[cherubrock]

Well, I'm in the dumps.. here goes the story: I have been dating a girl for exactly 1 year. Both of us agreed that this was the healthiest and best relationship both have been involved with. We traveled together all the time, hold hands everywhere we go, and when people see us they always comment on how happy we seem together, and in my mind they were right.

About 4 months ago she moved back home with her dad because she was going to attend school back in her home town (we are both 25 and 26). We continued to call on the phone every night and see each other every other weekend. Still, nothing was out of the norm and in fact things were great in my eyes. I had just started thinking about engagement rings. The school she was attending was only 1 year and afterwards she wanted to travel with her new degree.

Well, we had a vacation planned 2 months ago and 5 days before we were supposed to go she called me and said "I'm not coming over and things just aren't working out" We had a long talk, lot's of crying on both ends the whole nine. She then called and left sobbing voice mails saying that she really just needed a break and that when she took this break she wanted time to think about things... and when she was thinking about things she wanted to have good memories and that is why we should go on the trip. She clearly stated that no matter how great of a time we had then when we got back we were done and she was taking a break. So we went and it was perfect, we never discussed anything and now I am single (I am lost and depressed

We finally had a big discussion on the phone and she has been crying more and wondering if she is doing the right thing. I have read the "no contact" rules and I want to play hard to get but it is eating away at me. I think I have found my soul mate and i'm on the verge of losing her. Something tells me that "her break" is because she is so stressed with school and I am just causing her more stress and it is easier for her to let go of me. Plus she had a traumatic childhood and her mother left her family when she was 12 and I think she is scared of how good our relationship is. I really care for her and in my heart and in my mind when I am thinking logically I know I am the best one for her and she is the best for me.

She will be calling me this week and I am unsure how to play my cards?

[moimeme]

Something tells me that "her break" is because she is so stressed with school and I am just causing her more stress and it is easier for her to let go of me

Stress can really mess with your head. Student stress can be pretty awful. I know lots of people think that if someone says they need a 'break' you should cut them off, but I also know that sometimes people feel overwhelmed by life - particularly in times of stress - and may not make wise choices. I don't think they should be punished for that. You could have hit it right on the nose with her; she may feel that trying to keep a relationship going as well as doing well in school is a lot of pressure.

Again, some people scoff at this sort of thing, but not everybody is built with the same amount of resiliency; what some people easily shake off tons of troubles while others are flattened by much less. Your gf already had some troubles in life and that can leave people a little more fragile.

Don't punish her with 'no contact'. Try to talk things out - ask her whether she thinks the stress might be the cause of her confusion.

[cherubrock]

Some more background here. The whole relationship started on a sour note (actually the only sour note we have ever had but still the whole basis of our relationship). We had been dating and sleeping together for about 2 months and she was on the phone with her friend and I heard her say I am hanging out with my friend (me). I did the unthinkable and gave her an ultimatum. I said we are either boyfriend girlfriend, or we can't continue to date. Well, she caved and I don't think she was ready at that time. Even though she loves me and I love her, I think that has always been on the back of her mind.

Now we are 3 hours apart and she is in class monday-sat all day and studying all night, atleast for the next 8 weeks.

She called last night crying and said "I don't know if I'm doing the right thing but I know I have to do it".... "the last thing I want to do is hurt you"

I am just so confussed it is unbelievable. I have been in the breakups where one says "if it is meant to be then it will be" but they never work out. Now she is saying that and I know the reality behind that statement and I'm depressed. Plus, reading all of these post most all of them the couple never get's back together.

Are there specific things I can say to her to make her step back and think about without sounding intrusive. I don't want to say this in the wrong way but I wish she would go to counseling. We do not share one single friend and my only communication is through her. Obviously when she is asking for advise people are going to give her advise that is favorable to her, but they really don't know. How do I get her to ask an independent source?