In Search Of...Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.
now that my mind and heart are clearing and the ex & the ex-fwb are fading far into the background, i'm facing a time where i'll be single for a while. i will be moving around, lots of changes will happen, and i feel like this is a great time to get comfortable with being single and not-seeking. certainly i won't push away people, but i'm planning to just go about my life without paying much attention to whether or not i'm seeing anyone.
i don't remember ever being happily single, sadly. i've always gone straight from getting over someone to being all into someone new (not necessarily bf to bf, just emotional attachment to emotional attachment). time to take a clear break and learn to be content on my own.
Keep your self busy, and treat yourself to a lot of things (movies, dinner out, flowers, etc.) to keep your spirits up. I can guarentee you that it's a catch 22 situation though: as soon as you feel happy being single, you'll meet someone! It ALWAYS works that way for me - and as soon as I fall in love with someone, lots of people want to 'get to know' me. It's a strange, strange world...but it's a beautiful one!
When I was single I travelled a lot overseas, moved jobs and focussed on my own career quite a bit, I dated different people, without getting serious, i started meditation and a serious interest in my own spirituality. I luxuriated in being able to do what I wanted, when I wanted, and enjoyed baths with candles, read lots of books etc. I planned my life out, according to noone but me (well basically, you know what I mean).
I even went to the movies by myself and sat there enjoying off beat arthouse films, with my own popcorn! Sometimes onweekends I'd take a drive to somewhere nice and have a picnic and read a book by myself!
I'm good at being alone though...I was used to it, being an only child and so on.
I did get quite introspective though! But it was a good time of self discovery and doing and achieving things just for me.
Now I compromise and sacrifice, and also receive the many many joys of being part of a couple. But that single time was needed for me, for sure. Enjoy it...make the most of all the upsides to being single.
cool, that sounded encouraging! thanks for the suggestions.
i'm also an only-child, thinkalot, and i'm also very used to being alone. i'm not, however, used to not being emotionally invested in anybody - this will be the new part.
averageguy, i don't mind meeting someone once i achieve being truly happily single. i just want to have the confidence that i'm fine on my own - it will make me more secure about r/s's, too.
Take your time. I remember after leaving my country - my boyfriend stayed home -I was soo not used to being alone. I founded so strange to actually have spare time and just be alone with myself. Discovering myself...God, was I afraid of that. This was exactly the reason why I felt I had to leave. And all alone in a strage country, believe me, you are alone for sometimes a long long time.
And as I had no choice I said to myself I'd better enjoy the ride. So you see, you are not the only one to find the experience unusual. I took advantage of not knowing Paris and took "myself" to long walks, had long "talks" and... well, I am not uninteresting I am not only talking about doing the "girl" things, like have lots of pizzas, red wine, 5 galfriends and tones of Brad Pitt movies. Sounds silly but I do believe people spend very very little time with themselves. You learn a lot about your mistakes, your choices, your friends...
Anyway, to make a long story short, learning to be alone was and still is my adventure. I love it,I hope you'll grow to enjoy it too.
It's EXACTLY what I need to be out of a relationship for a while, reading your posts it hit me how much I love being alone yet don't make enough time for myself!
We condition ourselves that if we're not in a relationship something's wrong- when often it's because something's wrong we're in a relationship that is unsatisfactory & too much compromise.
I decided that I would not miss anything I really wanted to do if it happened that I couldn't be accompanied. I was supposed to go to Europe the first time with a couple of friends. Both wound up financially unable to do it so I went alone - and had a blast!
I wanted to be comfortable eating out alone, going to events (concerts, movies, etc.) alone and generally to not be fearful or feel strange on my own. I, too, am an only child so did have to get used to amusing myself but I wanted to feel perfectly comfortable on the planet when circumstances dictated that I be solo - and I am In the last couple of years, I've also travelled alone to various places and it turned out to be absolutely delightful. I'm not against having company and enjoy that very much as well; it's just that when it's not possible to have, I can still enjoy myself.
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I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness that I can show to my fellow creatures, let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.
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But it was a good time of self discovery and doing and achieving things just for me.
I am not only talking about doing the "girl" things, like have lots of pizzas, red wine, 5 galfriends and tones of Brad Pitt movies. Sounds silly but I do believe people spend very very little time with themselves. You learn a lot about your mistakes, your choices, your friends...
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