lately i seem to be getting possible mixed vibes from my ex girlfriend...
i had a long original post entitled 'reconciliation' a few months back...
we were together 4 months and now broken up 3 1/2 months, my head is still fried with the situation and i am finding it very difficult to recover from the breakup as i still have feelings for her, yes i fell in love with her
she has always remained in contact with me, asking favours, asking to meet up, texting me asking how i am doing and telling me her news
this "friends" situation seems to be somewhat intensifying, the other weekend we were out in the car and went to a few places including the park, she remarked how she missed us going out on daytrips together and then suggested "now that we're friends there is no reason that we can't continue" , i was a bit apprehensive of this as i hate that "friends" remark after being intense lovers
then last weekend she asked me to go out again with her for a bike ride and then a facny lunch which i ended up doing, we had a great time together but afterwards my head is full of total depression again at this situation
also which i find to be rather bizarre is she asked me to go on holiday with her during summer, which means just us two and probably camping together i.e. sleeping in the same tent!!!
i told her "um i don't know about that" which she remarked "you don't sound too enthustiastic"
also i have a job interview this week in which she remarked how i should take her out for dinner if i get it and possibly take her on holidays too
she also said that she is taking me out to dinner to repay me for the lunch i bought at the weekend!
what is going on here? this is strange judging from asking all my friends and family!
all i know is that this is not normal and from my previous ex she told me how we will simply not be doing anything together which involves any kind of day out nevermind together!
Location: and everybody's asking when you're coming back, and I don't have an answer, so I fade out into black
Posts: 790
She has reconsidered and it sounds like you are winning.
Give it a little more time, and if you are willing let her in a little at a time.
She's probably afraid to admit her mistake and be rejected.
So she wants reassurance that you won't say no to her.
Honestly, in the past I was more like your ex-gf. I did that kind of stuff with my ex, but unfortunately we did not get back.
At the time when I was going out with my ex and treating him as a friend, I was trying to reconcile to myself if I really wanted him and to committed myself to him. It was the time I actually gave myself space, although I wanted to meet my ex just for his company. I wanted to "test the waters" first to know if I really want to continue the relationship with him.
If you really love the girl, just be her friend. Maybe in time she'll be ready to make that commitment to work the relationship out.
But if you can't stand the way she's treating you as a friend only, tell her what you feel (in a nice way). At least she knows that you don't want to be treated that way.
Yes just let things happen and see what happens on this holiday, and even if it doesnt go any where im guessing that is better then having to let go of sumone you loved of love altogether.
good luck
i have to say i am shocked at the responses here so far as i expected "its completely over", " move on and forget her " etc. etc.
i can't say i would go on holiday with her, i would have to know what was her idea of the two of us just going together was all about first otherwise it could be a drastic holiday experience for both of us
white_angelbreath... i assume you were the dumper in that relationship, my ex too seems to be giving herself space and just concentrating on herself ever since our breakup... you say "unfortunately we did not get back" , was this because the testing of the waters when you treated him like a friend after your breakup didn't work out the way YOU wanted to or was it your ex bf?
just tonight she left another message on my messagephone asking about my latest family trauma ( lucky not too bad ) and asked me to phone her back, when i did she was in bed ( she is an early bird! ) and her housemate answered, it seems surprisingly to me that she has been talking about my latest things in life with them which i found to be strange
I did let go of him. The relationship was not healthy for both of us. I was not sure at first, but by giving it another try, only this time "being friends", it made me think more of whether it is best for us to continue the relationship or not.
The essence is not what will happen in the end, but the fact that "maybe the girl is just giving herself time to think about the relationship you both have". This is what I am trying say.
Just give her time. "Love is patient, love is kind..." as it goes. Let her think for awhile, just be there to emotionally support her. You'll never know, she might realize your capacity to endure her and give love and support is greater than she ever imagined.
Hope doesn't cost a thing.. but it might give you what you want. So hope and never give up the fight. If you love her that much, hope for the better even it means letting go of her when she chooses to go, unless she chooses otherwise.
Brainrightheartwrong, your so lucky, my s/o says were friends, but i don't even get an email, your "friend" wants all these things, wow thats great & i'm so jealous. Who instigated the initial breakup?
i know you really wanted to get back, i mean, to be lovers again with your ex. its possible.. i am also in the same situation as you, i also want my man to get back to me not "being friends" but "being lovers" again.
and like you, it's killing me also everyday.
do you really "love" her? because if you do, then set her free. isn't it that if you really love the person you have to see what is best for them. Think of what is best for your loved one. What does she most need right now?
Or maybe you just want her back because you just want to easen the pain that you felt. Are you think more of your welfare or hers?
it is possible that you may get back together. lovers, friends, lovers, yep it is possible. i have heard countless of stories about that...
if you really want to get back with her, don't let her know that you need her desperately, that you are begging to get back with her.. it does not look good. just keep it to yourself.
just be her friend for awhile, if that is what she needs now. but if you can't hold on to being "friends"with her, walk away. someone told me that, and i think it is a good advice.
walk away... if you must. let your heart heal. time heals all wounds. let it heal for awhile.
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love means suffering. if you love the girl, you must compromise to yourself to suffer... if you do love her, set her free... make her happy even if it meant not being happy yourself. in time you will see, that it is also good for you.
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Location: and everybody's asking when you're coming back, and I don't have an answer, so I fade out into black
Posts: 790
Well said.
I'd add that in giving her up you will find it the most difficult thing that you can do, but also the potential rewards are huge. You will find out alot about yourself in doing so, you will give her the opportunity to do the same (though she may not), and if you do reconcile, you will know it is because that is truly what you both want.
You open yourself to alot of pain and stress in doing this. It's important that you work that off. Try to focus it into positive channels.
Lost and Angelbreath are hitting the nail on the head:
Any way you cut it, you have to walk away if you can't handle just being friends. This ties into the no contact policy...
You need time away from her to get over her, if it is the case that you will never get back together. If you are going to get back together at some point in the future, you need time away from her to get past the pain so you can be in a position to start over with her again. How can you rebuild a relationship if all you can think of is the pain she caused?
Either way, you need to walk.
Just walk.
Maybe you end up back where you started with the ex, or maybe you end up in a new place that is even better than what you thought you had before. But you can't get to either place if you don't start putting one foot in front of the other...
Angel breath, Lost & Dixie
Angel, i like the statement at the bottom of your postings, it eases me, to think if i love them, to do what they want, to suffer a pain myself in order for others to be happy, sounds a bit biblical to me!
Your words make me feel peaceful & warm, i do keep it to myself, i write down a letter on paper, venting that way & pretend to post it, but i don't.
Even if she may be with another, my feelings don't change & when i get my chance, i can say i leaft you alone, because i love you!
Lost & Dixie,
Right you hard, the actions are so much harder than the words. Is it me, or do some of us find it easier somedays than others.
Reconciliation needs time away at first, but it hurts, the memories are there & i've even started to dream of her, which is nice but hellish, waking & thinking things are different.
I'm spending too much time on my own at moment & dwelling, but then again, i don't hear people asking about her!
Yes some days are harder than others for all of us.
Here's a question: what if you never ever get a chance to tell her that you left her alone because you love her? What then? Maybe its enough to just take that sentiment, pack it up in a little corner of yourself, and do something else with your time.
As for your biblical talk about pain, consider this: If it is your position in life to heal others then you need to be able to let them go their own way when they are healed. And after they leave you need to take the time alone -without them in your life- so that you may heal yourself and be ready for the next person that needs your love, be it a friend of yours, your parents or, God willing, a woman who will stick with you through everything.
white_angelbreath... i must love her as i still have the same feelings for her after nearly 4 months since we split up, as for setting her free, she is free to do whatever she likes... remember it is her that is keeping the contact up with me, i rarely ever contact her, whenever i perform the no contact rule she phones me up or texts me asking me how i am and wants to arrange dates to do things
this week she has been phoning me asking about my mother ( she is in hospital ) , i wasn't in and she left messages asking me to call her back which i didn't even do, although maybe i should return her calls
and no i don't want her back just to ease my pain, i met and fell in love with this girl, she is special to me which is rare as i have dated 100's of women over the years and only liked about 3 of them
i do believe the just friends thoery is just a myth after one has had a serious relationship with someone
white_angelbreath... good to hear you know countless of people who reconciled, i really only know of one instance of this
so lately i have been very level headed, i am not a needy desperate person whatsoever, so far i have kept my longing for her to myself , anyone should know that women hate a man crying like a little puppy for them, no woman would ever like a man like that! and i have to say it isn't appealing in a woman either!
i know about the walking away thoery being good for me, this is something that i may need to do one day, it is a bad situation as like i say very rarely in life do we meet people that are that special to us!
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