I was just wondering because this is something that I think about from time to time. It seems like guys have a difficult role to play, they need to be tough but not too tough, and nice but not too nice. Do any of the ladies on this sight have any insight?
People are too nice when you never know what they are really feeling inside.
That is when too nice is too nice. When that bubbly, nicey nicey facade make you start wondering. People are supposed to be complex creatures, not energizer bunnies with a consistent little smile.
It's true: your role in life is confusing. A man who is sensitive to a woman's needs is good, but living with your parents in your 30s is either too nice or just plain weird, boring is always bad, and able to handle all sorts of social situations with colleagues, friends and families is amazing.
I agree with the previous post... if someone is so nice that I can't get a read on who the person is because they are always so bubbly, then I can't seem to trust them. Excessive happiness is always strange.
Tough but not too tough? Standing up for what you believe and the integrity of people is a good thing while getting into random fights (verbal) with people is silly. Arguments that can stay objective are one of the great parts of life. Physical violence is almost always complete silliness.
The crux of the matter is this - men and women should have the character to be themselves and not allow themselves to be squashed into a gender role in the first place.
It's not the quantity of your niceness, but the way you present it. True kindness will never upset a woman, but the bitter 'nice guy' who runs around complaining about how nice guys finish last, will indeed get no kitty.
In my experience, "too nice" usually refers to someone who is too intense for the situation…
This type of "too nice" can be tempered by avoiding overwhelming the other party….
If you think you like someone, it's fine to send flowers, but spending a mint on covering an office in flowery foliage would be excessive and show poor judgment (or ulterior motives) - AKA "too nice".
If you like someone, it's fine to call them on the phone, but calling them six times a day just to say "hi" is a little excessive - AKA "too nice".
If you think you've met the girl of your dreams, it's fine to start thinking about spending the rest of your life together, but presenting an engagement ring without knowing the other party well is probably poor judgment. - AKA "too nice"
**************
When you are in a new relationship the other person can look perfect, but that is because you don't really know them yet. No one is perfect…
If someone keeps telling you that they like you and things are wonderful since they've met you, it's normal. If it doesn't fade after a while, it's a problem. The "too nice" person sometimes shows little interest in real sharing of emotions (which include frustration, anger, etc).
********************
The best bet (if this is the type of "too nice" you're talking about) is probably to run your thoughts and feelings past other friends (or post to strangers)….
Talking something through and really thinking before you act usually won't lead you astray….
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
Linear Mode
