there is simply no such thing between any two partners
I agree. Nor parents for kids, either. All it means is that someone gives more leeway to someone else to do bad stuff without disliking them for it. That's ok for kids, when the worst they can do (usually) would be draw with crayon on the walls.
For this to be true of adults, one partner would have to love the other despite abuse, infidelity, murder, torture, or anything else. The whole point of 'unconditional', after all, is the sense that there is nothing whatsoever which can end that love.
IMHO, anyone who loves an adult unconditionally is totally without healthy boundaries for that reason. God can afford to love unconditionally; it won't end him up in a hospital or dead. Not so we humans.
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I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness that I can show to my fellow creatures, let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.
Originally posted by BrainRightHeartWrong
it is funny to watch some posters using the term 'unconditional love' and how they can or will provide it...
there is simply no such thing between any two partners!
the closest thing to this myth is the relationship between a mother and her children or maybe even a father and his children...
and even then there are a quite a few conditions i would imagine that would test this unconditional love!
a wise man once told me you'll never find a woman who will love you as much as your mother!
How can you possibly speak for every person? I'm sorry if that hasn't been the case with you, but for me it's true. If you're referring to my post under the "name five things about marriage" thread, that is one thing I think should definitely exist in a marriage, and it exists in mine. Believe it or not.
To quote you, sure there are things that could "test" unconditional love, but I can't think of ANYTHING my husband could do that would make me stop loving him. And I know what you're thinking. I know that marriages sometimes break up because of various things that occur and that sometimes people do stop loving each other. But in my case it hasn't happened and I'd like to believe it never will. It's just a personal thing. I'm not speaking for everybody, and I don't appreciate it when people try to speak for me and everybody else.
No need to get ticked. Often this happens to me, too - a poster will mention an idea or concept and I'll post a thread about my thoughts about that idea or concept. Nothing to do with the poster. It's about the idea.
For sake of argument: a woman found out after something like twenty years of marriage that throughout that time, when she was out of town, her husband would find young boys that he'd rape, murder, and bury in their yard. True story.
Oh jeez, leave it to someone to throw in the abuse issue. I guess I didn't even think of that because it would never occur in my marriage. I guess that's one "condition" I could put on it. I mean, I would still love him, would probably feel sorry for him, because it would mean he needs help beyond what I could give him. So would I leave? Sure. Would I stop loving him deep in my heart? Probably not.
i think you could be mistaken or misunderstand the term unconditional
i could list a range of stuff your husband could do to make you stop loving him but i won't make out an imaginative sick graphic list of possibilities that humans can and do inflict upon others!
nobody here on ls speaks for everybody, most of us believe we aren't god, we are here to help, receive help or express our opinions
First of all, I never said I was "ticked." Nor did I try to imply that I'm God.
Also, my post about abuse showed up after Moimeme's second post. I meant for it to be in response to her "abuse" post, just to clarify.
I agree that everyone is entitled to their opinion. I think if you go back and read the first post in this thread, you'll see that the words "my opinion" were not used. The poster seemed to post their thoughts as facts. I think we're getting into a semantics argument now, unnessarily.
I appreciate your opinions; please appreciate mine.
Thanks!
p.s. Furthermore, my posting "unconditional love" in another thread was regarding MY marriage - not a general statement. I have been with my husband long enough and know him well enough to know that he would NEVER do the sick things moimeme mentioned; therefore, I can safely say that I love him unconditionally. What the future may hold, I guess nobody can say for sure. I'll give you that. But NOW, TODAY, I love him unconditionally. Is that better?
Last edited by ladyangel; 16th March 2004 at 8:04 PM..
Originally posted by BrainRightHeartWrong
i understand you love your husband unconditionally just as long as he agrees to the conditions of your marriage
I'm afraid I don't understand what you're getting at there. Perhaps you could explain.
I've been thinking about my term "unconditional love" as I posted it on the marriage thread. I do think I give my husband (and my son and stepson) unconditional love in the sense that I don't put conditions on it such as, "If you do X, Y or Z for me I'll love you." You can call me a fool, but I have a lot of love to give and I try not to hold back. Maybe that will get me hurt in the future, but how will you find out if you don't open up and give all that you have?
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Originally posted by Moimeme
I agree. Nor parents for kids, either. All it means is that someone gives more leeway to someone else to do bad stuff without disliking them for it. That's ok for kids, when the worst they can do (usually) would be draw with crayon on the walls.
I totally disagree. I think anyone who has kids will tell you that they have unconditional love for them. And believe me, there are MUCH worse things they can do than draw with crayons on the walls...much worse. But you still love them because they are your children. You can dislike the action and still love the child unconditionally. Just my opinion, of course.
A marriage love usually does seem to have conditions, as the others have noted. I don't have kids, so I cant really answer on that type of love. But I feel my parents probably love me unconditionally. It's nice to aspire to loving without too many conditions though, within reason of course.
Originally posted by BrainRightHeartWrong
ok i shall explain...
ladyangel what i am saying is that your relationship and marriage is CONDITIONAL!!!
well what are marriage vows?
er em... i agree to blah blah blah...
HELLO!!!!!!!!! HELLO!!!!!!!! is that not a sequence of conditions?
No, because it doesn't say, "And if you don't do blah blah blah I will stop loving you."
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why do you think people are afraid to get married? because of the CONDITIONS involved!!!!! and this behavior is more popular than before!
you sound like a lovely person and i agree in unconditional love in the FANTASY sense...
its a bit like believing in the tooth fairy or lechprechauns if you are from my country!
hence yes its a lovely thing to believe in but when the s*** hits the fan its only idealology!
My marriage vows said a lot of things, including that we would love, etc...till death do us part. I don't think of them as conditions. I think of it as a pledge of your love for each other.
I can understand your point of view about conditions (I think) and that sometimes people don't keep their marriage vows and people get hurt and divorces result. That's true. I think I pointed out earlier that in MY case I can't imagine anything he could do that would make me stop loving him. But I think I also agreed to the caveat that Moimeme added about abuse... that I would leave him, feel sorry for him, know that he needed help, but would never stop loving him.
Maybe you and I have different views on love, who knows. And I don't think it matters what country you're from.
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i like people like you, we need more of you in this world!
Unconditional love is a willingness to work through issues, not a compassionate threshold for murder, torture, or whatever other yucky nouns we can come up with.
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