[mujer]

I've been dating this man for about 9 months. When the relationship first started, we were both non-exclusively dating other people. However, this guy totally and completely swept my off my feet. He would talk about things like destiny and fate and the two of us and had me feeling things I had never felt before. So, I ended things with the other person I was seeing. I thought it was the right thing to do since I had clearly fallen for someone else. The kicker is....this man who swept me off my feet did not end things with the person he was seeing. At about the 3-month mark, he started making promises that he would take care of it as soon as he could and that we would have a future together. However, here I sit 6 months later and as far as I know, nothing has been taken care of, and we are still non-exclusive (at least on his end). I'm really unsure of what to do at this point. I feel like more than enough time has passed, and at the same time, I'm still as head over heals as ever and can't seem to figure out which direction I should go in. I'm so frustrated and confused. I'm not even sure if he is actively seeing this other person because he spends most of his free time with me. However, I feel like after the amount of time that has passed, I have the right to expect a concrete commitment. Is it time for me to sit him down and ask what's going on? Do I have the right to be angry that it has taken too long? Or am I partly to blame since I did agree to be non-exclusive?

[overseas2004]

You are not to blame. Most relationships start out non exlusive. And usually that starts to change if two people fall in love rather rapidly. He is telling you he loves you and about destiny. But what is really doing to secure that destiny. In my opinion nothing.

What you need to do now is not allow what you don't want to continue to happen. He should make a choice or lose you. And in my opinion he is going to keep both of you as long as he can. Why would he give that up when you let him.

Obviously you want more and he is not providing it now. Most of my dating years have taught me that if you are too nice and too accomodating you get walked on. And I don't do this anymore.

If there is some doubt in your mind as to whether he is seeing this other person still since he is spending all his free time with you then you should clear that up. In the event that he is and he promises to take care of it again. Just firmly tell him that "you would love for him to call you if and when he does take care of it, but not before that".

You are probably saying "gosh how simple if we could all be emotional and rational". I know it is tough but I have also learned the hard way that fighting and yelling doesn't accomplish much either. Usually to be firm yet kind leaves a much bigger impression on the other person.

My mother always used to say "a soft word can open even and iron gate".

Good luck... let us know what you decide and what happens.

[mujer]

Thank you for the advice. For whatever reason, approaching this subject has been very difficult for me. I guess you could say I am a bit of a people pleaser and have a habit of trying my best to toe the line and walk on egg shells. I really do not want to function this way anymore though and I really would like to move forward. I guess I've felt like it was my fault because, like I said, I was also dating someone else in the beginning. But I guess I shouldn't feel that way. It has been a long time.

[spencer]

start to distance yourself some and make yourself less available to him, dating other guys might not be a bad idea. regardless, move forward with your life as if he doesn't have a huge role in it, if he comes around and wants you all to himself --great. if not you have other opportunities .

[manolo]

Mujer, oyeme

You don't need him. There is always something better out there. Take advantage of life.