Hmm.. feel a bit better.

kgal · 29th March 2004, 3:10 AM

I know it was the right thing to do.. because now I'm more at ease. I have more peace.

Well. I wrote just a casual email to my ex.. and in it I hinted that this break was still hurting me. I don't want to make him feel like crap.. afterall we both broke it off.. so I don't want him to think that it was all his fault.. cuz it wasn't.

So.. the point is that I feel better. I didn't really go into full detail about how crappy I feel.. just said that I felt ..well.. crappy. Haha. But .. gosh.. hopefully he'll still be able to stay positive. I don't want a negative response is all. Not writing would've just made it hard for me to be happy.. so I decided.. I want to be happier so I will just get it off my chest... afterall .. he seems to be handling this better than me.. so why not?

29th March 2004, 3:40 AM

it seems that you love him and still care for him. the best thing to let him know is that you still care for him, and you just want him to be ok. and the same goes for yourself. do what you feel is right but dont do anything that will hurt you in the process. will it make him feel better or worse by righting the e mail? it may feel better for you but you also have to think about his feelings as well.

dyermaker · 29th March 2004, 3:46 AM

With all due respect for jonathan, it will NOT help to let him know you still care for him. Write the e-mail, but don't send it--that's a good rule. You save yourself more heartbreak by not condeming yourself to the purgatory of waiting for reconciliation.

kgal · 29th March 2004, 4:17 AM

Well... I had already wrote and sent it. I really don't regret it. I didn't say anything that would hurt him. It's been a while and he acts as if he's doing fine. If he's not.. than for sure I'd want to know.. because we didn't break up due to him or me falling out of love. We both were very much in love and it's been hard .. I have done my best.. believe me.. I wrote so many emails.. and didn't send them. This wasn't even like the ones I didn't send... it was just like a one liner of saying how I felt the break was crummy.. but then I went into more positive stuff. I did say that I hope he's okay. I do love him very much and I don't want to hurt him. I just didn't want to spend the night crying like I have the past month. I just felt it had to be done. We're close enough to know how each other feels.. so if anything I hope he just understands.. and of course I do on his part as well.

Darkangelism · 29th March 2004, 4:19 AM

writing is good, sending is not, no contact is the best policy.

kgal · 29th March 2004, 4:38 AM

Ugh.. can anyone relate? I mean.. we didn't decide on no contact.. that's why I guess it was easy to do it.. because we both love hearing from each other.. but we just kindof know not to do it alot. I don't know.. I'll let you all know what happens. The worst is that he says he thinks it sucks too.. that's all.

dyermaker · 29th March 2004, 4:42 AM

Pardon my ignorance, perhaps I missed a thread, but if you still love each other, and still want contact, why are you broken up?

Darkangelism · 29th March 2004, 4:51 AM

yeah what dyer said.

shellen · 29th March 2004, 9:18 AM

kgal is actually in a similar position to me, but of course i will leave it to her to elaborate.
Ya, I can understand the contact part, coz my ex and i stayed in touch, but ours was not a mutual break up, he asked for it....
But I would advice not to stay in touch if you dun think u will be able to handle if u realized ur ex finds himself a new girl soon.....
that hurts even more... to me at least....

kgal · 29th March 2004, 2:48 PM

We both decided it was best NOT to date since his family would not approve and mine wouldn't approve if his didn't know of me. I guess it was our families we just didn't want to hurt. It hurt us to sneak around just to try to see one another. It hurts now not seeing him at all.. but we feel it's best.. in fact.. I know it's not right for me to get involved w/him since he's not of my beliefs. I just can't help that I fell in love w/him though.

I wake up depressed.. think of him as soon as I wake up. I cry almost every day and it just feels like it overwhelms me at times. I pray.. and that is the only thing I believe keeps me strong.. besides the love I find from fam. and friends and also co-workers. I Just don't understand it at times.. because I keep thinking if he loved me why wouldn't he tell his folks.. I mean.. even if we just wanted to see each other for a cup of coffee... I don't understand. I'm just in a hard place right now and I don't want to cut off all ties.. because I've known him for 8 years.. and I just love him too much to not have him in my life at all. I don't know.. sometimes I think that's probably what it will take for me to completelly move on... but the thought kills me inside.

I just hope something works out soon.

kgal · 29th March 2004, 10:58 PM

Well. He wrote back. He just told me not to be down and stuff like that. He agreed that it stunk.. but we both have to be strong here.. and he just reinforced that. I think..personally.. it does stink.. but on the other hand.. I understand why we must do this.. and I know the Lord will make a way for me to get through it and to be able to be happy again. I just pray if it's His will that we do end up together.. but I really have to focus on just taking it a day atta time here and move forward. I'm pretty much through with my anger phase.. and I feel like the acception phase is creeping in ever so slowly. This does not mean I won't love him... but it means that I have to stay optimistic and trust the Lord more.

Thanks guys.. for letting me vent.