I have come to this site alot because of problems with my bf...we have been together 3 years -3months and i love him ALOT..i do!!!
I just want him to appreciate me cos sometimes i think he takes me for granted...for example./...
today we got in a lil fight about religion - cos we went to see the movie Passion and I believe in God and all and he is a so/so ...anyways I said "did u like it?" he said "kinda, i would have prefered watching an action movie"..anyways it started from that..
then i got annoyed cos im like "u act like an athiest, it seems like anything that has God in it u just dont like it, what the hell?" and hes like "no....its just it was an okay movie" ...
so i got annoyed cos i believe in God and I wish he would too but hes so cold about it, or it seems that way...anyways he then said "it seems like youre just not happy with me, we should just break up",
and i said "fine, cos i tired of trying, your only solution is to run away instead of fixing things, so whatever"...
anyways finally i ended up saying something funny while i was mad, which made us both crack up and we ended up just being cool again and making out.....
My question is ..why does he always solve things by saying "we should break up then?"..is it cos he knows that i really wont??...I wish he would instead say something like "lets not fight baby, i care about u and ..." or something like that...not always "lets break up then"..what does this mean??
First, the example you give doesn't sound like taking you for granted, more like a healthy discussion that went wrong.
As to why does he always say "Let's break up then"?. Several possibilities:
1. He's so insecure that every time you have a disagreement he has to test you like this to make sure you're not going to walk.
2. He can't be bothered to carry on arguing and this is a quick way to end the discussion.
3. He thinks he's lost the argument and is changing the subject.
4. He wants to break up with you!
It seems unlikely that he really wants to end it if a funny remark was enough to set you back on track.
I honestly told my ex that when we where together. She was sad and would begin to cry. The reason that I said that was because I wanted to see how much control I had over her. When I said that I saw her reaction (made sure if she loved me.) (I felt secure when she expressed her feeling in that way)..Also I thought that my ex would never consider breaking up with me( because of her reaction)...Boy was I wrong. I have changd, I'm obiously sorryand wish That I could take them back(things I said) or else I would not be in this forum.
But remember that was just me...I would not know why your b/f says/means in by saying those things.
The reason he says it Calithin is because he's got the "walk-away power" and he knows it. He knows that you were begging to get him back, and he knows that every time he pulls that card out of the deck it sends chills up your spine. Every time there's an argument and he feels like he's tired of arguing, he'll threaten to break up with you.
Yup - There you go again, Calithin. Getting mad over stupid bulls**t. He gave his opinion on the movie and it didn't mirror your beliefs, so you just started with the barrage.
You sound like a spoiled little brat, calithin. If you can't get your way, all hell breaks loose. And I base this on some of your previous posts and threads.
My question is ..why does he always solve things by saying "we should break up then?"..is it cos he knows that i really wont??...I wish he would instead say something like "lets not fight baby, i care about u and ..." or something like that...not always "lets break up then"..what does this mean??
You want to know what this means? It probably means that he's tired of your whining and wants to break up. If I were him, I would say the same thing - 'lets break up then'.
Saying that is bad communication. My ex did that to me and over time it drove me away. It got to the point to where I was waiting for the next time for it to happen. The relationship then had no security in it, so my natural defense was to pull away. I think both of you should read up on how to communicate better. It's an essential part to the relationship.
What jmargel wrote is something I thought about writing in my previous post. I agree: over time, the other person gets tired of hearing. Over time, the other person prepares for the other person to walk...to the point of not giving a crap about the relationship themselves.
Accept your boyfriend like he is or break up with him. As for the movie, he was honest and it's really sort of insane to deduce that just because somebody doesn't like a movie about Christ that they don't believe in God. That's just whacko. If somebody doesn't like something, respect them for their honesty and find out why. Respect those reasons.
I think if you're going to be a decent girlfriend and partner for a man, you're going to have to make his life easier by making it comfortable for him to be honest and express his feelings openly without fear of your getting upset.
He keeps asking if you want to break up simply because you don't seem willing to accept him for who he is...and you also seem to jump to conclusions that, in my opinion, are off the wall. Example: Many, many people don't care to the Passion movie but they DO have a great love and belief in God. If I don't like a Mickey Mouse cartoon, that doesn't mean I don't believe in Walt Disney.
It did seem as if you needlessly picked a fight over...his OPINION about a movie!!! He's allowed to have his own opinion without being attacked or having you turn ugly, right?
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so i got annoyed cos i believe in God and I wish he would too
Sweetie, no one ever came to know the Lord through being nagged about it. If you want people to know the Lord like you do, just let your own love and faith and charity shine through. If possible. That is by far the best evangelizing you can do.
I actually think he must care about you a lot, because otherwise no way in Hades would he put up with this kind of needling.
__________________ Heavily medicated for your safety.
I don't know why you come here asking for advice and then dismiss it all and go right back to him. What's the point of that?
Stay with him or leave. PICK ONE and stick to it already. He probably thinks you're a very weak person who he has TOTAL control over and you're not doing a damn thing to change that.
I suspect you're irritating the hell out of your bf. You pick and pick, he withdraws, you get more annoyed and he coldly announces let's end this tormenting relationship with the "break-up" comment.
This pattern means two things: first, in the short term, it's his way of getting you off his back; second, in the long term, I suspect he's girding his loins and laying the groundwork for an ending to your tempestuous relationship.
I'd change your tune; otherwise, he will break-up with you.
I agree with what everyone else has posted--he's using that phrase as a test on you. It might not be the smartest thing to say, but if you immediately concede and shut up, he has been successful.
I'm not trying to be cruel, but I can't understand why such a strongly feeling Christian would get involved with an atheist. Both of you should accept his beliefs and not have this idea of converting him to your religious viewpoint.
Girl, you have to grow up and stop going off at this guy for every stupid little thing. No human wants to live with someone up their nose about whether or not they prefer an action film to a film about torturing someone or all of the other things you pick at him about.
Clearly, you think he is flawed because he doesn't think exactly the way you do. He must feel the way you do and see everything your way or you pick at him. You don't love HIM; you love the guy you are trying to turn him into.
Let this one loose and find one closer to what you actually want.
__________________
I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness that I can show to my fellow creatures, let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.
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