I just got dumbed by my girl who I've been with for 5 years. I have been with her since she and I was 15 years old. now we are 21. She said that she feels like she is missing out of a lot of stuff like just being young and stupid. and going to partyies. But what I do not understand is that she is taking it so light. kind of like I do not matter to her. Like she does not care.

I still love this girl but she does not love me. She likes to party and I feel that I still need to protect her. I was there for her when nobody cared for her, not even her parents. now that she feels better about herself (cause she lost wieght) and I picked her up when she was down, she goes off and dumbs me. everything thing I did was for her.

I dont know what to do. I can't sleep, eat, I can't watch movies or play my playstation2 cause it reminds me of her. It has been 1 week since and it hurts so bad. She was my air, my sun and my heart. and with out them I can't live. does it get worse? I can't find ways to deal with this.

[Tony T]

She's young and still maturing. You have to give people time to grow up. Find a more mature lady.

[sonofhud]

I've come to the conclusion to avoid dating girls between the ages of 17-23.....they all wanna go out and have fun. So aim high and go for a 30 year old. I'm still trying to hit the target.....

[hurtingandconfused]

Geez sonofhud don't tell all men your secret. I am trying to do the same thing date women from 23-26. If most men find out, then I will have no one for me.=P

I dont know what to do.

What do you want from this relationship? You're 21, unless you are the heir to a couple million, I doubt that you are able to support each other.

First thing you should do is take care of yourself. Eat regularly and try sleeping. I know that sleeping is hard, but relax in bed at night, close your eyes and simply try. Don't watch movies! Most movies have people falling inlove. Also it took me a good month for me to enjoying the games I use to play.

She was my air, my sun and my heart. and with out them I can't live.

Yes you can live. Don't talk call her don't make any contact with her. Play it cool and live your life. Pick up new hobbies and if you must start talking to other people. Go out! Have fun! You are better than this, she did not get the best of you!

[Islandsaway]

I hear you, it's so hard.

I'm on week three, my sobs of desperation and temper tantrum cries have stopped. I just have a melancholy wash over me, and feel like doing absotuly nothing. They say it gets better with time, I supose this is true, compare to two weeks ago - I am atleast functioning now.

It's so hard though, I'm having the hardest time controling my thoughts. I have these dialogues in my head things I would say to him, I hear a noise in the hall and wish it was him coming, or a car in the driveway, or the phone rings... it never ends.

I am 24, he was 20...same goes for the ladies, date older for sure. I took a risk with him and ended up comepletly broken hearted. He just lacks the maturity and experience to give himself to anyone right now.

thank you all for taking the time to write back. I now know what to do about this. But there still is one problem! I dont want to move on. and by this happening what I know and what I feel are different. I lost my job I lost my health and I think I'm losing my mind. Why do I want to be with a girl that is going to take my life away. I never thought this would hurt this bad.

I can't deal with the pain and the heart break for a long time. I know all that I need is time. that is the only thing that can make things right. But now I have to go through life loving her and missing her. Till the the day I die. Always thinking about her saying to myself "for 5 years she was in my life. and now all I have are memories." How will I ever trust another girl again? I will now go on with my life ( without her) making things normal and the way my life was without her just like we never have been. this chapter in my book has ended. Time for a new chapter. But I dont know how to start it. I keep reaing the last page over and over again.

[CaterpillarGirl]

Originally posted by jonathan
thank you all for taking the time to write back. I now know what to do about this. But there still is one problem! I dont want to move on. and by this happening what I know and what I feel are different. I lost my job I lost my health and I think I'm losing my mind. Why do I want to be with a girl that is going to take my life away. I never thought this would hurt this bad.

I can't deal with the pain and the heart break for a long time. Time for a new chapter. But I dont know how to start it. I keep reaing the last page over and over again.

Please see a counselor. He/she will help you find methods to deal with the pain. If you lost your job over this trauma, you definitely need to seek help. If you are still attending school, most colleges and universities offer these services for free or very reduced fees.

[FreeMe]

Jonathan,

It just happened. You have to give yourself time. You're not going to start feeling better right away. Trust me that there will come a day when you don't miss her or even think about her. You are very young. I know you basically grew up together and she will probably always be special to you but you will find another love. Right now she's just being thoughtless and immature. She will also come to realize everything you were to her. Right now she's probably not thinking of that - she's being selfish, which is not necessarily wrong at her age. It's only wrong in that it's extremely hurtful to you. She'll realize that someday.

For now, listen to the other posters and take care of yourself. Try to do things you enjoy. Force yourself to spend time with other friends and people who make you laugh. Hang in there!

So is it better to love and lost then to never love at all? who is to say? I think that nobody should ever go through this feeling of lost. but I also think that everybody needs love. Love is very powerful and you cant just take that away. you dont get to pick and choose who you fall in love with.

everything in our lives is so fragile. one minute you have it and the next it can be taking away.


I'm not crazy. but for the past 5 years i lived a life with one person. And I didn't want another girl. I still don't. one of the hardest things to do is STARTING OVER.

I let her win and now she knows that. I fell down and it feels like I can't get back up. BUT I WILL. I just don't want to go on the rest of my life with the love for her

[CaterpillarGirl]

Originally posted by jonathan
I let her win and now she knows that.

jonathan,

there are no winners and losers in breaking up. Nobody is proud of the fact that a relationship they were in has failed. I'm sure she is regretful that it didn't succeed, but she has acknowledged that the relationship was not what she needed, acted responsibly, and moved on. She could have cheated on you, kept coming back, and generally created an unhealthy relationship, but instead she was honest with you and left. I know it hurts! But if you cannot see that your life can still be better, still have meaning without her love, if you feel unable to move forward, then please speak to a therapist, okay?

[emptydude]

Originally posted by jonathan
So is it better to love and lost then to never love at all? who is to say? I think that nobody should ever go through this feeling of lost. but I also think that everybody needs love. Love is very powerful and you cant just take that away. you dont get to pick and choose who you fall in love with.

everything in our lives is so fragile. one minute you have it and the next it can be taking away.


I'm not crazy. but for the past 5 years i lived a life with one person. And I didn't want another girl. I still don't. one of the hardest things to do is STARTING OVER.

I let her win and now she knows that. I fell down and it feels like I can't get back up. BUT I WILL. I just don't want to go on the rest of my life with the love for her

I know EXACTLY what you mean Jonathan. I lived for 8 years with one person, and starting over is looking like it's going to be the HARDEST thing to do. I started the process of boxing away all her old love notes to me, and that was extremely difficult. You read those things and see how she said things like "i love you and we'll be together forever", and it just makes you upset to no end. But you'll make it.

For the past year she felt this way and siad nothing. just pushed it all to the back of her head. she used me and she lied to me. telling me everything was ok but in fact is wasn't.

I gave her money when she needed it. I paid her bills. she told me she wants to grow old get married and have kids. she was happy that her bills were paid. she said to me this " Now we are closer to getting our lifes in order, move out and live together." THIS WAS JUST 2 WEEKS AGO. So no she did not act responsilby. SHE USED ME. I did let her go but that does not stop the hurt and the emotions that come with it

[gaia]

Yes, it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Only a small number of people end up staying with their first love forever. You'll be hard pushed to find more than a handful of people on this site who haven't had to deal with at least one major break-up. Thing is, if you avoid taking the risk, you'll never have the happiness either.

Sure, it hurts like hell at the moment. It's like a bereavement, you need to mourn the loss. No way will you get over this in a week, but get over it you will in time. I'm worried about the extent of your despair though and I agree with Caterpillar Girl - try and find yourself a good therapist.

So much to say so little time for me to explain the way I feel she only see them the way she want to see them. It makes sense to her all these things she do she got it all figured out while everybody is confused. How you do it? I’m not who she is. I can’t do anything right. I can’t be like her don’t want to be like don’t. No matter what I do it is never good enough. So why try I give up. She is lovely so beautiful and she is perfect in way.

Right here right now I’m stopping from hiding. I will make it go away. Can’t be here no more. These feeling will be gone. Now I see the time to change and leaving doesn’t seem so strange. I’m hoping I can find what I left behind. All alone I seem to break I lived the best I can. But it makes more a man. I’m not her passenger.

[meanon]

jonathan, my friend and I have been talking about your last post. It's a little confusing. Would you post again and let us know you are OK? Or get some help straight away if you are not. There are people here who have felt just like you, let them help you.

You are right, this experience will make a man of you - will give you a depth of character and appreciation of the good in life that will make you a better person. You will gain from this. You will always love her but it won't always hurt like this.

I hope your message marked a turn for the better. If not know all have limits to what we can cope with and when they are breached we need help to pull through - seek that help, please.