Originally posted by corythosaurus
Not being paid attention to can come from any myriad of areas; work, golf, alcohol, drugs, bars, darts, bowling, women, porn, depression, chat rooms, etc. etc. etc.
And those who do experience spousal porn abuse cannot pretend that neglect occurs in a vaccuum, as an attempt to dodge their own responsibility.
HOWEVER, in the future, I refuse to be with someone for the long haul that chooses to resort to sexual gratification from pornographic material.
That I can agree with 200%.... As long as it is made perfectly clear in the begining how you feel about it.
I, personally, have no issues with my husband watching porn and I totally respect your right, Fedup, to not want it in your marriage.... The only thing I have a problem with (And this is just a general statement not directed at anyone in particular) is when the relationship already is in place, promises made, vows exchanged.... then it is no longer acceptable because you are married... not fair.
And if you didn't get a chance to touch on the topic prior to marriage and it is discovered after the fact that your partner watches porn, it should be discussed and worked out, not make demands and pull the "if you love me" crap. (How pissed did we get, girls, when the guys pulled that on us when we were kids and they wanted to get in our pants...)
People can be very uptight about sex. We were all raised to think different things about masterbation and such. I know you don't agree with this logic, FU, but porn really is just a tool for masterbation... like their hand or the HUGE bottle of body lotion by the TV remote... The actresses phone numbers do not come with the video rental or anything...
BUT... To each his/her own. Like I said.... As long as that line is drawn very clearly in the sand prior to marriage, all is good.
Fantasies, just like masturbation, are a private sexual stimulation--it's not cheating, nor is it demeaning to another person.
Pornographic movies/books/magazines can be one outlet, so are G-rated movies/books/magazines, or a total stranger walking down the street. I will admit certain scenarios, such as child sexual acts, bestiality, coprophilia (unbelievable, but it's out there) are absolutely repulsive to me, and I would not date anyone who was interested in those materials. But someone could still freely fantasize about those situations, and not have any pornographic material of that kind around.
If you know someone is offended by certain materials or acts, don't mention or perform them with an audience around.
If you are offended by certain materials/acts, ask the other person not to show them to you, or if you're that disgusted by them, try to find someone who has the same feelings on the issue as you.
I guess what this all boils down to is that you get with someone that shares the same views and values as you do. If you despise porn and think it's harmful, then you get with someone that feels the same way you. Girls, there are plenty of guys that don't like or watch porn. They're out there. Make it a matter of discussion while you're dating. Because the truth is, no one is going to compromise on what they feel strongly about.
Everyone has strong arguments for porn and against porn. If you're into porn and you feel it's beneficial or harmless, that's you're thing. But it's pointless trying to get someone who has a strong argument against porn to accept it, and it's pointless to get someone who has a strong argument for porn to not accept it. Everyone has a right to their opinions, meaning a person has the right to accept something as good and accept something as being harmful.
I am not for porn, and I responded to this post because I thought that the creator of it wanted to know what problems women have with their men watching porn. I don't expect anyone to agree with my reasons. But I was letting others know how those women feel. Instead of trying to understand why those women feel that way (and understanding doesn't have to mean accepting), it's turned into an attack fest.
If a woman said her man watching porn makes her feel bad, instead of asking why it makes her feel bad, or what about it makes her feel bad, responses have been on along the lines that she's insecure, she shouldn't feel that way, or it's just looking not loving. That's not trying to understand. That's attacking a person for feeling the way they do.
Originally posted by Sundaymorning
I just ran a search on "male images" and nothing really came up. I Do not want to look at gay men, I cannot relate to that!! Call me crazy, but I want to look at a dude that wants women, not men. Are there such pictures out there?
Sundaymorning, please solve one of the mysteries of life for me. How can one look at a picture of a man and tell whether or not he is gay?
This is one of those wildfire threads. Never know where it's going or what's gonna happen next. Got a headache by the fifth page, then this jumped out at me. Sorry if someone else pointed it out (in the following 10 pages.)
__________________ "Just think, right now, all over the world, there are people exercising bad judgement. Somebody, right at this minute, is probably making the mistake of his (or her) life. - George Carlin
Originally posted by wiseOLDman Sundaymorning, please solve one of the mysteries of life for me. How can one look at a picture of a man and tell whether or not he is gay?
This is one of those wildfire threads. Never know where it's going or what's gonna happen next. Got a headache by the fifth page, then this jumped out at me. Sorry if someone else pointed it out (in the following 10 pages.)
Because, that is what comes up, Wise. That's all I've found as well. It's frustratingly obvious that they are gay, and it's evident.
Originally posted by ThisGirlNameKD
I guess what this all boils down to is that you get with someone that shares the same views and values as you do. If you despise porn and think it's harmful, then you get with someone that feels the same way you. Girls, there are plenty of guys that don't like or watch porn. They're out there. Make it a matter of discussion while you're dating. Because the truth is, no one is going to compromise on what they feel strongly about.
Everyone has strong arguments for porn and against porn. If you're into porn and you feel it's beneficial or harmless, that's you're thing. But it's pointless trying to get someone who has a strong argument against porn to accept it, and it's pointless to get someone who has a strong argument for porn to not accept it. Everyone has a right to their opinions, meaning a person has the right to accept something as good and accept something as being harmful.
I am not for porn, and I responded to this post because I thought that the creator of it wanted to know what problems women have with their men watching porn. I don't expect anyone to agree with my reasons. But I was letting others know how those women feel. Instead of trying to understand why those women feel that way (and understanding doesn't have to mean accepting), it's turned into an attack fest.
If a woman said her man watching porn makes her feel bad, instead of asking why it makes her feel bad, or what about it makes her feel bad, responses have been on along the lines that she's insecure, she shouldn't feel that way, or it's just looking not loving. That's not trying to understand. That's attacking a person for feeling the way they do.
Which was my point from the very start of this thread, and still is now on page 5...or whatever the hell we're on now. The argument will go on and on, but my standards aren't changing any. From here on out, I withdraw from participating on this thread. You ALL know how I feel about the matter, so...touche!
I responded to this post because I thought that the creator of it wanted to know what problems women have with their men watching porn
That was never the point about MY thread and I made it perfectly clear. The issue, as has been so clearly demonstrated by several respondents, is that people have their minds made up and give no credit to men. They believe they understand what goes on in men's minds and will neither attempt to verify it nor listen to any answers they are given.
I fail to understand this mode of behaviour but it happens all the time and not only with porn. A couple of people had their eyes opened. In the end, that's all I could hope for; that a few minds which had snapped shut allowed a crack to open to let some different ideas and information in.
__________________
I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness that I can show to my fellow creatures, let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.
Originally posted by Fedup&givingup
That's all I've found as well. It's frustratingly obvious that they are gay, and it's evident.
Living in San Francisco for over four years, I've been able to develop a reasonable gaydar, but you're flat out lying if you think you can do it from just a photograph.
Thank you very much for all your posts. You are absolutely right! The main problem is that we don't trust our hustands. My husband who loves me dearly always tells me that even though he looks at porn and women on the street, he never desires them. He always felt very guilty about it. Very guilty. And I was (and sometime still is) the one who makes him feel even worse. I always knew that his interest is healthy, but I guess I could not believe that someone can love me SO much. I always look for that little piece of evidence that shows me that he prefers somebody else.
I am happy to inform you that I was able to overcome the porn issue, and your posts (and some other peoples) DID HELP me a lot.
I still feel some insecurity sometime especially during my PMS. But I am determined to start trusting my husband completely. He is 100% dedicated husband and father and it hurts him a lot that i doubt his feelings all the time. Thanks again! (And i read some of the books you recomended also).
Part of the problem I think women have with porn is that its not meant for them, its meant for men. Its designed, produced, marketed and distributed by men for men. I mean, really, what ratio of straight women vs. gay men do you think composes Playgirl's subscriber list? 25:75, MAYBE? With porn, women get a glimpse at raw, unfiltered male sexuality and they don't like it. Many women want to have the monopoly what constitutes love and romance. They want to see movies of men groveling with candy and flowers and romantic speeches to win the girl over. Sorry ladies, we don't need exotic locations, melodramatic circumstances, forbidden temptations and heartfelt confessions to get all hot and bothered. All we need is a penis, a hole, a bottle of lube and flesh pounding. And many men are tired of having to feel apologetic about it.
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1000 B.C. - "That root is heathen, say this prayer."
1850 A.D. - "That prayer is superstition, drink this potion."
1940 A.D. - "That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill."
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Damn right, Inmann... and honestly, I've never BEEN apologetic about it. I don't get what's so hard to understand. Ladies, we don't WANT to have to construct elaborate fantasies in our heads just to get off. It's not worth the trouble. We just want to LOOK at something that arouses us, get off, and then maybe have a sandwich. There is NO emotional component to it, and the women who actually compare porn to cheating are out of their minds.
Ladies, I want you to give me one good reason as why we should bother to have "fantasies" when looking at some random internet titty is easier, faster, and achieves the same result. The reason can't be "It makes me feel bad" either. Your self-esteem issues are your own. I'm not saying we don't care...but **** it. We're horny, and when we're horny, ladies, your reasons don't make much sense to us, or our dicks, and we'll be damned if we'll have blue nuts because of them.
Also, what's the difference between porn and "fantasy"? You're still getting off to things other than your significant other. So by those standards, all women are cheating whores. Porn is no more tangible than imagination. The women in the pictures/videos are, for all intents and purposes, fake. We don't know their names, or anything about them. They don't mean anything to us. Aside from their physical appearance, they barely register as human in my mind. Tell me, ladies, would you feel better if we all pooled our money and hired a computer animation company to make us photorealistic porn? They wouldn't be real people, so technically we would be "needing someone else" to get us off.
When we're jacking off porn people aren't real people. They're abstractions. Human shaped-things we get off to. Nothing more. We're not wondering what they do on weekends.
Another thing. Do we begrudge the fact that you have vibrators? Do we moan and complain about your ridiculously cheesy "chick flicks" and romance novels? In fact, let me stop on that point for just a second. I've skimmed through one or two of those pieces of crap in my lifetime, and with the level of eroticism in those things, you women really need to just shut the **** up about us looking at porn. IT'S THE SAME DAMNED THING.
Romance novels = Softcore porn literature.
The only difference between the two is pretty much the very difference itself between men and women. Complexity. Romance novels are full of sickly sweet emotional bull****...because that's IMPORTANT to women. Wanna know what's important to us? Busting a nut...and that's what porn is. A simple way for us to bust a nut. Nothing more. We're all about saving time, ladies.
Last edited by Grinning Maniac; 16th July 2004 at 12:43 AM..
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