[ArdeaCandidissima]

I have suffered a lot in the last three years of our marriage, with no sex, no love, no smiles, and no happiness from my depressed and angry spouse. We've tried meds and counselling, and they have helped maybe about 10-15% of what would need to be fixed to make this marriage tolerable. (Heck, I just scheduled another counselling session today.) I'm 41, still young, still looking forward to life, and I feel absolutely chained to a man who sleeps, cries, scowls, or freaks out whenever I see him. He is away now on a trip, and my life is so much better when he is not around.

I am seriously thinking divorce, and for the first time ever it does not feel like a vengeful or frightening act, it seems more like an unpleasant necessity so I can get the weight of his depressive illness off of me. I have posted before - I am sure some regulars remember my story - and I am thinking divorce. Divorce. Separating myself from him, and his problems that spread over me like the Exxon Valdez spilled its crud all over Prince William Sound.

This thought is so new. I checked out divorce books in the library. I want to have more confidence in this huge decision. But thinking of divorce really makes me feel like I might be free to seek happiness.

We have two children. I'm just floating and confused. Where do I go for information on emotions and practicalities? Who can help me? Is there any way to have confidence that this is right?

[moimeme]

I think it would be worthwhile to talk to a Marriage and Family Therapist to sort out your feelings. Someone in that specialty should have the ability to help you organize your feelings and sort out your priorities.

[meanon]

Well done, Ardea You have tremendous endurance and courage, you will get through this next phase too and get your chance for happiness.

There are counselling and advice services available for people in your position, you may find them helpful. It's probably best to talk to someone face to face. There are lots of internet sites providing advice and online support groups too.

Good luck

[Mysticwolf]

I can relate to your problems. See my thread on page 4 in the last 24 hours.. Thread topic reads: Would you consider calling someone everyday "Cheating"?


I have been married for 7.5 yrs. but with him a total of 14. I too and done.. and I want out.. I am 35 and I know I deserve a lot better than what I am going through and you do too!

[NEONINK]

When you have done all you can possibly do, there's nothing left to do.

ps. Don't ever bother with guilt. It is a wasted emotion. You might find you enjoy life, while he's may eventually go in the crapper. Don't feel guilty. I believe people have more control over their emotions than they let on.

[jmargel]

You can only do so much, just make sure its not a medical condition of his that is causing this. If it is, no amount of therapy alone will help.