[greentea]

i had a bad breakup with my "immature" boyfriend about 5 months ago. It was very difficult for me to take but I tried to be strong and firm even if I know I still long for him sometimes. I still think about him everyday and there are times that I miss him terribly but I try not to give in to my emotions. He has done something very wrong to me and I think he is now seeing someone else. We have been together for four years and I must admit in spite of all the bad things he did to me, I still can't completely get over him.

My problem is he has been occasionally sending me SMS asking me how I am doing and if we can possibly be friends. A part of me wants that reconciliation but it is still too painful. I never replied. It is hurting me because I know that I can only be a "friend" to him.

We broke up after 2-months of silence (he initiated this). On the 4th month, he started texting me telling me that it's the end already. I was so heartbroken, of course, but I tried to act really strong. I am taking things well, but deep inside part of me still longs for him sometimes.

Should I reply to him or should I accept his offer of friendship? It is too hard for me. But I am confused.

[dario]

I can imagine the place where you're at. I say leave it be - for now until you able to confront it with greater strength. If it feels uncomfortable to reply - don't.

[Marty_McFly]

I remember your posts. This guy caused you WAAAAAAAY to much pain. He doesn't have the right to suddenly show back up in your life wanting to be "friends." I think you need to continue ignoring his messages. If he shows up on your doorstep someday with flowers saying he was totally wrong, then maybe at that point you can start THINKING about letting him back in your life, but even then he would still have a LOT to prove to you to make up for what he did.

[greentea]

Thanks Marty. Sometimes, i just get so weak and the better part of me wants to forgive him with so little efforts from his side. Thank you for reminding me that he needs to sweat more if he is really sincere about his offer of friendship or otherwise.

If he is sincere, he will go beyond the usual SMS. If not, then I guess I should continue ignoring him even if it means forever.

[overseas2004]

Can I inquire as to the circumstances of your break up. Because there are somethings which are unforgiveable and which should mean you should never be friends with him?

So if you would elaborate?

Maybe he is not sure of what he wants. We all go through that at various times in our lives. Oftentimes, it is just about us (no one else) and our internal turmoil. This is to be respected.

It seems so many posters are all about themselves and what their immediate needs are, not thinking that the object of their affection has needs too (that are just as important).

I say if he is offering friendship, and you can handle it, go for it. It may be his way of leaving the gate open while he trys to deal with his own issues.