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Truth or cop-out - when he says he's not interested because he's scared?

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Old 13th April 2004, 8:48 PM   #1
De Rossi
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Question truth or cop-out

If a guy tells you he is interested in you but is just scared of getting hurt and hurting you, Is that just another way of saying," I'm really not interested in a relationship with you"??????? It seems like a cop-out to me.
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Old 14th April 2004, 12:44 AM   #2
hurtingandconfused
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He's saying I might be interested, but I don't want to try it because I might like you and I do not want to get hurt by you later on. However, if I try you and I don't like you then you might get hurt.
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Old 14th April 2004, 1:18 AM   #3
JustHot
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It could mean he's not interested in you enough to risk the hurt of either one of you and doesn't want to play games or use you. If you've been friends for a while, this is even more possible. Some guys like girls as friends, even though there may be a slight attraction or curiosity, but if they're good guys, they won't want to pursue a relationship if they're not serious about it. It's not personal, but if he's not blown away by you, he may just not want to feel tied down in a relationship with you or risk hurting someone he actually "likes" as a person.

If you haven't known each other that long, you're probably not his type. Guys who say they're afraid of getting hurt usually go for it anyway. That's just a way of leaving the back door open when they want out, almost like a warning. Healthy relationships don't usually start with precursors like that.
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Old 15th April 2004, 12:52 PM   #4
De Rossi
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Thanks for the good words of advise! This guy has been all to confusing since I met him. I thought about explaining the whole story but its a long one and I'm starting to not care about the details in the past that made me believe that something might be there between us. I've come to the conclusion that he must not be that interested or just a coward if he can't take a chance because of getting hurt.

I know I was just inflating his ego by telling him how I felt but it was something I had to get off my chest. We have messed around twice in the past and he went from hot to cold so fast that I know that he'll start liking me now since i'm starting to loose interest after 7 months. We have all of the same friends so I will certainly see him again. I'm starting to realize that he's not worth it and I should care less if he like me or not.

love should be more natural than this and I don't want to be with anyone who isn't as crazy about me as I am about them. I never expected anything but honesty from him and at least he was that. But Iv'e wasted far to much time on this player. Time to move on!!
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Old 22nd April 2004, 1:25 PM   #5
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Wow . . sounds like a similar situation i'm in right now. The difference is that we're not in the same geographic location. However, it will be in 3 months time.

I somehow agree with the statement - that he's afraid of hurting either of you.
This guy i know lives in Canada. We crossed each other before but never knew on a personal level. We do now . . since he knows now who i am & visaversa. .

He has come from a divorced marriage since 11 yrs ago & is very afraid to enter into a new relationship. Now i don't know if he attempted any within those 11 yrs. . but if any were fruitful, he won't be single right now.
I have to admit i too was married & separated. Mine lasted for 3 yrs. Then the battle with family & trying to find oneself . . then i discovered my childhood passion for becoming a race car driver.

Well well . . let me say this guy shares this passion with me totally. In the beginning he was totally excited & even made remarks that led me to believe he may interested, despite his broken heart. He urged me to go live in canada because it's a better life. Coincidentally due to situations in my life i've made a decision to go & live there.

All he ever says is , "That is good, i am happy for you cool"
Right now he's having some difficult times with his job/place to do it cuz he's a mechanic. I notice how he looks forward chatting with me online every single night. . we talk about cars & racing most times, esp when either of us is feeling a little blue. . . he's always sending me sites about cars/racing. . any other helpful information too.

Am i mistaking these clues? Or being a typical SAG & using what i use best my instinct, that this guy maybe falling for me but is scared? which might explain his change of moods & remarks.
And how do you suppose he might really be feeling knowing that i'm really going to live there.
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