if we will work out. I want to be fair to you. We are
just so different about things. You will end up hating me."

Shock. Disbelief. I didn't feel we were different at all. The only differences I could
list were she drank, I didn't. She's not a virgin, I am. She likes Chocolate Mint
ice cream, I like Vanilla. That's IT. We agree and like exactly the same stuff.

I reply asking her to talk to me, think it through. She declined.

After more of the same "I think we are wrong for each other" talk she asks if she could
call, I decline stating I need alone time.

Roll to Saturday.

I send her a huge series of text messages asking why does she feel this way, etc etc

She said she had no explanation just felt we were wrong for each other, that I was
a 'great person' (cushion statement), that she was so sorry.

I told her that in order for me to move on I need to forget about her. We haven't talked
since. And no, I haven't forgotten about her.

In reality I feel like she was the first quasi-serious relationship (i use quasi because
we never made it official) I've been in.

I'm devistated. It's been a week and a half and I'm still devistated. On the bright side,
I have the support of a lot of my friends and all of my family is now aware of my problems.
They have decided to have me see a psychiatrist tomorrow. Right now I am in the worst
depression I have ever felt in my life, I feel like crying a lot. I loved this girl
so much and for her to suddenly throw it all away just destroys me. I have enacted
the 'no contact rule' as stated above. She always complimented me on how sweet I am
and how I was the sweetest boy she's ever been with and the cutest boy in the world.
And then this, sudden freight train breakup. Ironically enough, this is EXACTLY
how she was dumped in her previous relationship.

So... yea I'm heartbroken. Totally. I loved this girl so much.

I just... ugh... you know.

I'm without a doubt in the worst state of sadness and depression that I have ever been in.

So now to the questions.

Am I doing the right thing? Does it make me a bad person by not contacting her?
Does it make me a bad person to not be her friend because it hurts too much?

I've always been so selfless with people, I just have to do something for me now..

Thank you all very much

[sportsloving]

I am so sorry this has happened to you.

No, having no contact does not make you a bad person. It only means that it is painful for you to talk to her (which it apparently would very much be). You have to deal with the awful breakup news any way that you see fit, and if not talking to her or being her "friend" is the way it is, so be it.

It would be purely selfish of her if she expected that you just be ok to be friends when you obviously care very deeply for her. Take as long as you need, keep up with your therapy and know that somewhere out there, there is a woman who will love you for you.

I wish you lots of luck and happiness~