His arrogance is out of control!

SweetVixen07 · 24th April 2004, 1:11 AM

Well I met this guy or should I say he introduced himself to me. I'm really interested in him and he is also interested me. Well this week we've been trying to get to know each other by our conversation whenever we have time to talk on the phone or at school in the morning just before he leaves to catch the bus to the career center. We have hit it off pretty to well and we have a lot of the same interests and aspirations which shocks me to death. He is polite and rather popular guy, who hangs out with the same group of friends that I hang out with.

But the only thing that I am particularly concerned about is that he is that he can be very arrogant and it kinda makes me feel a little uncomfortable. He's aware that he is this way b/c I asked him about it and he said he is trying to work on it. He is really arrogant about how he's a good track runner, does well in school and now the fact that he says he now has a beautiful girl (me) on his arm makes his head get even bigger than it is already. His arrogance could possibly hender our relationship that will probably become romantic.

I was on the phone with him earlier today and I was talking about if we ever went out/hook up...and he corrected me and said when we go out/hook up. It took me by surprise and I was sorta speechless b/c I couldn't believe that he had the audacity to say that. I mean I can't guarantee anything. I just want to know how I can correct this behavior before it gets out of hand b/c I really like him and I want things to work out but he must humble himself a little before I will ever date him. Thanks

reasontosigh · 24th April 2004, 1:18 AM

Quote:

I was on the phone with him earlier today and I was talking about if we ever went out/hook up...and he corrected me and said when we go out/hook up.

If you think he's bad now, he's going to get worse later. That quote tells me he's controlling. Big red flag in my book.

Quote:

....we have a lot of the same interests and aspirations which shocks me to death. He is polite and rather popular guy....

Guys like that can indeed be quite popular. They know just what to say, and to whom.

Frankly, I'd steer clear of him - save yourself the inevitable grief.

BlueHeavens · 24th April 2004, 1:27 AM

Hey...

I tend to agree with Reasontosigh...and I suppose that the same thing that makes him attractive to you now (his confidence and succuess) may be the same thing that makes you want to RUN AWAY in the future...just something to consider. :-)

SweetVixen07 · 24th April 2004, 1:34 AM

what blows my mind is that I am older than he is...but that really doesn't matter. I mean I am pretty assertive and I am usually the one in so much control with relationships. But the thing is that I have been looking for someone like him but its almost scary that I found someone that I thought was ideal to me...its just I want to bring it up again b/c he did say he was aware of this problem and IS trying to correct this issue...I mean I will consider what you said but I am still debating.

sportsloving · 24th April 2004, 1:55 AM

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I just want to know how I can correct this behavior before it gets out of hand b/c I really like him and I want things to work out but he must humble himself a little before I will ever date him

There isn't anything YOU can do to change it, only he can. And if he is working on it seriously, perhaps he can overcome it or tone it down... but more than likely it will still come back time and time again.

I wish you lots of luck with whatever you choose~

reasontosigh · 24th April 2004, 2:07 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by sportsloving

There isn't anything YOU can do to change it, only he can. And if he is working on it seriously, perhaps he can overcome it or tone it down... but more than likely it will still come back time and time again.

I'm inclined to agree.

Of course only he can change - and just as quoted, he may be able to tone it down. But unless he gets to the heart of the matter as to why he's like that in the first place it will very likely resurface.

In other people like that the only thing I've seen so far that even gets them thinking about it is a truly humbling life experience. It's not really something you want to go wishing on somebody, though.

From what I can gather here, it sounds like he's still rather young. Perhaps he will gain in maturity as he is exposed to more of the real world.

capitald · 24th April 2004, 4:19 AM

I think that perhaps women like a man that takes control of the situation and says how it is going to be sometimes. Its exciting for them. It is not such a logical/rational thing. Maybe she sees him as strong for being able to command her and it turns her on.

sportsloving · 24th April 2004, 8:38 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by capitald
I think that perhaps women like a man that takes control of the situation and says how it is going to be sometimes. Its exciting for them. It is not such a logical/rational thing. Maybe she sees him as strong for being able to command her and it turns her on.

There are times when it would be quite right for a man to take control of a situation, such as a house is on fire... but IMO relationships rarely work well if one person is saying how it's going to be, and the other is suppose to "follow" along.

As for the command and turn on, I think that exists in your world Capitald. Not in mine

BlockHead · 24th April 2004, 10:36 AM

Quote:

SweetVixen07
I was on the phone with him earlier today and I was talking about if we ever went out/hook up...and he corrected me and said when we go out/hook up.

I just want to know how I can correct this behavior before it gets out of hand b/c I really like him and I want things to work out but he must humble himself a little before I will ever date him.

So there are two people who like to correct each other, and both are filled with pride. Hopefully they will make some positive changes after seeing that in each other and in themselves.

capitald · 24th April 2004, 12:03 PM

Thats an attack sportsloving, I was only theorizing, I never said I was going to do something. Anyway, I do think that at a crucial point in the courtship the female wants to see if the male is "breeding material", that he has the power to get people to do what he wants them to, that he can he can command and conquer (so to speak) in the world. I think this is not such a mental thing. Many and I think most women occassionally want to see if the man can be the boss or dominate them and this really turns them on. I know you would like to think that all modern people are so progressive and our behavior has changed so much over the years, but there is some truth in saying that "human nature does not change".

sportsloving · 24th April 2004, 12:52 PM

My response was not meant as an attack, you said you "think" so I replied with what I think. The theory that you came about with is not one that would have entered my mind in any shape or form. It is also why I said IMO (in my opinion). I apologize if you feel I attacked you, I was "disagreeing" with your theory of women "seeing men being dominate as being a turn on".

Quote:

I know you would like to think that all modern people are so progressive and our behavior has changed so much over the years, but there is some truth in saying that "human nature does not change".

I would hope that we as people, continually get more progressive, and live in a world where a man doesn't have to feel dominate over a woman to be able to feel like a man.

24th April 2004, 12:58 PM

It's not good to embark on a relationship with someone you know from the *very start*, you want to change..or want them to change.

You should never go into a relationship with someone with thoughts of wanting to change them or for them to change. If you can't accept them fully for who they are, warts and all, then keep on looking.

You (speaking in general here) will never be happy and fulfilled, being with someone who has habits and behaviors that bother you right from the start. They are likely the way they are because they've been that way all their life. *IF* they do recognize a need to change, it's not going to happen overnight. And even if they DO recognize an area of themself or their personality that they need to work on (in his case, his apparent arrogance), it doesn't mean they're truly sincere about changing, and it surely doesn't mean they WILL be able to change.

Often times, people who come across as cocky and arrogant, deep down really are just very insecure and unsure of themselves. Believe it or not, they try to mask that by going to the other extreme: the extreme of being cocky and arrogant. It's a cover-up for a lot of them. Some of the most "popular" people out there..the ones with all the friends, deep inside they are the most insecure.

I'm not sure I'd take his comment about "when" you 2 get together (versus your belief if "IF" you get together) to necessarily be about arrogance. It could just be his way of letting you know how much he wants to be with you. Of course you can't be blamed if talk like that DOES make you feel pressured or uncomfortable, that's totally within your right.

What should matter most is: How does he treat you? how does he treat other people? Is he a good person? Does he treat people with respect? Does he talk about his friends and other people in a respectful way, or does he cut them down and talk like he's superior to a lot of people? Does he make fun of people who aren't as accomplished or successful in the things that he excels at?

Maybe he's been told in the past, by past girlfriends, that he wasn't "confident enough" and that turned them off. So, he's trying to compensate and in doing so, he's overdoing it. He believes that women only like confident men, and instead, he's coming across as thinking he's superior, appearing cocky and arrogant and conceited and too sure of himself.

But the bottom line is to not invest more time on him if you can tell yourself right now that you'll never be truly happy with him "unless he changes." If you can't accept him as he is now, then move onto someone else.

bluechocolate · 24th April 2004, 1:11 PM

Sounds to me that he's the kind of guy who likes to "win and conquer" and I wouldn't be at all surprised to learn that if you do go out with him he turns around and dumps you to move on to the next conquest.

capitald · 24th April 2004, 4:41 PM

sportsloving said:
"and live in a world where a man doesn't have to feel dominate over a woman to be able to feel like a man."

I don't think its so much that the male wants to feel like he is dominating or even so much wants to do it, it is part of natural, semi-programmed, ritual mating behavior. In other words, its part of a game that is played by both women and men alike. I don't necessarily say that things can't, won't or don't change, I just see things as they are right now. Anyway, you should know all of this, you are a sports lover right?

P.S. there are also points in the game where things reverse and the female becomes the dominant player for a period of time. All and all, I don't see that the game is going to change because for one it is mentally pleasing.