Now that he is not in my life right now.
8 years with the same guy...the love of my life is gone.
The world is just a cold place. I hate sunny days, rainy days seem better. But its not like it helps with anything.
I shop at stores and everyone is ugly to me. Its scary.
I see things so differently. Like, Im looking out of different eyes.
It seems as if all the yukky ugly guys are looking at me and I want to tell them to get lost. Even though, nobody may be looking at me in that way.
I still wear my engagement ring, because I cant get myself to take it off.
Its a part of me and my personality.
I dont want anyone else. I just want my boyfriend back.
Everything is sooo different. EVERYTHING.
I hate the world right now. NOTHING is the same.
How can they go on acting like nothing is wrong? I hate driving by our places we always went to. Its soooo painful, and my stomach turns.
This is the worst feeling in the world.
We went everywhere together.
How do I escape from that?
How do you get past the songs that you hear together and brought you together?
I keep thinking of the song by Queen "Who Wants to Live Forever"
because he introduced me to the show the Highlander and bought me the Queen music from the show and movie, our first Christmas together.
The CD will always remind me of him.
Its sooo sad.
I will be coming here for a long time for support if thats ok.
I need this place.
No, he wanted his "space" after a blowout we had on Feb 1st.
I havent seen him since Feb. 3rd.
I wrote him a couple letters and called him a couple times.
THe only answers I get from him is "I dont know"
He wasnt supposed to leave me hanging for an answer, but he did.
I guess I should have known that we are NOT getting back together right now.
I called him 3 mornings ago, he was very cold to me for no reason.
Just didnt want to give me the time or day.
Im confused, and hurt very bad because he was my fiance and my best friend for 8 years and now Im left without answers or a formal goodbye.
Life is unfair.
i read your post on the phone call situation, yeah you want answers.......I wanna know what my ex is thinking, maybe you can give soome advice, please read my posts anything from (From ND) thats me, my story is in there, anyways, 8 years is a long time, I really feel for you sadness, maybe those letters you write, keep sending them, its hard to know what route to take in your case, I mean being engaed is pretty serious stuff, and then to just have it all fall apart,maybe your guy is scared? paople often put on "masks" to avoid letting out their fears, I dont know, but idf theres another woman, then I would start worrying about YOU! I need advice on my deal too,
Location: southern Ms'sippi, I think we have colored TV now :)
Posts: 151
Sinkerswim, I know you dont wanna hear this and you obviously havent paid any attention to it so far but you havr got to stop contacting him. Futher contact will only push him away. Let him find out what it is that he is missing. If he misses you then he will come back, but how can he miss you when you keep contacting him?
__________________
"I don't want to be part of the current trend of over-idealism by looking for someone extraordinary on the terms of the media, rather I want someone that I feel extraordinarily special with."
Please listen... Leave him alone. I told you before, write all the letters you want, just do NOT mail them. If he wants to find you.. he will. If he is needing time to think, and you are constantly there on the phone or in letters, he will feel he is being pushed and the one who will get left behind is You.
Guys are guys, girls are girls. Guys have to think (alone) and Girls have to have all answers now. I am telling you, I have been where you are... and it is better if they come back on their own rather than to try to force them. Besides, do you really want to be with someone whom you had to manipulate into talking to you?
Your sadness, depression will go... and you will heal. I swear it. It takes time, and obsessing over something you can not control isn't helping you. Think about it.
__________________
Be careful what you wish for, the Universe has a wicked sense of humor
I know what you mean, you guys. I am actually listening to you.
I need this place.
But, I guess I just get afraid that there is some kind of misunderstanding or something.
I know its best to leave him alone. I guess Im like an annoying fly that keeps coming back and pestering..... In other words.
But I want him to know how much I love him.
I felt distant from him in January and he was so sweet and now I feel bad.
I have a million unanswered questions in my head.
I feel guilty for doing this.
I feel guilty for being so controlling all these years. Its like I want to remind him of who I am and what we have done.
That yes, he DID give me a ring.
But I guess he knows that already.
See, my boyfriend bottles everything up and I dont want him to be afraid to call me.
Im very paranoid.
But I know I have to leave him alone if I want him to miss me.
Holy ****... that Queen song was the first song on a "Slow Songs" tape I made years ago when TBXW and I started dating. A lot of memories associated with that song, many that I now prefer not to think about. For all those years, until this past August, I considered myself to be truly fortunate to have found the person I wanted to be with forever.
Turns out, she'd never been happy in the marriage and was a serial cheater. I didn't know about any of this till August. Now I know. And it's been rough at times, no doubt about it.
My realization was that I'd been married to a very enjoyable illusion. My TBXW was really very different from who I thought she was. For several months, I longed to have that person back. I couldn't conceive of my life without her in it. Every other woman I saw couldn't compare physically, at least from my tortured perspective. I, like you, saw ugliness everywhere I looked.
It took several months, but that's all changed. I don't really care anymore what she does with her life. The times I've seen her recently to drop off the kids, I see her as somebody I used to be with. The feelings of attachment are gone. Most of the feelings of residual territoriality are gone. Obviously I haven't forgotten the life we had together, but the intimate details that made it so special at the time have blurred. She doesn't seem "intimately familiar" like she used to. Getting to this point was tough, but I'm so glad I'm there now.
You will get beyond this... you're just in the worst stage. I know you can't conceive of it now, but you will find it within yourself to move on. Somewhere out there, there is somebody just as good, if not better. I wish you the best, because you deserve the best.
You know deep down inside that there is no misunderstanding here. And even if there was one... misunderstandings get cleared up.
Dont listen to the people here who keep telling you to call or write to him. That will not work. And in the end it will only make you feel bad.
I went through this cycle too. And this lovely lady wrote to me finally on this website and said. It is better to have a end with pain then pain with no end. And she was write. Once I gave up on him. I started to get back to normal. Do I still cry? hell yes... Do I still feel bad at times? yes of course. But the point is... that the pain has started to ease up.
So give yourself a chance to get to that point where at least you can enjoy one or two moments a day. This life is really really really f--- short. Dont spend these days that you have all bent out of shape like this.... You will regret it later.
And remember i told you once you stop contacting him ... he will eventually come around and you will either have him back or you will have peace and closure. It can't be otherwise after 8 years. If it is.. then he is an ass. But can you please trust me when I tell you this.
By the way I just wanted to post this thought to you that I wrote earlier to some other post. I thought it would be useful to you as well.
Love is something that can be beautiful and painful. It can make you whole or rip your world apart. When love is true and real it can make you whole and heal your soul from all the wounds it had from before. But even when love isn't real and we get hurt... it still helps us to grow and it molds us into the people that we become.
I have to be reminded of a really really good friend of mine from Canada who is very young and currently dying of cancer. She never had a relationship before. She was always too scared to try. Now it is too late. She was always afraid she was going to get ripped apart.
the thought occurs to me at this stage that I am glad that I am ripped apart rather than in the dark. I am glad that at one time I held someone and they filled my soul with happiness and tears of joy. Rather than to have never had that because I was too scared to experience the loss I am going through at this moment.
I will live for that moment when it happens again to me and hope that next time I will be lucky and it will last.
I hope you remember this and it makes you feel better Renee....
Sink,
I happen to agree with overseas as far as not making any further contact. There is NOTHING he can say right now which will change the fact that the relationship has ended....at least for now. To torture yourself trying to invoke a response or explanation from him.....is fruitless.
Love has a tendency to leave as mysteriously as it arrived.
Depending on how intense the relationship was....it can hurt for a long time. I've said it before....it's like a really bad flu that makes you ache all over. Nothing makes sense. You really begin to wonder if you will ever be happy or if the sun will ever shine again. For awhile...it may seem like it will never happen.
However, time does slowly heal the wound. Until that time comes, you keep yourself busy, try not to constantly focus on what went terribly wrong and make some new friends. I used to post, lost in tears, until I was feared I would get callouses on my fingertips. LOL!
Keep in mind that everytime you contact him, you are setting yourself up for failure. IF or WHEN he has a change of heart.....he will contact you.
Hang in there and know that many many people have passed thru this same valley....and they survived it. You will too!!!!
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
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