I cheated on my husband about 8 months ago and had a beautiful relationship with another man. It wasn't just about the sex, either. It didn't happen overnight, nor was it some impulse. We both were friends first and it just evolved into something else. However, it is over now.

My husband has a horrible temper and is sometimes verbally abusive. I have issues with his relationship with his mother (almost too close for comfort), how he blames everyone else for his problems, the list goes on and on...

Yet here I find myself back with my husband trying to rebuild something that I now feel wasn't there in the first place. I still have unresolved feelings for the other man and no matter how many times I tell my husband that my heart is not in it to rebuild this relationship - he still wants to try.

I know it is not fair to my husband to stay when my heart clearly isn't in it. I do care about him, I will always love him, but I know it's not enough to keep me here. He refuses counseling and I am trying to do it on my own - but I just feel more resentful everyday instead of rebuilding a connection with him.

Should I just walk away? He does love me, but I sometimes think his attachment is not healthy since he has no friends for support, it's always been just me. I feel sometimes I am here out of guilt and because I was rejected by the other man.

I know what I want out of life and love...it just doesn't want me.

[meanon]

I know it's not enough to keep me here

I know what I want out of life and love...it just doesn't want me.

It sounds to me as though you are absolutely sure there is no hope left for your relationship with your husband. Why are you still there? What do you mean when you say it doesn't want you? We make our own destinies and yours is in your hands. If you know what you want you have to seek it to achieve it, it's not going to fall in your lap. Have the courage of your convictions and leave. Good luck.

[carla]

The way I see it if he truly loves you he will go to councilling and he will do his share in tring to make your marriage work. I've been in a situation simular, where my ex wouldn't go to councilling "Our business is no one elses concern!" anyway I left, then all of a sudden "Lets go see a councillor." Sorry buddy you had your chance. They don't seem to realise what they have until they lose it.
What you do is your choice but if things continue as one sided you will get to the point of no turning back. Good Luck.

[yekcoh]

I was in a bad marriage, in which I left 3 times before it finally took. I will tell you the the hardest thing to overcome when you leave is the overwhelming desire to go back, no matter how awful the marriage was. Once you choose to not go back and continue your life on your own, there's a whole new world.

I don't know whether you should stay or leave, but your first priority, before your husband, and before your kids (if you have any) needs to be you. If your unhappy all those around you will be unhappy too. This is also true about your husband, if he's unhappy, you will be unhappy.

Good Luck

Y

[average guy]

If you have kids, I would leave him on the best terms possible. Kids know when their parents have cheated and when the love is gone. If you don't have kids, it is up to you to decide how much time and effort you want to put into trying to rekindle your love.

Best of luck

A.G.