Still thinking of Ex

Sue · 2nd March 2004, 2:28 PM

Hello everyone.

I would like to know if this is normal. My ex boyfriend and I broke up 3 years
ago. We didn't have a loud angry break up . He joined the military halfway around the world and I thought it was to indirectly break up with me so I started seeing someone 3 months after and we then officially broke up.

I am getting married to this person and love him totally, but I think I'm still in love with my ex of three years. Is this normal? I think of him daily and wonder what it would've been like if he was still here. I would like to get over him and forget the way I have all of my other boyfriends but it's just not happening. We lost contact since the whole Afghanistan, Bin Laden issue in 2002 and I don't think I will ever see him again. This makes me feel hollow inside and wish I could get over it but can't. What should I do?

UCFKevin · 2nd March 2004, 4:51 PM

Quote:

I am getting married to this person and love him totally, but I think I'm still in love with my ex of three years.

Umm....that makes absolutely no sense.

You could love someone and be inlove with someone else, but to love this other guy totally implies that you are in love with him. So...you either are or you aren't with one of them. Which one is it? If you aren't in love with the new guy, don't marry him, for God's sake.

rts9821 · 2nd March 2004, 4:56 PM

i would say its normal. and the person above is a prick. im not sure what to tell u but the person above is pretty rude and inconsiterate. maybe you should write some kind of letter to clear the air, confess anything you need to, tell him what you want, and maybe some kind of letter friendship isnt a bad idea, and phase him out that way.

estrasa · 2nd March 2004, 5:17 PM

I think that you should explore your old feelings to make sure you're not making a mistake with this marriage. Is it normal to have such strong feelings for someone and be marrying someone else? Does your fiancee know? If so, have you shared this concern?

Sue · 3rd March 2004, 3:40 PM

Well, my fiance and I used to argue at the beginning of the relationship because he knew I loved this guy and was trying to get over him as hard as possible. He used to tell me that he was going to "win me over" and I'll never have to think of my ex again.

Now, I can't imagine life without my fiance but always wonder how things would've been with my ex. He was fun, spontaneous and charming. He and I shared exact qualities, tastes in music, art, life/family values etc. My fiance and I click very well and enjoy life with each other but often times we disagree on many of those things.

I guess no one ever ends up spending the rest of their lives with their soulmate and real life is more than just havin' fun and listening to rock music huh? LOL I do honestly want to be married to this man. So could it be that that was just a good experience in my life that is held deep in my heart and not really "love"?

Considerate responses would be greatly appreciated!LOL

HiDDeN PiGLeT · 3rd March 2004, 3:47 PM

the first thing i thought of when i read you're post is that you new closure. you didnt quite did a "normal" break up so it bugs you that there was no real end to it. if its possible you need to talk to your ex so that why you can hear yourself telling him or saying that its over. sometimes it something that simple that causes a problem. also, did you consider that this might be just a case of cold feet?

Iamhappy · 3rd March 2004, 3:48 PM

Quote:

I think I'm still in love with my ex of three years.

So are you not in love then with your fiancee?

If that is the case, then maybe you should put off marriage until you're clear on what you want.

I don't know you and I certainly don't know all the details of your love life, but may I bring up two words? Emotionally unavailable.

I think you need to ask yourself why you've closed off part of yourself to your fiancee and why your ex still possesses a great deal of your heart and mind.

Sue · 3rd March 2004, 4:09 PM

I think I may be having a serious case of cold feet! But honestly we never really did "break up" but we both assumed it was over and moved on. I am in love with my fiance and like I said, can't imagine life without him. The big day is just about here and I think I kinda was just gettin scared and wondering if this would be the right choice for the rest of my life. I know there's divorce but I don't ever want to have to go through that at all. I never questioned our relationship before. I guess 2 days until belonging to someone forever will do that to ya. LOL

I kinda hope I never see Mr. ex again so that no new twirl of feelings start brewing mentally. It's not really sex I'm worried about but when old memories of fun and good times start coming up, it could do a lil sumthin to ur emotions.

All I do, is say that we were both like 18-19 and now I'm a grown woman with a family and these things are much more important than reminiscing of old childhood flings. (better say it myself before sum1 else does). besides, even if i knew for sure that it was love, I'm in too deep and could never break my husband-to-be 's heart nor my son who loves his Daddy.

Has anyone ever experienced anything like this or knows someone to did?

UCFKevin · 3rd March 2004, 4:25 PM

Quote:

i would say its normal. and the person above is a prick. im not sure what to tell u but the person above is pretty rude and inconsiterate.

Pardon?

Seems like everyone agrees on my take, if I'm not mistaken, friend.

Sue · 3rd March 2004, 4:32 PM

Okay Kevin. Wrong choice of words. I clarified didn't I?

julieg · 3rd March 2004, 6:13 PM

sue, i had a similar situation. i think that we end things and dont talk them out fully and then our imagination takes over. we never get the closure we need and keep replaying all the good ole days in our imagination. its like they are frozen for eternity as the handsome young guy and the pretty teenager we once were ....... DONT LIVE IN THE PAST! MOVE ON AND DONT CHEAT YOURSELF. THIS IS THE ONLY WAY TO GET THE MOST OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP YOU ARE IN NOW!!!!!!!

UCFKevin · 3rd March 2004, 10:06 PM

Wasn't talking to you, Sue, no worries.

Sue · 4th March 2004, 8:45 AM

You guys have all been so helpful. I could never have discussed this with anyone I know and if I did they would say the same thing (in a worse way of course)

Thanks a lot.

Also, if I may add...I'm unavailable but Kevin, YOU'RE HOTTTT!!! LOL

Thanks you guys!!! I feel A whole lot better.

eagle_nate · 6th March 2004, 5:55 AM

LOL,
I think Kevin cut that picture out of the Magazine...discuss amongst yourselves, lol

Sue · 8th March 2004, 10:14 AM

Yeah. I agree. Just for heck's sake cuz it's a pretty hot guy. If it's a model then good job. Hey he changed it. it was like a cute ass jock from the football team first. LOL

Listen to me. I'm a married gal now!!!