Divorce Survival - How do I get thru this painful stage?

ValeriaM

My last post was about me going thru the process of divorce. Where I'm at now is I think the most painful part - realizing it's really over.

Filing for divorce wasn't hard - it's the gut wrenching pain of ending this that is making me lose sleep and not be able to eat. I have to go thru the 60 day waiting period before I can appear in court.

My husband wasted no time contacting old relationships (women) and doing other things to intentionally hurt me. I've tried to keep things civil and I'd never do anything mean to him just to hurt him. He's shown no emotion during all of this and although claims to still love me and miss me he then tells me what a horrible person I've been.

I was faithful, honest, kind, caring and good to him. I never did anything to him - he lied to me, was verbally and mentally abusive and intent on always trying to make me jealous. I couldn't take being treated like this.

All I wanted was to be loved and treated well - he had to insult me to feel power and control over me. He was the type that would knock me down then laugh at me and call my crazy for thinking he meant anything by it. I know it was mental and verbal abuse but then he'd profess his undying love for me.

Mind games & manipulation - yet I loved him. I have to leave him but I am just feeling so insecure and devistated by this. He broke my self esteem down and I'm just trying to climb my way back up.

I'm just hurting so much from this and feel like a failure. He's made me feel like I'm crazy or leaving him and I "lost out" because he is just so great. What's hard to watch is how quickly he's called up the women who were previously in his life and how quickly they've come running back to him. (He says they've called him up but I know better).

He's told everyone he knows (family, neighbors, friends) that I am this lunatic who couldn't appreciate all he's done for me and how I have issues and problems.

I was a very independent, intelligent and successful single mother before I met him - now I feel like a fool.

HELP - I know I'm doing the right thing by getting out of this abusive situation but it is so hard. He's made me feel worthless.

Any kind words of advice out there?