[carmilla32]

My Boyfriend, Soon to be fiance... Well me and hime have been together for one year. I have 2 kids of my own that have grown attached to him. Well 2 days ago I found out he's been cheating on me throughout the whole entire relationship! With his ex-girlfriend. I should have been smart in the first place starting something with someone that had just not even ended his last. I thought he dumped her for me, come to find out they've messed around all year-round.

My boufriend has had 3 different cars since we've been together. I talked to the girl personally for about 6 hours straight. She told ALL the mix. She gave him money to help put down on all of those cars, shes brought him outfits, put 2-3 hundred dollars every 2 weeks in his pocket, when he says it comes from his mom. I guess on Christmas she gave him money to help him stalk up on MY kids Christmas gifts,

They've ****ed in all 3 cars, because he works day shift and I work graveyard. Its SO MUCH. DAM
I feel so stupid because I don't know what to do. He's saying I love you I don't want to be with you I didn't think it was gonna go this far. but why would he do this in the first place if he really loves me? I can see if it's one night but its throughout my relationship with him. Shes doing everything in her power to keep me from staying with him, even at the same time shes like; I'm still gonna be messing with heim wether your with him or not and this & that.

And he's like yeah I played you with her, I offered to leave him alone, I don't even know why he would keep me around in the first place and shes doing so much more for him that I can do, like well what am I here for?.
I don't know, all I know is I'm confused I still love him, but I don't want to sit back and get played agin, I can promise you its gonna happen agin. But I have a plan.

**** ITS SO MUCH DRAMA


Ok,
I going to listen to my mans words and try in my heart to believe him and I'm just gonna act like we're coo starting over whatever. Meanwhile act like nothing is wrong and actually try and work it out. Meanwhile I'm going to take a night off from work (i work graveyard shift keep in mind 10:30p-7:a) and have my mom watch the kids its a Friday night that I took off. He dosen't know I'm taking off. I'm gonna pop up over there about 3 am just for the hell of it. BIG PLAYA We're gonna see how true to your words you say you can be. I can believe his words even though I want to, my heart says I need to say it for myself. But I'm stupid for taking him back in the first place though.

It's just that we're one week from getting our new apartment and my babies love him. I asked him to be honest and he SAID he would so now we're gonna SEE.



So is this the right thing to do? I still want to be with him but this other bitch is like I was here before now and after you. He says otherwise. what should I do? I don't want to leave him and I know he wants to be with me. But how do I know he'll leave her alone. I don't want to go another year thinking every night, were you two together while I'm at work.

[Darkangelism]

He doesn't deserve a second chance, what he did was wrong. Leave him and go find a nice guy that will not cheat on you.

[Tony T]

Yup, he doesn't deserve a second chance.

Your entire relationship has been based on a lie. It's all been based on you not having all the facts (the facts of him being with her the entire time).

There's no need to call her a "b*tch".....she owes you NOTHING. She isn't the one with the supposed commitment to you. She has no obligation to you whatsoever.

I have to say, I shake my head and groan when I hear or read about women who've been totally crapped on by men.....they've been cheated on, lied to, used, disrespected, betrayed, manipulated, etc......and they do express anger/hurt/contempt for what's been done to them by their partner....but in the next breath they want to give the LOSER another chance with the excuse of, "BUT I LOVE HIM!" Come on girls, give your head a shake.

True love can't exist without RESPECT...MUTUAL respect.

And how can you respect someone who lies and cheats and betrays and manipulates? ANSWER: You can't.

Part of the reason men pull this sh*t is because THEY CAN. Because they can get away with it.......or most importantly, when they get BUSTED, their home-girl chooses to remain with the arsehole......."because she loves him".....so all that does is send a loud and clear message to him that she's a chump, desperate, not too smart, doesn't have much self respect and will put up with any crap he throws her way. So in essence.....if you decide to stay with this PIGLET, after what he's done for the entire duration of your relationship, is send a message to him that his behavior has been TOTALLY ACCEPTABLE to you..and that there's NO CONSEQUENCES or REPERCUSSIONS.

This shouldn't about you deciding whether he should get a "second chance".......this should be about "what the hell would I give him a second chance FOR?"

Okay, humans make mistakes, they have errors in judgment. But his cheating behavior that's spanned the ENTIRE length of your relationship with him is waaaaaaay more than just a "mistake" or an "error in judgement."

He wanted to have his cake and eat it too. He's been using her for sex and all the money she gives him and things she buys for him (what a LOSER! You want a guy who has such little self respect for himself that he will mooch off a woman? YUCK!).....yet all the while, he's been living a lie and being with you.

You seriously would consider remaining with a guy who's f*cked around on you, for an entire year.....horsing around while you're out working, when in fact, he's at home in bed with some other woman? Come on girl, don't you have any pride? This guy is worthless. W O R T H L E S S.

Spare yourself the energy and detective skills of your plan to take off the night of work and "bust him in the act"...what the hell for? What is that going to prove? You already know the facts. Are you a sucker for punishment?

You wrote,

"I don't want to leave him and I know he wants to be with me."

Wake up and smell the coffee!! He doesn't want to be with you......he wants to play and use 2 women. If he wanted to be with you, he'd be ONLY WITH YOU..and nobody else.

What about your children. Don't you think you OWE IT TO THEM to have a better male role model in their life? You mentioned he's your "soon to be fiance." What on God's green earth would possess you to want to become engaged to, and later married to, a piglet who has been screwing some other chick for the entire length of your relationship?

Does that sound like the kind of guy who'd make a good husband and father to your children? Does that sound like someone who's responsible and reliable and accountable and mature? Does that sound like someone you'll be able to count on for the rest of your life, to be there for you and ONLY YOU, and your children?

You seriously need to get yourself into some counselling......so that you can stop with this "but I love him" crap and figure out why on earth your self esteem and sense of self worth is so incredibly low that you would even CONSIDER giving this walking-disease another chance.

If you choose to remain with him, then you deserve the pain and heartache you're going to end up enduring....but your children are innocent and they don't deserve all of the future drama and tension and stress and crap.

You need a wakeup call, lady.

Stop with this "but I love him" garbage. What is there to love?

Do you even know what true love is about?

You want to remain with a guy who's consistently had his pecker in some other chick for the past year?

[Vivid_29]

Based on what you told us, do you really need our opinions on whether or not you should give him another chance? Come on, now...

~V

You're darn tootin, Vivid...well put.

I got cheated on through the whole thing with his ex should he get a 2nd chance?

No cheaters "should" get a second chance. He'll more than likely do it again, I promise you.

I've been cheated on more than both my hands can count, and every partner did it multiple times. Even if he does stop seeing her, and is faithful to you... you'll never trust him again. The quality of your relationship is sh*t now.

Keep your memories (that really aren't worth much anymore) and walk away from him. I know that will be hard but:

You deserve much better!

-Deranged

I'm not the most monogamy-minded poster on this board, but I've got to agree with everyone else here. This long-term dishonesty should make you seriously doubt whether your boyfriend could ever give up his ex. I think he won't. He'll just be sneakier. He may love you, but you don't want the same things at all. And he'd rather lie and cheat than tell you openly that he likes having two women. GET OUT FAST! If you forgive him this time, it will be harder to get out later.

[ramble on rose]

Carm,

I went through the almost the EXACT same thing...I had to look twice at the post because I thought it was one that I had wrote!

Mine is still contacting me and I keep ignoring it. It has been torment but obviously nothing has changed. He's still screwing around w/ex as far as I know, and like clockwork, every time she dumps him and treats him like crap he comes running to the good stuff. Well, the good stuff doesn't want the bad stuff anymore, ya dig?

Take off the rose colored glasses and cut your losses. You'll never know exactly why your bf does what he does so don't even bother questioning it anymore. If you truly want good in your life you have to remove yourself from this, as painful and confusing as it it!! ***THIS IS EXPERIENCE TALKING**** Good luck to you

[ojibwaywmn]

Like everyone else has said in their posts "RUN!!". I fell in love with a man who was in a common-law relationship with 2 small children. He moved out and was living with a friend when we started seeing each other. Things were awesome the first few months. I broke up with him after finding out that he was trying to get back with his ex without saying anything to me. He was most likely playing both of us at the same time. Apparently he has jumped from one woman to the next since his teens. A chronic cheater.

Even though I still carry feelings for him, I know that he would continue his cheating games. The trust I had in him is changed forever. I am glad that he doesn't have the chance to play me again. If he does cheat, his now-again common-law wife will have to deal with it. And like someone said earlier, she may suffer from low self-esteem, etc to allow that to happen to her. I prefer to be on my own then be disrespected.

I am sure it may feel like you are severing a limb in breaking up with him(that's how it felt for me), you will be better off in the long run. Don't expose your children to someone who has little respect for other people. Good luck.

[Helluvagurl]

Move ON! Most men go back to their ex, especially if they had a loving relationship. You may have been a rebound relationship.