Six years ago, I met a MM who is 11 years my senior. He is truly the most loving, wonderful man I've ever known. His wife, unfortunately, is truly not a kind and loving person...she has screamed at him in the presence of 20, said to me and others she didn't love him and he was her meal ticket, had an affair herself, etc.

Now, I know I'm not an angel, nor is he. We never had a sexual relationship, but there was a bit of physical contact and a definite emotional affair.

When his wife realized the heavy-duty feelings involved, she ordered him to cut off all contact with me...this was in April 2000. I have seen him maybe 12 times since then, but moved 3,000 miles away almost 2 years ago. We have sporadically spoken on the phone and emailed since then, but not a lot since I moved. He seems hurt I moved away, as he always said he believed a relationship between us could and would work, and was likely in the cards for the future.

They've been married almost 10 years, together almost 13. There is a lot of financial co-dependency, definite emotional abuse on her part, no kids, a house.

I have tried very hard to move on. But in two weeks, our paths are going to cross again...all three of us will be at the same weekend event. I know this all sounds stupid and immature, but I really love this man and know he loves me. He will probably want to know if I still love him, and I don't know what the next right action is. I'm almost wishing he was the type to sexually cheat on his wife...I am just completely baffled by this situation. Four years has not changed anything in my heart or mind, and all I can think of is him. I even want to move back there so I can at least see him from time to time (we're all members of the same organization.) So, I expect some people out there will not be happy with what I'm saying...but I really need to hear two sides...and prepare myself.

Thanks all.

[moimeme]

If this guy has stayed in an emotinally abusive relationship all this time and refuses to leave, he's got issues that you would not want to have to deal with. Forget him. Do not ask him to have an affair and forget about him otherwise. You could well end up like the millions of OW before you, putting your life on hold waiting for him to leave - when he never will.

He's a bad bet. Find someone else.

[morrigan]

Listen to Moimeme! Ask yourself, why hasn't this guy ever made the effort to get out of this awful marriage? If he loves you this much, he's has six years to deal with the marital situation. That he hasn't done so says volumes. Find someone who is willing to be in a relationship with you and not expect you to be a hanger on to their dysfuntional union.

[reasontosigh]

Is there a chapter of this organization you belong to in the area you're living in now?

If there is, it would be a great start in helping you to move on.

Yes there is, and I have been actively involved since moving. It has not helped me a lot in moving on. I feel sometimes he is deliberately stringing me along "just in case." I don't doubt he loves me, but it is frustrating to see this situation affect me and him.

Originally posted by reasontosigh
Is there a chapter of this organization you belong to in the area you're living in now?

If there is, it would be a great start in helping you to move on.

I wanted to add I met his wife first, initially liked her a lot, then realized how mean and manipulative she was. Then he and I got closer, and I pretended to still like his wife just so I could hang around with them. Sick, I know.

She thinks I'm a whore, and everytime she sees me she calls me names. She thinks because she gave me advice on my family matters, my boyfriend (who admitted eventually he was gay) and bought me a few presents (she was attempting to lure me into a lesbian relationship) that I owe her something.

The person she had an affair with was a woman 13 years younger than her. Often, me, this young "friend", MM, and MM's wife would hang out together. The young "friend" saw me as a threat to her lover's "marriage" and all hell started breaking loose in 2000.

I'm sorry, 23 years younger. I was 20, the girl was 22, MM was 31, and MM's wife was 45.