[Sweetluvmel]

I went on this "date" with Ben and had a good time. The thing was he took me to a movie with his roomates and his friends and his friends girl.. it was fun but a bit awkward too. They all seem really cool and all but I thought a date would be just me and him? He did pay for me though..

Before the movie started we talked and asked each other questions about family, college, fave meals and movies, hobbies.. etc. Afterwards he walked me to the door, (his friends in his SUV), said we should do this again sometime and gave me a quick kiss on the lips which was nice.

He calls me the next day to let me know that he had a good time and asked what I was up to tonight. I told him that I was goin to the bars with my roomies and he said that he was too tired to go out but he will either call me or I'll call him this week so we can get together again this coming weekend. He just wanted to call to say hi and chat.

I'm kind of new to the dating scene but isn't it common for just the guy and girl to go on a date? It seems like he wants to hang out with his friends and me at the same time. He also invited me to his apt across campus for a barbeque with his friends and I could bring mine if I wanted to.

So are we dating? Or just hanging out? Or what? Since he called me to just chat should I call him in the middle of the week to chat so it seems that I'm interested? Or let him do all the pursuing?

If you lived in the UK, this guy's behaviour would be seen as absolutely normal. Even a bit full on, given that he paid for you and called you the next day! Most people I know get invited along to group outings at first to take the pressure off one-on-one situations. Americans seem to have a very formal dating structure; I am yet to visit a country outside the US that can even say the word 'date' without cringing in embarresment. I guess my point is that you should relax a bit and concentrate on getting to know him as a friend first. Seeing him with his friends and meeting his friends is a great way to suss out who he is as a person - and make new buddies! You will have ages to get 'private' with him, when you're both more sure of each other.

Try to have fun with whatever you do with him, and not cloud your mind with expectations about the future or how you should categorise your relationship. At the moment you are just 'hanging out' or getting to know one another, and this is great. Don't rush things, he will run away if you start pushing him to devote all his attention to you. People in my part of the globe don't start to 'date' or become 'exclusive' well into the first few months of meeting.

It's up to you whether you call or not but if you have the self control honey, I would let him do the chasing. No point in letting him know that you are into him so early in the game, especially when you pretty much know that he will contact you anyway. Good luck, let me know how it goes...