[dlb311]

my boyfriend just broke up with me last night for the second time. Its over I don't want him back. We were together for two years seriously. We talked about marriage kids the whole thing and then we planned to move in together. Well a friend of his who had been gone for years because of college came back and they started spending more time together I loved his friend. But once he started hanging out with him he changed he wanted to be free and independant. Before he hated it when I went out with out him. no jealous way or anything just like oh I am going to miss you. So we had a hard month and he left he said he will regret it but it didn't know what else to do. So we parted but in my heart I knew how good we were together and how much we loved each other. I felt he would come back.

So four months I was single at the end I meet someone who helped me move on and then the ex came back said he loved me missed me and didn't know how he got along with out me. I was the one and the only. And he was 100% about it. We were great things we so good we were in love having fun... and things were so good.

He bought a house with a friend and started getting preoccuped I didn't say anything because I understand the excitement. But then he stopped calling as much didn't want to see me as much. And I started stressing out. well last night I finally said something I hadn't seen him in 8 days he was working the whole week far away from home and I was so excited I was going to see him last night I bought a new outfit and everything. Then I got no call all day from him. He called about 8:15 last night to tell me he was going for a run. Ummm he hasn't seen me in 8 days and he is going to prolong it and go for a run. So I called him back at 9:30 and said we need to talk I said this can't be one sided we both agreed this was what we wanted but it can be on only your terms. He said he knows and he is sorry. the past week he has just been questionning us and doesn't know if I am the one. he said this is what he wants but not now he isn't ready he needs and likes to be independant. So I knew things weren't going well so I was easy to let it go this time. I said if you want to throw away what we have then tell me? he said I just dont want to hurt you and I know I will because we aren't on the same page anymore. And we love each other we can't just date. He said he loved me so much and loves me being his girlfriend and loves spending time with me but isn't sure anymore if I am the one? I am confused how can a month ago he be so sure and not now? but I know all I can do is move on and let it go or else I will just let him hurt me over and over again. But I was 100% sure I was going to marry him so were does that leave me? How do I let the dream die. I had never felt this way I wanted to be with him forever and even after this life was over I wanted to still be with him.
Any advice for those who have gone through this or know someone who has I just want to forget about it.

The end of our coversation wasn't the best closure but I can't talk to him anymore. Its over I need to just let it be. I said if its over say good bye he said please dont hate me I said please just say good bye and he said good bye and I hung up and that was that!

[shellen]

well I am not very good at giving advice coz I guess I do not have much experience but I can definitely feel your heartache. I suppose in such a situation the only thing to do is to let time lessen your pain. It make take ages and you may never be healed totally, but you will definitely feel better than now. He may remain the person you love the most and it sucks that you cannot be with your greatest love, but that's what it is.

Are you very sure you do not want to be with him anymore?If you are absolutely sure then cut contact from him TOTALLY. They say women are fickle-minded, but I think when it comes to love men are more capricious. My ex told me he loved me very much but two weeks later he broke up with me. And of course until now he tells me he still likes me but he is seeing someone else already. So sometimes I really dunno what this men want. They can never decide.

I think time is the only real effective healer. For me, hanging out with friends or burying myself in work did not help at all, it jus took my mind off from the problem temporarily, but emotionally I was not getting better. But as time goes by, the pain is getting lesser, slowly but surely. But cry as much as you want and pour your woes to friends, online forums as much as you want, dun suppress it and dun think that is silly to cry over him, just do it, gotta let it all out. And one day, you will jus get so tired of crying u dun feel like crying anymore. Well....at least dat was what happened to me. Trying to convince myself that I deserve better and he was not worth it did not help at all, coz at the end of the day I find that I still love him very much and that was all that matters, regardless if he was worth it or not.
And I cannot stress how important no contact is, because I made a mistake of keep in touch with my ex and now nine months later i still haven gotten completely over him and not to mention all the additional heartaches and self esteem destroyers that came along with it.

Anyway I wish you all the best. I think my healing method sounds rather pathetic but i think that is how it is when you are dealing with some one that you love very very much. Take care ya...

[overseas2004]

Listen... this is not your first break up. This is your second. He came back to you and was like 100 % sure... Only to screw with your mind again after a month. So the bottom line is that he is going to keep doing this to you if you ever do get back with him. And you are not going to be happy in a state of limbo where you continously do not know where you belong in his heart.

Get yourself out of this tailspin but making it clear to yourself that it is over. Not just because he said it was over but BECAUSE you don't want to be jerked around anymore. I personally think you have suffered enough. What a jerk!!!

It would be one thing if somewhere along the line he broke up with you once and never came back but this is bulls*** and you know it.

How do you do it? Forget?

Pretty easy...

Number 1 - you have no choice he does not want to be with you
Number 2 - do you really want to lower yourself in front of that jerk by begging him.
Number 3 - Would it not be better to have your dignity. And then if he ever calls again to pretend like you are not interested in anything he has to say.
Number 4 - even if you had a choice you will not be happy with someone who has no clue what they want out of life.
Number 5 - he has put you through enough hell and the future will only bring you something better if you are away from him.

My mom gave me a really good saying once. A coward dies a thousand deaths but the brave only die once. The meaning behind all of this is that if you stick it out now you wont have to go through this again with this particular guy.

Another saying: It is better to have a painful end than PAIN WITH NO END.....

Now the next step. Go through the greiving process. Cry, be depressed, eat, or don't eat. Do whatever you feel like doing. Things will get better in a month or two. It will surprise you....

And just keep coming to these boards. I have found tremendous help here and even made some friends whom I message back and forth to every day. I have gotten to the point where at least I am not in tears all the time.

Take care....

[dlb311]

this is not going to be easy but I know he isn't worth it. I hate it when its said that he doesn't want me. I think he doesn't want himself. the way he treated me isn't because of me but because of him. He is weak. He came back to me saying this is what I want you are the one I want. I want this to work I will give it my all but when it came to actually putting into it for it to work he ran again. He is childish and is very emotional immature. He doesn't know how to take the next step when it comes to relationships and he wants it all on his terms when he likes it intense and passionet then that is the way it was and when he wanted his space intead of being normal and just taking a day away or whatever and saying I need to veg or something he pushed me away. He never communicated to me and that isn't how real relationships work. I am done I don't want him anymore he will only cause me more grief weither or not he tries to come back again he might. He said this is what he wants he just isn't ready. Well I am not waiting and when he realizes how special our bond was it will be to late. Because as of yesterday I was done I want nothing and I want no contact. IF he calls I am going to say never call me again and hang up I don't need to discuss this with him. I know he is a coward I don't need to go round and round about it. So there is no need for contact. It will only hurt that he is so weak to work through things. My heart and soul ache because if he wasn't like this if he could love me and not be so completely selfish it could have been bliss at least 95 % of the time.
I don't think he can be in a relationship that needs to take steps forward untill he realizes why they dont work is because he is so afraid of having to work at it.. Note to self and others really look at a person and see who they are love canbe really blind and I get that now. I loved him so much I was so willing to let some many things go. But I shouldn't have...But I needed to get back with him for the 3 months to realize why it ended and why it can't work out. because he isn't able to try. He has let me down and I am really disappointed. and I will abandoned once again. But that is my issues and I have to over come thoughs. Thanks for it all its hard but this time I want to get over it and I want to move on it will be so much easier. Its weird how you think some one is so perfect for you and loves you so much and is just a match made in heaven and you come to realize they aren't at all what you thought.
I hope that me never wanting him back and never wanting to talk to him ever again will hurt him because he has hurt me so much because I knew I could marry him and grow old with him and be happy untill I realized that he isn't worth trying for it. heart break is hard but this time its easier I know what happened and that I don't want him. FInally some peace