I would like to hear from stepfamilies who have had to "blend" once they got married. How do you deal with marriage when your children and his children were raised differently? How do you deal with problems between stepsibilings, etc.

My biggest problem is moving in HIS house - it's his house and I can't seem to adjust to giving up my independence and my home. I can't seem to feel comfortable in his house - it feels strange and cold - I've cried and cried over giving up my home - my child hates living there and is being bossed around by his child.

Me and my child both miss living alone and in our old home. This transition has not been easy and I've been unhappy despite the fact we're repainting rooms and I'm trying to plant roses and put my touch on that house. It's just HIS house - I've always had my own place and giving that up hasn't been easy.

I can't call it mine and I can't adjust to living in someone elses home.

Then on top of it the kids are not adjusting very well, etc.

Any advice for blending families? I want my old life back.

[Cariel]

The solution is really quite simple: sell the house and buy another together. Is there any reason you can't do this? I ask only because it seems so obvious to me.

He refuses to even think of selling his house. He didn't buy his house - it was purchased by his father thru an inheritance - it's paid in full. My husband refuses to move - said he won't even give it a second thought because he and his son "love that house".

I hate his house.

[fredrolin]

It doesn't matter where you live...it's who has the most control.

My household consists of myself age 40, my wife age 40, our daughter age 8 and my wife's son age 23. We have lived in this house 5 1/2 years.

I have never gotten along with my wife's son and I can't stand him. He is a loser who lives rent free, does no chores and treats the place like a country club. My wife lets him do what he wants and I have no control or say so.

Her justification? She earns $65,000 a year vs. my $30,000. Everything is in her name, house, cars, etc. I went through bankruptcy before we got married and my credit is s*hit.

My wife treats me like a tenant and/or I basically feel as an equal to the 2 "children" in the household.

My life blows.

[spencer]

you make a home , its not the physical space really.
the kids will work it out, after beating eachother repeatedly, the sound like blood siblings already.
why do you want your old life back. do you regret getting married?
I think its nice he is planting roses for you- that says alot.
an inherited, no mortgage, family home----sounds perfect to me.
I come from a blended family, 4 step brothers and sisters and 1 half brother, 1 full blood brother.
the kids will figure it out in time.

its an adjustment period, you'll get use to it, give it time, 6mth to a year from now, see if you feel the same.

[Thinkalot]

Boy, some tough situations here.

Hope it works out.

My Dad met a new lady when I was younger. (my parents divorced when I was 4). I did not really get on with her kids. He tried to have us all go out together, but it never really did gel. He accepted we wouldnlt all be best friends in the end, and that was much less stressful. Over the years, we eventually did become friends.