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Unsure.
I've had feelings for my best friend for 25 years, we have been friends since we were in diapers just about and feelings emerged. He felt the same, and still does. But he was in the military, and left for three years overseas. I was very hurt by it, and missed him still.--But I had to move on, I had to start dating and have a somewhat 'normal' life.
A year later, I met my now husband and we fell in love.---Got married, and everything was good. We have been married for four years, He's also an alcoholic, and decided to go behind my back and start doing drugs, etc. I thought I could help him get through this, I asked him to go into rehab, I always got a very sharp No. We have two kids, and I decided I can't have our kids going through this. So I left, and we stayed separated for 9 months straight.
My friend came back from being overseas, and he was just a friend to me.---Nothing more, We never was intimate with each other, he was someone that listened, and helped me with my two girls. At that time I was hurt by my husband, I couldn't trust him anymore because the times that I thought I could trust him he was sneaking behind my back and doing drugs, using our money for our children to do this.
9 months later, He was clean. He had finished rehab, was in counseling, etc. But I was really happy with this friendship I had with my best friend, I trust him. And I was feeling all those feelings I had felt before he left overseas. But I was still married, and my kids love their dad. So I decided to go back to him.
Everything is good, He's sober, and clean. He's supportive, loving, and everything you could want in a partner. But I realize I don't trust him anymore, and the love I once felt so strong isn't there anymore. I still love him, and will always but I am not in love anymore. I've found myself purely staying for the fact that my family keeps telling me things like ,"He's not hitting you, cheating on you, or lying to you...You have kids, Stay with him regardless!
I don't want my kids to ever have a broken home, and We've gone through counseling to get my trust back, and possibly love.---But it's still not there. My kids are happy though, so that's the only bright side of things.
My heart really belongs to my best friend, I would never act on those feelings while being married because I don't want to be a 'cheater', or be lost in an affair.
I'll always put my kids happiness first, But what about me?
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