[Texan27]

Ok, so I'm almost 20 and I'm going to be a junior in college halfway across the country from home. This summer my Dad is going to be working in NY close to LaGuardia airport. I want to be able to go and stay with him for a month. Since its close to where my boyfriend lives, I would be able to spend the days with him and then meet my dad after work. The problem is that my 21 year old brother died in September so both my parents are really scared about my safety. I grew up in a city and I'm also going to school in a city so avoiding sketchy surroundings isn't something new to me. I would be with my boyfriend all day and with my dad all night so the only time I would be alone would be mid-morning in the hotel. I understand their fears but I also know that this is a very rare opportunity. I've never been close to my dad and since my brother's death I feel a need to build that relationship. I've never been to New York and I especially would love to see it with my boyfriend. I need advice on how to help my parents see where I'm coming from but that I also understand their fears.

My second problem is with my dad. He doesn't trust my boyfriend like most dad's but the thing is my boyfriend is more like a brother. In the sense that he's protective, and genuinly cares. Our relationship is based on the fact that he can be protective in that older brother way and tease like older brothers do. My dad doesn't know that we're having sex and I haven't told him that I'm madly in love. He knows how important my boyfriend is to me but he doesn't know how much. I don't want to tell him and hurt him since I know how much he thinks of me as an innocent princess. They way my dad comes across is that he thinks my boyfriend will put me in harms way when he won't even let me walk to the subway/bus alone after dark. I need advice (preferably from a dad) on how to help my dad understand that I'm in a very adult relationship and that I'm not 15 anymore. I'm trying to communicate with him that Matt and I have talked about the possibility of being right for eachother but I don't want to tell my dad that. I just want my Dad to know that my boyfriend cares for me just as he did for my mom when they were in a serious relationship before marriage. How do I let my dad know that I'm not just his princess anymore???

Thx, Texas
&

[Sundaymorning]

Never been to new york? Yeah, its a scary city for someone our age. I wouldnt dare walk around alone in that city, from pure fear. But it is great when you are with people to see it with. I dunno, it takes time for your parents to relax, just give it time.

[spencer]

How awful that you lost your brother. let me say how sorry i am you and your family have go go through this tragedy.

your parents are afraid something could happen to you.
they feel that if they lost you too they might never recover. part of their grief will be holding on even tighter to you.

this is a normal adjustment given they just lost their son.

also it wonderful that you wish to bond with dad, new york is a really cool place, and very safe.
i live about 60 miles outside the city.


to dad, you will always be 6 years old. even when your adult he still feels like your his little girl. thats ok, he will accept that you are grown up and need to live your own life.

when you get to stay with dad, ask him what he was doing at your age. help him connect to the time in his life when he was your age, that might help him see you a little more mature anyway.

take care

[average guy]

NY can be a very scary place. Once I crossed the street at a zebra crossing (so I had the legal right of way), but this taxi driver glared at me (for honsetly abosultely no other reason than he had to stop to let me cross - as did lots of other cars - but I did NOTHING to justify his actions, I didn't even look at him for more than a second) and when I got onto the sidewalk he drove up onto it and chased me down the sidewalk (I truly had to run as there were no doorways to duck into)

So anyway, take your parents advice and heed their warnings, they are older and wiser than you think

Good luck ... and have fun, I do love NY!

[moimeme]

I was scared to bits of NYC - until I went. I LOVED the place. I'd go back again - even alone. Like anyplace, you just have to know what places are unsafe when.

[average guy]

It is a great city. I was an insomniac when I was there (the hot summer nights didn't help! but I was amzed that I cold do ANYTHING at 4 am in the moring - have chinese food, go to a movie, shopping, people watch - it's true the city NEVER sleeps!!!

Have fun